So I STILL haven’t tuned into American Idol yet this season, despite a lot of your vehement urgings that it’s totally the best year yet, but my mom, who IS a huge Idol fan, and won’t even take my phone calls when the show is on, emailed this to me last night after I’d gone to bed.

And I’m soooo glad that she did. Adam Lambert, who I thought was a COMPLETE FUCKING TOOL during HIS stint on American Idol has grown on me so hard, and so completely, and his performance last night completely clinched it for me that he’s a total rock star in his own right, and will be around for a long time to come. You might not like his particular musical genre, and you might think his ‘I’m like dudes and I’m going to grind my crotch in this other hot dude’s face to fucking PROVE IT TO YOU’-type of sexuality is questionable, but you cannot deny that this guy has got a serious load of talent. I particularly like this song, as it sort of channels another man with a serious load of talent, lead singer of Live, Ed Kowalczyk.

I’m completely blown away.

So for the first time since, like, the show began, this is the first year that I haven’t watched American Idol with rapt attention. It wasn’t even because, you know, Simon left. I was more busted up about the departure of Paula Abdul a few seasons ago, but when the time came for the Idol premiere earlier in the year, it also went, and I happened to miss it. I then missed it each week thereafter, and up until watching the above clip, I hadn’t seen a second of this season.

However, THIS GIRL CAN WAIL. Pia Toscano? Even though your name sounds like a chick that The Situation would be proud of banging, or worse, a castmember on Jersey Shore, you gained some serious Idol cred last night. I project that this girl, if not the winner, will be in the top three – and I haven’t even seen the other contestants. (Do I need to?)

Are you guys watching? Do you have a favorite? Does this year suck hard?

I guess I may as well go ahead and make girlfriend a category – it’s probably going to be used quite a bit in the coming months.

And I can say with much honesty and conviction, that I can fully uphold my promise to maintain my end of that bargain.

However, American Idol contestants? Watch the fuck out, ’cause the Wedding Planner has got your number, and she-who-sleeps-next-to-Skeletor is not amused.

Lopez, who is one of the newest judges on the fastest-tanking reality show on television this season, claims that she’s enjoying her stint as the iron-fisted replacement for Simon Cowell, but you’re not scoring any points by warbling her songs better than she can:

“It [auditioning her songs] was cute, super entertaining and flattering, but no. They know we’re not out to cut them down or make a joke of them. We’re trying to mentor them to the next step.”

Don’t get me wrong. I actually love me some Jennifer Lopez. I wasn’t joking about the Wedding Planner reference; I actually love that movie. I watch it every time it’s on television, and I even own it on DVD. It’s all good, Jenny. But I definitely prefer you as an actress, as opposed to a musician. You might know music, and you might be able to carry a tune, but the music itself, man, is totally heinous.

With that being said, here’s a song to get you through the day. It is Friday after all. (Do look for the Ben Affleck cameo … it’s so worth it.)

She was the horsey-looking make-you-think-of-blowjobs chick from Jersey that made it far … ish on American Idol a few years back, and endured some kind of weird sex photography scandal? Yeah, that Antonella Barba.

I know you’re just totally wondering what she’s been up to over the past few years, and you’re probably just dying in anticipation, wondering what surprises are in store for you in this post. I won’t hold back on you any longer — I came across the “official video” of Antonella’s latest “hit” song, “Jersey Girl.” And boy, oh boy, is it … fucking awful. I’m not even going to try and be all creative with my wording or provide you will ill-concealed snark; it’s just fucking awful. From the cheesy filming to the song itself, to the — !! — singing and even beyond the dancing. It’s terrible. So, Happy Monday.

And I dare you not to get this song stuck in your head for the rest of it.

I guess we’re supposed to be surprised by this ‘startling revelation.’ I mean, the show’s been falling apart at the seams for the past few years now, and the fact that they can’t nail down a judge in the months during auditions — and leading up to the show’s 10th year debut in January? So not surprising.

Jennifer Lopez, who was asked to be a part of the three-judge panel for this year’s format (Randy Jackson has stayed on and sources claim that Steven Tyler of Aerosmith has signed on, too), has made a departure from her affiliations with the show and ‘insiders’ claim that it has all to do with the fact that J. Lo is a giant-headed diva with a massive-assed set of demands to match:

“Her demands got out of hand,” says the source. “Fox had just had enough.”

‘Her demands got out of hand.’ Wow. In, what, a week and a half? That’s legendary. That’s epic. That’s the kind of stuff that made Ben Affleck go tanning for crying out loud.

So, it looks like Ellen DeGeneres and Kara DioGuardi are leaving American Idol this season, and it looks like J. Lo (does she even go by “J. Lo” anymore, or is it back to Jennifer Lopez again? I never do know.) is slated to take Ellen’s place. According to Ellen, the show just wasn’t a fit:

“A couple months ago, I let FOX and the American Idol producers know that this didn’t feel like the right fit for me … I told them I wouldn’t leave them in a bind and that I would hold off on doing anything until they were able to figure out where they wanted to take the panel next. It was a difficult decision to make, but my work schedule became more than I bargained for. I also realized this season that while I love discovering, supporting and nurturing young talent, it was hard for me to judge people and sometimes hurt their feelings. I loved the experience working on Idol and I am very grateful for the year I had, I am a huge fan of the show and will continue to be.”

As for why Kara’s leaving? According to TMZ, she was fired. FIRED. STBY, Kara. You never really did it for me, anyway. And there’s a possibility of Steven Tyler taking Kara’s place? Damn. Producers are really pulling out the big guns: Jennifer Lopez! Steven Tyler! Randy Jackson! Starring in: It’s Not Even American Idol Anymore, Who the Fuck’s Gonna Watch This Shit Now!