I think every woman does want to be objectified. There’s a little part of you at all times that hopes to be somewhat objectified, and I think it’s healthy.
—Cameron Diaz on the deepest desire of a woman’s heart, being objectified and subsequently not taken seriously because duh, women are totally the inferior sex and we’re just lucky that men haven’t made us redundant except for sex as it is. Lucky, lucky bitches we are, guys.
See, now, it’s not very often that I have to go and find a reason to dislike a particular celebrity, especially Cameron Diaz, because I’ve always, always thought her to be reasonably unintelligent and, as a result, gag-inducing anytime she ever opens her mouth, but this time I also find her pretty contradictory and hypocritical, as Cameron Diaz has always played the “I don’t want to get married and settle down because FEMINISM and FEMINIST TENDENCIES,” which is fine, if she were actually believable and not sad when she attempted to make these “bold” statements. However? Her saying that it’s OK to be objectified, and that every woman totally hopes and lives to be objectified someday only reinforces the fact that I think Cameron Diaz is a sad, confused woman who should probably gather her thoughts a little bit further before ever opening her mouth. Like, people should probably send her interview questions a year in advance so she can keep track of previous responses. Oh, and live interviews? F-ck, never again.
The single actress, 40, ferociously flirted with Robert Pattinson — who reconciled in early September with Kristen Stewart — at the Gucci-sponsored L.A. County Museum of Art’s Art + Film Gala on Oct. 27.
“She was pretty obvious,” says one of three witnesses who watched Diaz come on to the Twilight star, 26. “Cam was seated next to Rob at dinner. She was touching his arm, doing her big Cameron laugh at everything he said and trying really hard. He was polite, but not having it.” Clearly he only has eyes for Stewart.
For whatever reason, this story makes me really happy. I don’t even know that I believe it all that much (who am I kidding; I totally believe it), but something about Robert Pattinson snubbing Cameron Diaz for a lady who cheated on him and who he had the fortitude to forgive and move on because of whole, true love, makes me happy. It makes me believe in fairytale love, and I don’t mean the kind of fairytale where Snow White sleeps with a buck-toothed movie director—I mean the kind where, at the end of the day, all that matters is love.
Oh my gosh. I can’t. I just can’t. I don’t even know what to say, this is that horrifying. I don’t mean that it’s not sort of amusing, because it is, a little, and if it wasn’t the monstrosity we know as Gwyneth Paltrow, it might even be funny. I just mean that it’s so … embarrassing. I watched it a few times as I tried to figure out my feelings, and I just feel so unbelievably embarrassed right now.
And maybe it’s just my intense feelings for Gwyneth, but does anyone else think that she did this video and then sent it to Beyonce with a letter that said “please pass this along to your husband so we can begin work on our record post-haste”? Because Gwyneth thinks she and Jay-Z are going to do the next Watch the Throne together. Because she’s that out of touch*.
Well, OK. That’s not exactly what she said, but it’s pretty damn close. Here. You can go ahead and determine if Cameron Diaz is as full of crap as Sofia says, or if you agree with Cameron that there’s shit a whole lot worse going on than merely turning forty.
Cameron Diaz’s recent age quote to Esquire UK:
“For the first time in my life I’m content. I’m so excited. Getting older is the best part of life. Like, I know more than I’ve ever known. I have gratitude. I know myself better. I feel more capable than ever. And as far as the physicality of it – I feel better at 40 than I did at 25. I’m so excited. Getting older is the best part of life. Like, I know more than I’ve ever known.”
And then here’s Sofia’s recent age quote to Lucky:
“Turning 40 is horrible. People that say it isn’t are full of shit.”
But, to be fair, and you know it pains me to defend Cameron Diaz, because she and I just haven’t been homegirls in forever, but here’s another few quips from Sofia’s interview, which was definitely, definitely a little over the top if you compare it to Cameron’s (which is here, if you want to read some more level-headed quotes and not things about breast lifts, yachts, and diamonds):
“It [my engagement ring] is perfection. If it was bigger, it would be too big to wear. But if it was smaller, I would not like.”
