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Anderson Cooper

Anderson Cooper Wants You To Know That ‘The Bachelor’ Isn’t Real

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In “no duh” news of the day, Anderson Cooper has warned viewers that The Bachelor is fake during an episode of Anderson Cooper Live.

“Can somebody please explain to me why anyone: A) Watches this show, and B) Thinks this is real? Haven’t we learned that this is just fake? These people don’t stay together, they don’t even last together for the reunion show. This show, I just don’t understand.”

No shit, Sherlock. Next thing you’re going to tell me that Anne Hathaway is annoying or that chocolate cake is the best dessert. Some things are just known. No one watches The Bachelor because they’re a pure romantic and wants to see true love play out before their very eyes, they watch it for the LOLZ and the guarantee that there’ll be at least one crazy bitch on per season that’ll make it all worthwhile.

This season hasn’t disappointed, either. Girl, have you seen Tierra? She is an absolute nutcase and I love her so much (and was devastated – spoiler alert! – when she left this week). Hilariously, this news story is the gift that keeps on giving because Tierra is actually engaged to some bro she was dating before she filmed the show. He apparently realised when she left to film the show that he had strong feelings for her, so he put a ring on it. I’m devastated, because now she won’t be the next Bachelorette. RIP, Tierra’s TV career.

Kathy Griffin Isn’t Sorry for Acting Like a Ho on National Television

photo of kathy griffin letterman cnn anderson cooper pictures
Wait, you missed that Kathy Griffin acted like a ho on national television? Because, oh, yeah: Kathy Griffin acted like a ho on national television. Thought you knew.

No, Kathy appeared with David Letterman last night, and when David insinuated that he wanted to discuss Kathy’s blowjob simulation, she had this to say:

“If you think this is the part where I’m going to apologise for trying to go down on Anderson Cooper you are sorely mistaken. I tried, ladies and gays, I tried for you.”

So, alright. Just when you thought it was safe to say that Kathy Griffin couldn’t get any less classless than she already is, she goes and exhibits another level of classlessness by trying to defend her weird, live-televised behavior.

On another note, Anderson Cooper hasn’t made any kind of public statements about Kathy’s attempt at “trying” to give Anderson Cooper CNN-head. Go figure.

Kathy Griffin Acts Like a Ho on National Television

photo of kathy griffin giving anderson cooper head on tv pictures
Hey, Happy Belated New Year! Did you guys watch the ball drop this past Monday night? Gosh, I didn’t even make it to 10:30 this year, but I guess when you have the stomach flu, that’s to be expected. I spent more time in the bathroom this weekend than really anywhere else, so when I heard that Kathy Griffin was all but fellating Anderson Cooper on CNN, I felt really, really good about where I’d virtually rung in the New Year.

Reportedly, Kathy thought it’d be cute and funny to pretend to go down on Anderson while they attempted to talk about the holiday. It all started off by Kathy threatening to “tickle” Anderson’s “sack,” to which an embarrassed Anderson giggled nervously. Kathy responded that saying the word “sack” on national television was completely OK, and immediately after the ball dropped (no pun intended), Kathy repeatedly kissed Anderson’s crotch area (again, for the world to see) as the citizens of Eastport, Maine, kissed a statue of a sardine as per tradition. Her defense? She was kissing her own sardine statue. You know. No big deal.

In short? Kathy Griffin is a lewd, crude bitch who is only funny in certain circles, and I don’t know how—at all—people could really consider putting her on live television. It’s not like it’s the first time that she’s gone and pulled stunts like this. Did she strip down to her bra and underwear last year on the New Year’s show, also alongside Anderson Cooper? Because she definitely did.

Thank God for stomach flus.

Updated: here’s a video—

Anderson Cooper Washes His Pants Twice A Year

A photo of Anderson Cooper

Or, ok, a few times a year. Anderson Cooper washes his pants – his jeans, specifically – a few times a year. And I know, that sounds a little gross, but really it’s adorable.

From Us Weekly:

Anderson Cooper takes extreme measures to ensure his jeans look pristine.

While speaking to fashion consultant Stacy London on Anderson Live Dec. 6, the 45-year-old TV host admitted his wardrobe doesn’t have much variety. “In my real life, I wear a T-shirt, gray or white, and the same pair of jeans,” Cooper said. “Literally, the same pair of jeans every day.”

He added, “They have these jeans you don’t have to wash now — or so they say. It’s true!”

London, 43, seemed skeptical. “I went to this store APC which has really nice stuff,” Cooper explained. “And you buy these things and the person said to me, ‘Don’t wash them for a long time.’ They mean like six months, I think.”

The What Not to Wear co-host argued that “six months is probably a little long” between washes, but to maintain “the integrity of your denim, you should wash it in cold water — no soap — and air dry it.”

Cooper admitted he’s washed his jeans “maybe twice in six months.”

