2Happy Birthday, Cameron Diaz!

Did you guys know that it’s Cameron Diaz‘s 39th birthday today? ‘Cause it is! Remember when she dated Matt Dillon for, like, the longest time? Yeah, I don’t get what every girl growing up in the eighties and nineties saw in him either. But then she dated Justin Timberlake, and I doubt there’s a man or woman in the world who’d say that Justin wasn’t a good choice, both personally and professionally. She’s dating A-Rod now, and that’s a head-scratcher to me, but hey. I know this whole post could have been about the cinematic accolades she’s received, or about the versatility she exhibits as an actress, but the only thing I’m really interested in about Cameron Diaz is who she happens to be boning at the moment, friends.

Happy Birthday, Cammy!

August 31, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah

12How Do We Feel About Cameron Diaz Sans Fards?

And “sans fards” is a fancy-pants French saying for “without makeup,” not “without farts” like some of you might think it means. And WHO SAYS you can’t get some good worldliness from visiting celebrity gossip rags online? Keep hanging out with us here and you’ll eventually be culture vultures.

Anyway, this is Cameron Diaz arriving at LAX earlier this week. I know a lot of you would probably expect me to rip her appearance just based on the fact that she’s Cameron Diaz, and not one of my favorite people, but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to be objective about this, like I’m supposed to. And in all honesty? She looks OK. Alright – she looks more than OK. She looks pretty freaking good in comparison to a lot of women who’d venture out in public without a full face of makeup. Me, I’m not a big fan of schlepping forty layers of shellack on my face just to go to the damned supermarket, but then, I’m not a career celebrity who’s sole job is to impress my fans with my shining, eerily-perfect appearance. I work in my PAJAMAS and UNBRUSHED HAIR most of the time, ffs. I’m apparently not out to impress anyone, myself included.

On the whole? I’d have to say that Cameron’s almost a ten. Almost.

August 5, 2011 at 3:30 pm by Sarah

1Cameron Diaz Removes Jon Stewart’s Stitches on Television

Last night, in the most riveting piece of television in the history of colonoscopies, Jon Stewart invited Cameron Diaz to extricate his stitches one at a time. And then she totally did. It is too disgusting to miss.

You may remember how, earlier this month, Jon Stewart cut his wrist on The Daily Show—he was making margaritas during a fake press conference when a glass shattered—and as he stood there bleeding, he remarked that he might actually need stitches. No kidding, man.

Anyway. Cameron Diaz was on the program to promote her new movie Bad Teacher which, unless Ain’t It Cool News finds a way to convince me otherwise, I will probably never watch.

You know what I would watch, though? I’d watch a documentary reality program where Cameron Diaz makes house-calls in the countryside, lancing boils and yanking rotten teeth. She puts on her reading glasses, and the film crew gets really quiet as Cameron sterilizes the pointy tweezers, and then she leers maniacally at her patient and shrieks “Ready when you are!” and it’s just terrifying. God, this is actually a great idea for a TV show; it sounds just like something you’d find on BBC America.

June 22, 2011 at 9:30 am by Jenn

5Cameron Diaz Describes The Importance of Dry Humping

“One should dry-hump as much as possible. It leads to great things. I’d prescribe at least once per day. What’s also nice about dry humping is that it can happen anywhere.”

I don’t know if I agree with Cameron on the magnitude of dry humping.  Maybe that’s because I was a total prude until, like, a year ago, and I had a few traumatic run-ins with the infamous dry hump in those pivotal years prior.  Since I feel like this is such a safe place, I’m going to go ahead and open this post up as a forum for discussing dry humping.  Here, I’ll start.

- I had my very first boyfriend when I was 16, and since he made a promise to Jesus, the only thing we could do was make out and dry hump.  That might have been ok, but he was really awkward about it and just sort of floundered around and it always only lasted about five minutes before he suddenly had to excuse himself to the bathroom.  Oh, and he also turned out to be my cousin.

- When I was 18, my new boyfriend (who I was not related to) decided to pull the dry hump card, but I was such a prude with a limited amount of experience, I had no idea what he was doing.  ”To what end?” I asked myself as he went about his business.  Finally, I asked him what he was doing, and he felt like the biggest creeper to ever creep.  We broke up a couple weeks after that.

- A few months after that, I found myself nestled in a twin bed with my unwaveringly gay male friend and my questioningly bisexual male friend.  Have you ever tried to share a twin bed with two other people?  Add dry humping into that, and it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

So really, I don’t know – is dry humping really so great, or is it only great when you get to dry hump people like Matthew Morrison and Justin Timberlake?  Let’s get this conversation started, guys, I think we can get some valuable discussion going.

May 7, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Emily

4Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore’s Cute ‘How We Met’ Story

Best friends usually have some awesome story about how they met. Usually even better than the stories about how couples met. I’m telling you, ask someone how they met their best friend and it’s always going to be something like, they were in the same math class and liked the same guy and hated each other and then bonded when the hot guy wound up dating the most popular girl in school. ANYWAY!

Cameron Diaz just spilled on how her BFF-ness with Drew Barrymore started, and while I assumed they met at some Vanity Fair party, it’s actually much more humble and normal than all that.

From AccessHollywood:

“We’ve known each other so long. We met when she was 14 and I was 16. We met at a place that we both used to hang out in… when I was modelling and she wasn’t acting. She was working at this coffee shop or this soda shop, and I used to go hang out there and we became friendly. Once I started acting, she said, ‘Oh, I remember you!’ and we used to hang out and we became friends.”

How cute, right? A little 16-year-old Cameron Diaz kicking it at a coffee shop with a 14-year-old (and probably strung out) Drew Barrymore? I think it’s KIND OF crazy that any Barrymore would have to work the counter at some Beverly Hills coffee shop (I mean, is it even legal to work at 14?) but I guess that speaks to how down to earth and “over it” Drew’s always been.

How’d you meet your best friend? Don’t you agree that these stories are so much better than how someone met their boyfriend/girlfriend?

April 3, 2011 at 11:55 am by Molls

5Love It or Leave It: Cameron Diaz’s Nut-Cracking Arms

So this is what A-Rod’s being throttled by nightly, I get it. I mean, he strikes me as someone who’d probably like it pretty rough, and we all know how Cammy tries soooo hard to please her man, so I suppose that’s the only true explanation here, isn’t it? Like, gosh, there couldn’t be any other reason that she’d want fetid old vampire (read: Madonna) arms, is there?

… Thoughts?

February 21, 2011 at 6:30 am by Sarah