“I love luxury. I love yachts. I love planes. I love trips,” Vergara admits. “I can live without all of them, and I have, but I am not going to apologize and pretend I don’t love luxury, because I do.”
“I know [my breasts] have opened doors for me, let’s be real. But I so hate when I see Gisele and she is wearing a tiny little tank top with no bra, like, ‘Oh, I just threw this on, I look so cute.’ If I wore that I would look like I was pregnant, or a fat stripper.”
Oh, you guys, I’m sorry. When I asked the question of “who is the highest paid actress in Hollywood?” and then put a picture of Meryl Streep right up there at the top, that made it look like Meryl is the highest paid actress, didn’t it? I’m sorry, but it’s just not true. Meryl is on the list, but she’s not at the top. She deserves to be at the top, but she’s not.
Before I let you know the richiest rich lady in Hollywood, let me just show you the top ten list, all right? I’ll go ahead and tack on the amount of money they made in the past year, just so you can cry while you balance your checkbook like I do.
Ok, but who do you think landed in the number one spot? Who do you think made nearly three times as much as the beloved Meryl Streep? Who do you think made a few million dollars more than Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston combined?
Anyway. This is Cameron Diaz leaving a club at three o’clock this morning, and if you check out the photos in the gallery, you’ll see that she gets a little help walking to her car. And in light of that, what I want to know is why all of these celebrities feel it a necessity to have handlers escorting them out of a club, putting their hands on them and steadying them and making sure that they get into their waiting vehicles OK. Because you see it all of the time. Celebrities drunk and falling out of clubs while burly men grasp their elbows and occasionally their waists if they’re really loaded, and you hardly ever see any of these celebrities bite it and land on the ground.
I mean, when I was in my very, very early twenties (and OK, my late, late teens), I was leaving bars without the help of any burly men, and if and when I bit it and landed on the ground on my way out, you know what happened? Well. Let’s just say that I didn’t have any “friends” there to steady me or pick me up, because they were all too busy pointing and laughing at my silly ass on the ground. These celebrities, guys, I just don’t know. It’s like they have no sense of reality or something.
“There was a little misunderstanding. I said, ‘Oh I just want a little bit off’ … and it went from here to here. … I just burst into tears and started crying, and I felt so vulnerable. For a woman to all of a sudden have no hair, oh my god. I felt really bad, she felt really bad, she started crying, I started crying, a couple of other people started crying.”
Wait. “For a woman to all of a sudden have no hair.” What’s that? No, really—what is that, and why is she including me in it? Wait, you mean she’s not? She’s only talking about herself and her own personal experience in being self-conscious about something that doesn’t really matter at all? Oh. OK. Because I can’t, for the life of me, figure out why she’d say “for a woman to all of a sudden have no hair, oh my god,” because I am a woman, and I, too, have had “bad” haircuts. I’ve had long, wavy hair down to my ass and I’ve had hair that was literally a half-inch long. I’ve pretty much run the gamut of hair lengths, and nothing about its length, condition, or color ever made me feel like less of a woman.
So, what, Cameron? Short hair isn’t as feminine as long blonde locks? There’s a length that women just shouldn’t go, because it’s not fitting? I’m not really sure I’m understanding what you’re saying, and I’m not all that comfortable completely chalking my cloudy fugue today solely to the half-bottle of NyQuil that I’ve ingested over the last twelve hours, nor am I being blinded by the massive pile of tissues that are dotted across my desk, threatening to close in on my notebook, looking like poisonous jelly fish floating around in barrel. No, it’s not just the massive head cold that’s got me a little foggy, it’s your unspoken reasoning behind the “stigma” of short hair on women.
Can you do a sister a solid and clear that up for me? Huh, girl?