Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Bridget Marquardt

Pictures from the Midsummer Night’s Dream Party at the Playboy Mansion, Just Because

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Their PR chick sent ‘em over, and some of them are pretty sexy. Except for the one Scott Baio’s in. But please check out the one of Shaq, whose right hand basically spans the length of some chick’s torso.

I was just thinking about this tonight. You know, I’m tired of people saying there’s no way to tell how big a guy’s penis is until you get his pants off. There’s pretty much a direct relationship between hand/foot size and penis size. Like, I’d say you can predict with about 95% certainty how large a guy’s penis is going to be by checking out the size of his hands. Why isn’t this more common knowledge? Why are girls always like, “It’s so unfair, they know how big our tits are, but we don’t know how big their penises are.” Yes you do. Look at his hands. Here’s my theory: The media is predominately run by men with small hands.

Why Natural Lighting Is Evil

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This is why we must all eschew any and all photo sessions that occur in the great outdoors.  Bridget Marquardt, Hef’s ex-girl next door, was a guest at last night’s Give and Get Fete, an event that supports Dress for Success.  The sun was cruel … as cruel as the hairstylist that keeps her looking like Washed Up Barbie.

Denise Richards appeared too, and I don’t know how I’ve never noticed this before, but she has a touch of the crazy eyes.  Tatyana Ali, best known for being on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air showed up as did a very skinny Guiliana Rancic.

Finally, Chelsea Handler learned a valuable lesson:  Skinny jeans are a privilege and not one that she’s earned.

Hugh Hefner Gives Former Girlfriends Relationship Advice. Yikes!

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Hugh Hefner continues to wax philosophical about the Girls Next Door.  For real, I don’t think the twins are working out too well for him since his attention still seem so focused on Kendra, Bridget and Holly.  I’m totally over that show, why isn’t he?

In a People interview, Hef says that rebounds are the way to go and marriage, for all intents and purposes, sucks.

About Holly: My conviction has always been, being an romantic, that the best solution for a failed romance is a new romance.

About Bridget: The major problem for her, quite frankly, is that she’s not here a lot. She’s got this wonderful dream job for the Travel Channel (Bridget’s Sexiest Beaches), she’s wandering the globe. We’ll see how that plays out, whether she’s really contemplating making this more serious.

About Kendra: I’ve been very lucky in romance, but not expert in marriage (two divorces).  They are two separate things. What happens traditionally in a marriage is, of course, a marriage turns into parenthood and the affection is kind of transferred to the children. She picked very well, I think he adores her, I think she really loves him. What they have to get over is they come from very different backgrounds. If love conquers all, it’ll conquer them.

Poor Hugh!  I’m more convinced than ever that he hasn’t been taking his Ginkgo biloba for he surely would have remembered that no one cares what he thinks about the girls, their relationships or the weather, for that matter.  The end.