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Bristol Palin

Everybody Hates Bristol Palin’s Reality Show

photo of bristol palin pictures life's a tripp pic review photo
Remember Bristol Palin was trying to cause a stir a few weeks back with her anti-gay speeches and condemnation of President Obama for actually, you know, taking the time to listen to his daughters and wife with some pretty important life advice and not treating them like personal property? Because I was right—she was definitely saying all that stuff to spur publicity for her new reality show, ‘Bristol Palin: Life’s a Tripp’. Which was aired on Lifetime. Who is apparently going down the tubes as we speak. Come on. Bristol Palin? Lindsay Lohan? Who’s next, LeAnn Rimes?

The show debuted last night, and media outlets all over the world are already claiming it to be complete and utter crap. Yay! Here’s a recap and review, courtesy of Yahoo!:

In the first episode, Bristol moves from Wasilla, Alaska to Los Angeles, allegedly to “show Tripp what’s out there.” (Because three-year-olds are so interested in the wider world.) She moves into a pre-fab Beverly Hills mansion and is joined by her 17-year-old sister Willow, who has come to help with the babysitting. The episode ends with an incident that was widely publicized during the show’s filming, in which Bristol goes out to a bar, rides a mechanical bull and gets in a fight with a heckler. The man calls her mother “a whore.” The following exchange in which Bristol concludes that he must be “a homosexual” did not air. (See the video here.)

The critics point out that Bristol’s parenting challenges aren’t quite the same as most people’s. Her childcare issues, writes Robert Lloyd in The Los Angles Times, “stem from not wanting to hire ‘some random baby-sitter,’ not from a lack of wherewithal.” Lloyd also points out that we see Bristol and Willow shop for groceries and clothing, “without Tripp…presumably looking after himself back at the mansion.” Lori Rackl of the Chicago Sun-Times notes that “The trio move into a Beverly Hills mansion where Bristol has to teach Tripp things like the difference between a bidet and a water fountain. No one said being a single mom was easy.”

Perhaps more disturbing for fans of the adorable, scene-stealing Tripp, Bristol’s son with her teenage-years boyfriend Levi Johnston, is the single mom’s willingness to torch Tripp’s dad on national television. Alessandra Stanley, reviewing the show in The New York Times, writes that “the show’s promos show Bristol putting Johnston’s memoir ‘Deer in the Headlights,’ on a range and firing at it with a rifle, saying, ‘This is for all the single moms.’” Stanley says that “Much of the narrative revolves around Bristol’s attempts to shame her ex-boyfriend into seeing his son.”

And if you thought this write-up was more toward “scathing” than “flattering,” this is what the New York Times had to say:

“That big sister-little sister dynamic [between Bristol and Willow] has some real-life resonance, but the “Teen Mom” poignancy is undercut by the palatial surroundings.”

And from the Washington Post:

“Even if you have a lasting grudge against all things Palin, there’s no payoff here. It’s a new low for anyone who makes the mistake of watching.”

And my personal favorite, from the Chicago Sun-Times:

“With the exception of the bull-ride-gone-bad scene, Bristol’s day-to-day life isn’t very interesting. Neither are the occasional shots where Sarah Palin pops up to offer homespun wisdom and maternal advice…. What we’re left with are Bristol and Willow shopping, squabbling and engaging in vapid conversations. In other words, the Alaskan Kardashians.”

Well. I guess we’re talking about some serious must-see TV here, guys. Would it be a crime against humanity if I actually tuned into the next episode? Because I’m kind of curious about this particular trainwreck-type thing that one of the most narrow-minded bitches in “Hollywood” wants to show us. You know. Just so I can mock it profusely.

Quotables: Bristol Palin Says to Stop Bullying Bristol Palin

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You know you’ve struck a nerve when even J-Woww tweets insults at you. But the thing that most amazes me is how few people actually addressed the points I made in my recent blog post. They were pretty simple. Conservative women like my mom get grief because people think they can’t make decisions without their husband, but Barack Obama gets applauded for changing his mind on a huge issue after consulting his wife and young daughters. The double standard amazes me.

Pop culture needs a little bit of debate. It needs a little bit of disagreement. … But what you won’t find is any disagreement about things like gay marriage or abortion. For those folks, there’s one way to think, and anyone who disagrees is stupid, hypocritical, hateful, or bigoted. … If you read the almost 3,000 comments after my controversial post, you’ll see some of the most terrible words against me, my mom, and my entire family.

