Lady GaGa is a bit of an enigma – or at least that’s what she’d hope you think of her – and seems to be all over the place most of the time. She’s battled lots of demons in her life, including eating disorders and severe depression, so it should be no surprise that they occasionally make reappearances and tend to take over her psyche. One of those times was apparently the end of this past year, when she got so depressed that she didn’t think she’d live.
From Harper’s Bazaar:
I became very depressed at the end of 2013. I was exhausted fighting people off. I couldn’t even feel my own heartbeat. I was angry, cynical, and had this deep sadness like an anchor dragging everywhere I go. I just didn’t feel like fighting anymore. I didn’t feel like standing up for myself one more time—to one more person who lied to me.
But January 1, I woke up, started crying again, and I looked in the mirror and said, “I know you don’t want to fight. I know you think you can’t, but you’ve done this before. I know it hurts, but you won’t survive this depression.” I really felt like I was dying—my light completely out. I said to myself, “Whatever is left in there, even just one light molecule, you will find it and make it multiply. You have to for you. You have to for your music. You have to for your fans and your family.” Depression doesn’t take away your talents—it just makes them harder to find. But I always find it. I learned that my sadness never destroyed what was great about me. You just have to go back to that greatness, find that one little light that’s left. I’m lucky I found one little glimmer stored away.
It’s very difficult for me to take Lady GaGa seriously with this shit because she’s literally had the most privileged life ever. She grew up in an upper class family in NYC and was famous by the time she was in hear early 20s (with production and songwriting deals prior to that, if I remember correctly). I’m not saying she hasn’t worked hard for what she has, but I am saying that part of me feels like she relies on this tortured soul routine for her “art”. On the other hand, it’s colossally unfair to assume that because someone has had money, that they can’t suffer from depression – which is largely chemical in addition to circumstantial, so I dunno. Clearly she felt depressed and now she’s better, so uh… that’s good, right?
GaGa also spoke about how she wants to stand up for herself more against those who are out to fuck her over, saying:
Sometimes I get this gut feeling about people—maybe I sense a hidden agenda or that they care for the money more than the message. I wish that I’d listen to that feeling instead of waiting for the truth to rear its ugly head. I’m a smart girl. I’m loyal. But sometimes I’m too loyal. I’m not loyal enough to myself.
Well, there ya go. You should never feel bad about cutting anyone out of your life who isn’t worth being there, girl. I’m with you on that. I just sorta wish you’d stop doing naked photoshoots with your legs wide open and some stupid object covering your modesty. It’s getting a little old.