While the sort of formerly-hot-in-a-funk-kind-of-way actress has been rumored to be dating A-Rod, she hasn’t wasted any time laying down the law and telling everyone that she’s willing to be married. This should go over well with the long-time ladies’ man, Rodriguez. Diaz states that she’s a romantic at heart and isn’t afraid of commitment. Cam speaks these prophetic words to Parade magazine [stifles laughter] and sort of throws A-Rod under the bus the term “elopement” around:

“I am a romantic. I love romance. I’m not afraid of commitment. I commit to everything I’m doing and I am hopelessly loyal … The mystique and the romance of a big wedding are lost on me. I don’t think that I could ever do something that extravagant. I am not much of a planner. I would probably make the phone call 20 minutes before the bus leaves for the chapel and ask if anyone is available to come. That’s probably how my wedding is going to end up.”

Read: Cammy’s getting desperate and running out of options. Oh, and doesn’t realize that the best way to trap a man like A-Rod is to not get involved with him in the first place. Poor, sad, Cameron Diaz. She’ll be a spinster for the rest of her life with this faux-I-don’t-care-about-getting-married-but-I’m-actually-really-fucking-desperate-to-tie-the-knot-before-fifty attitude. She tries to pretend like she’s the girl all the guys want by “knowing” what turns guys on, but farts in front of them and dribbles chili sauce down the front of her chin without wiping it off, ’cause she thinks these things make her seem down-to-earth.

Damn, Cammy. Just … damn.

For most people, the idea of working with an ex-love is a complete nightmare. Even after the drama is over, years later, it would probably just feel weird to be working alongside someone that you used to bone and “share something” with. Cameron Diaz doesn’t have that attitude when it comes to teaming back up with her ex, Justin Timberlake in their new movie, Bad Teacher.

Yesterday on the Oscar red carpet, Cameron had nothing but nice things to say about her ex and co-star:

“We’re thrilled to have him. He’s the best person for the job. He’s going to be hilarious… He’s clearly a very talented comedian, look at his ‘Saturday Night Live’ [skits]. He’s fantastic, he’s going to be so great.”

Very generous of her, if I do say so myself. Sure, Justin can bring in the laughs on SNL, but I’m not sure if his ability to make me LOL is going to translate on the big screen, especially when he’s next to Justin Segal and Molly Shannon. Still, that’s very gracious of Cameron. It’s nice to see exes who still love each other… Wonder how Jessica Biel feels about that?

Cameron Diaz was flirting her face off with some dude last night at Katie Holmes’ 31st birthday party in Seville and the paparazzi caught some really low-quality photos of it. TomKat (can we still say stuff like that?) were in town with Connor, Isabella and Suri while Tom was filming Knight & Day with Cameron. The Holmes-Cruise fam left last night to head back to the states after the party, but Cameron decided to hang back and chill in Spain for a little bit. I don’t know guys, from the looks of these pictures, she’s cruising for a little bit of a European fling. Maybe she’s feeling like that chick in that movie Under The Tuscan Sun? I never saw that movie, but I remember the trailer and I got the jist. What if Cameron Diaz and that dude fall in lust and have a crazy four and a half month affair that’s completely driven by their sexual desires and ends when they realize that they don’t really have much in common, it’s was just one of those weird physical chemistry things? That’d be pretty deep. I’d allow that.

Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz have been filming Knight & Day in Sevilla, Spain and every day I log in to the photo agency sites to find photos for stories, and every day I see photos of the two of them “goofing around on set”. They’re usually dressed really well, sometimes Tom’s wife Katie Holmes brings their daughter Suri by the set, occasionally Cameron is caught flailing around like the spastic lady we all picture her to be. At this point it’s like, “I get it. You guys are rich and you make movies and people want to photograph that. Does anyone want to help me pay my phone bill?” Am I bitter? You fucking bet.

Then today I logged in to the photo sites and I saw this picture of Cameron Diaz and Tom Cruise straddling each other on top of a Ducati, playing patty cake or whatever the hell it is that they’re doing and I just laughed. Just had to LOL at how absurd this lifestyle must be. Can you imagine being Cameron Diaz, sitting on top of a monstrously expensive hog in Spain, legs wrapped around the dude who jumped on Oprah’s couch and getting paid millions of dollars to do it? That’s just bizarro.

They’re so fortunate.

This outfit is just, like, the worst idea ever, in so many ways. It’s not even the boxy shape that’s the problem, it’s the fact that it’s so damn tight in the middle. It scrunches up her breasts and makes it look like she has fat rolls, when she’s obviously like the thinnest person ever. At least her makeup looks really pretty, and James Marsden looks hot.

You know what’s really unfair?

James Marsden is 36 and Cameron Diaz is 37. They’re about the same age. But while Cameron looks like she’s getting noticeably older every year, James just looks like he’s getting hotter. Why does aging hate women so much?

Cameron Diaz behaved like a totally normally person in between shooting scenes on her new movie with Tom Cruise Wichita in Boston, MA today. She flailed about in the streets waving a toy pistol, seemed to be interpretive dancing and even held a mailbox a gunpoint. I’m tellin’ ya, either homegirl is going to get an Oscar or wind up in a psych ward after this movie because the photos coming in from set? They’re all bananas.