You’ll see hate in the name of love. People claim they’re just trying to protect the right of two people to love each other – a right I don’t contest, by the way – and then spew the worst words imaginable at someone they disagree with. If the agenda is love, why do you hate so intensely? You’ll see bullying in the name of tolerance. Around Hollywood, there’s lots of concern and great initiatives to try to encourage more kindness in this world. Then why do I get so many messages telling me I should die?

Oh, now Bristol‘s an anti-bullying feminist who wants you to … I don’t know what. I don’t get where she’s going with the Obama thing. Yeah, she makes a good case about bullying, and it’s definitely not OK to bully someone for, you know, bullying, but that’s basically what she’s been doing this entire time, now, hasn’t it? Telling gays that they shouldn’t get married because it’s “unnatural” and suggesting that those who are gay are puerile and immature and haven’t grown up yet? It’s like, “Wait. I’m sorry, what?”

The post goes on to further ostracize people for disagreeing with her (and in this case, I’m not talking about those who are infinite hate-mongers who can only insult and call her “fat” and “stupid” and “retarded,” because those who can’t make a point during an argument without swearing and insulting and carrying on don’t make much of a point either, I’m afraid), and you can read it in its entirety here.

All I know is that it’s pretty damned convenient that Bristol’s in the process of putting the final touches on her new reality show, Life’s a Tripp, right? … No? Complete coincidence? Right. I totally thought so, too, but I had to ask my husband to be sure.

J Woww Bites Bristol Palin Back for Obama-Bashing Comments

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From J Woww’s Twitter feed:

Bristol should keep her uneducated ignorant mouth shut. If Ur living in the past u wouldn’t have a kid w/out marriage #hypocrite. It’s 2012!

OK, so while I don’t *exactly* understand what J Woww’s saying here (“if ur living in the past u wouldn’t have a kid w/out marriage”—what is that?), I understand her sentiments and respect her for standing up (?) for what she believes in. I mean, I have absolutely no doubts that her comments were made in order to help educate the public on how ignorant Bristol Palin actually is, and not because she secretly hopes that President Obama himself is going to see this on Twitter, embrace her ways of life, and invite her into the house as his mistress. We all know she wants to get down with Barack like that, but I just don’t think it’s going to happen.

No, I’m going to believe that old J Woww‘s motives were pure on this one, guys, and if that makes me ignorant, then so be it. There’s worse things to be on this fine Friday afternoon, you know*.

*Bristol Palin. Bristol Palin would be the worse thing in question to be this fine Friday afternoon, guys.

Bristol Palin: “Obama Should Maybe Rethink His Same-Sex Marriage Comments”

photo of bristol palin plastic surgery pics

“While it’s great to listen to your kids’ ideas, there’s also a time when dads simply need to be dads. In this case, it would’ve been helpful for him to explain to Malia and Sasha that while her friends parents are no doubt lovely people, that’s not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage. … As great as her friends may be – we know that in general kids do better growing up in a mother/father home. Ideally, fathers help shape their kids’ worldview. … I guess we can be glad that Malia and Sasha aren’t younger, or perhaps today’s press conference might have been about appointing Dora the Explorer as Attorney General because of her success in stopping Swiper the Fox. … Sometimes dads should lead their family in the right ways of thinking. In this case, it would’ve been nice if the President would’ve been an actual leader and helped shape their thoughts instead of merely reflecting what many teenagers think after one too many episodes of Glee.”

Wow. I never fully realized what a snotty little bitch Bristol Palin is. These were her comments regarding President Barack Obama’s backing of same-sex marriage yesterday afternoon, and while girlfriend didn’t exactly come right out and say, “Hey, HOMOS SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO MARRY and a REAL MAN wouldn’t say such lurid things,” she certainly alluded to it, and damn. Those are some pretty strong things to intimate, especially when the person in question has questionable ethics as it were. I mean, it’s not like she’s ever come out and spoken against homosexuals outright or anything, you know*.

Bristol took to her blog to write a brief, but effective (?), tirade against President Obama taking the advice of his daughters—of a younger, wiser generation—and allowing himself to be more open-minded than he has in the past about social topics.

And the thing is, people are going to back this crap up, because it makes so much sense coming from someone like Bristol, who f-cked before marriage a variety of times, didn’t marry her baby’s daddy even though she said it was “the right thing to do,” defiled her body with copious amounts of plastic surgery, and continues to PARADE AROUND AS A YOUNG, SINGLE MOTHER LIKE SOME KIND OF … SOME KIND OF SCARLET WOMAN.