“The times I’ve done it, I’ve worn them and walked into my shower with them and put some soap on them and then air dried them,” he continued. “Isn’t that how you are supposed to do it?”

When London advised him not to use soap, Cooper seemed confused. “That’s not really washing them off, so why even bother?”

Oh, Anderson Cooper. What a special, special man, and always a pleasure.

Has anyone else heard about jeans that you’re not supposed to wash that often though? Because I need to hop on that train. I definitely don’t wash my jeans* after every wear, and I probably stretch them out a little longer than I should between washing, but if I was given specific instruction not to wash my jeans, then I’d basically be in heaven.

*Hot tip for ladies who have hard time finding jeans: jeggings! No, no, I know, but listen. Find jeggings that lean more toward jeans, ones that are thicker and have pockets and buttons and zippers and all, and size up. I have jeggings that are about four sizes bigger than I usually wear in jeans, and they’re not skintight, and they actually look like jeans. And so comfortable! You’re welcome!

BREAKING: Anderson Cooper Comes Out!

A photo of Anderson Cooper

Everyone, quick, stop what you’re doing! You won’t believe what you’re about to hear! Anderson Cooper, the most adorable journalist the world has ever known, has announced to the world that he is gay. WHOA.

From People:

Anderson Cooper has some news to share.

“The fact is, I’m gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud,” the CNN anchor wrote Monday in an open letter to his longtime friend Andrew Sullivan of the Daily Beast.

The host of Anderson Cooper: 360, 45, also says that he has waited until now to announce the fact because, “As long as a journalist shows fairness and honesty in his or her work, their private life shouldn’t matter.”

Cooper, who also hosts his own syndicated talk daytime show Anderson, addressed the subject after Sullivan – a British writer who is openly gay and Catholic – put the question to him after a cover story in the current Entertainment Weekly focused on how gay people in the public life are currently coming out in understated and matter-of-fact manners.

“Andrew, as you know, the issue you raise is one that I’ve thought about for years. Even though my job puts me in the public eye, I have tried to maintain some level of privacy in my life. Part of that has been for purely personal reasons. I think most people want some privacy for themselves and the people they are close to,” Cooper began.

“It’s become clear to me that by remaining silent on certain aspects of my personal life for so long,” he continued. “I have given some the mistaken impression that I am trying to hide something – something that makes me uncomfortable, ashamed or even afraid. This is distressing because it is simply not true.”

Of course I’m happy that Anderson is happy and proud, and I think it’s nice that he decided to come out to show that he isn’t ashamed of his sexuality. But you guys know as well as I do that this isn’t really that much of a story beyond “aww, good for you, Anderson Cooper!” Everyone knew that man was gay. Everyone. It’s kind of like if Lindsay Lohan made an announcement saying “The fact is, I’m a hot mess,” or if Adele made an announcement saying “The fact is, I’m the best ever.” Like, thanks for confirming, but we pretty much knew already.

Basically, I’m waiting for the day when someone comes out completely unexpectedly. I want a “The fact is, I’m gay,” from, say LeAnn Rimes. Can you imagine? Best news day ever.

BREAKING: Anderson Cooper Was Actually Rude to Someone

Yes, guys, we’ve got Tot Mom, Tanning Mom, and now there’s Barbie Mom. If you don’t know who Barbie Mom is, consider yourself one of the lucky, because she’s a big gigantic asshole, too, and chances are, you probably know too many assholes as it were.

Barbie Mom’s name is Sarah Burge, and she … well, she looks like a Barbie due to tons of plastic surgery. She’s purchased vouchers for her daughter to get plastic surgery when she’s legally able to, and she fully endorses Botox for her fifteen-year-old pageant daughter so as to avoid sweating during pageants.

During the show, Anderson asked Barbie Mom a question about her daughter’s Botox use, and after she gave up some kind of lame explanation as to how she’d much rather take her daughter for Botox than to find out her daughter’s buying black market Botox and injecting herself (… people actually do that?), Anderson fell silent and told the woman that he had nothing else to say to her because she was, and I quote, “dreadful.” There was a moment of awkward quiet, to which Burge emitted several high-pitched “That’s fine”s and excused herself from the set during the middle of taping.

Can I tell you—once more—how much I absolutely love and adore this man?

Watch This: Melissa McCarthy Used to Rock Some Serious Kate Gosselin Hair

In this clip, Melissa McCarthy visits Anderson Cooper‘s talk show Anderson, whereupon Anderson busts out some of McCarthy’s high school photos.

And you are not going to believe this: “Missy” McCarthy was the senior voted Most Punk.

McCarthy explains that she had been totally preppy, in that very 1980s way—you know, cheerleading, student council, tennis—until the fateful year she returned from summer vacation with blue Kate Gosselin hair. She also wore turtleneck sweaters safety-pinned together as pants (“My mom loved it! And so did the nuns”).

I filched this video from the Hairpin, and I really recommend taking a look at the lively comments section there—especially if you wore JNCO jeans in the 1990s.