Please. Get the f-ck up off your high horse, Bristol. You’re starting to resemble it more and more like it as the days go by.

*She has. Of course she has. She’s a twatty little gnat. This is what she DOES, guys.

Bristol Palin’s Bar Fight: “Is It Because You’re a Homosexual?”

Photo: Bristol Palin with Don Rickles on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, July 14, 2011

Let me clarify: the heckler was old and bald, but he was not actually Don Rickles (pictured).

Bristol Palin just wanted to have a quiet evening to herself—in the middle of a restaurant in West Hollywood, on a mechanical bull, taping her new reality TV show—and props to her, too, because I don’t think I’d be able to keep myself perched on a bucking robot like that.

Eventually she slips out of the saddle and lets herself flip off of the bull. Just as soon as she pulls herself upright, a voice calls out, loud and clear: “DID YOU RIDE LEVI LIKE THAT? YOUR MOTHER IS A WHORE!”

Hoohhhkay. Initially, I guessed that he was a plant, put there to demonstrate the Perils of Being Palin. Bristol smiles unwaveringly, but then she points at her heckler. (As in “Stay put, I’ll be along momentarily—to shred you.”) She smiles her way through the crowd (but denies a Saddle Ranch employee his high-five! Ha ha!), all while making a murderous beeline for Mr. Baldy Big-Mouth, who is waiting at the bar.

Video NSFW (language).

Bristol: “What’d you say?”

Man: “Your mother’s a f—king devil, dude.”

Bristol: “Oh, is she?”

Man: “Yeah, she’s the devil.”

Bristol: “What’d she do wrong.”

Man: “She lives. She breathes.”

Bristol: “You want her dead?”

Man: “Aw, you know what? If there was a hell, which I don’t believe there is one, she will be there.”

Bristol: “OK, why’s that.”

Man: “She’s evil, she’s evil—”

Bristol: “Or! Is it because you’re a homosexual?”

Man: “Pretty much!”

Bristol: “And that’s why you hate her.”

Man: “And why’d you say I’m a homosexual?”

Paparazzo: “WHOOPS!”

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Is Bristol Palin A Sociopath?

A photo of Bristol Palin

Because according to Levi Johnston‘s 19-year-old sister, Mercedes, she is:

“Everything is about her, her, her. She has to have her own way. She’ll be supersweet and then she turns into the most evil person I’ve ever known … Honestly, she is the meanest person. I didn’t know someone could be so vindictive and evil …[She's] a sociopath. She doesn’t think anything she could do or does is wrong.”

This is from an interview with Playboy in which Mercedes also claims that Sarah Palin is a bad mother and that if she were elected president (cringe break!), “she’d have a mental breakdown.” She also says that Levi and Bristol were “trying to conceive for months” before Bristol got pregnant. And I can believe all that, so I don’t think it needs to be discussed as much as the announcement of Bristol Palin’s evil nature.

I’ve never cared one way or another for Bristol. I don’t really like her, of course, but I wouldn’t, say, shoot my television if she was on it. She seems like a dumb but harmless young woman, and despite my indifference bordering on dislike for her, I don’t think I’m going to trust a girl riding on the coattails of her brother’s ride on coattails, you know?

What about you guys? Does Bristol seem like the most evil person to you?

Bristol Palin’s Autobiography: Levi Johnston Is a “Gnat”

Bristol Palin, April 29, 2011

I absolutely cannot abide 20-year olds who write memoirs because, unless your parents died and you are raising your little brother all by yourself or you made it all up, how am I to care?

But Bristol Palin has accounted for my ageist ire by titling her new autobiography Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far. Ah! Bristol’s journey so far! I like how the title already leaves the door open to a sequel.

In her new book, Bristol treats us to certain revelations about her private life. For instance: she drunkenly lost her virginity to Levi Johnston during a camping trip. Yup.

Bristol couldn’t even remember the sexual encounter—she’d managed to black out on wine coolers—so I guess it’s a good thing she overheard Levi bragging to their friends later, or else she might have thought Tripp was immaculately conceived. (Levi Johnston’s reaction to news of their pregnancy: “Better be a fucking boy.” Nice.)

I like Bristol Palin (for now), and I like Dancing With The Stars, and I really, really like Kyle Massey and I hope it’s true they’re dating. And because I like Bristol so much right now, I am only too happy to have her confirm that Levi Johnston is a bloodsucking bug.

Also, I appreciate Bristol’s newfound sense of rebellion. She should keep trying to piss people off; it looks really good on her.