Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lindsay Lohan’s ‘The Canyons’ Has a Trailer And It’s Awful

Who here is excited to see Lindsay Lohan and James Deen‘s cinematic masterpiece, The Canyons? Come on, don’t be shy, raise those hands! No one? Huh. Odd.

This is apparently a revenge thriller and shout out to IFC Films for a) taking this piece of shit on and b) doing their damndest to make it seem ~artistic~ despite its lead stars being a porn actor and a drug-addled mess. They’ve done such a good job into hoodwinking people into thinking this could actually be the case that they’re having the premiere at Lincoln Center! The world is a funny place.

What do you think of the trailer? Will you see this mess?

6 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I’m… not entirely sure what I just watched. I’m guessing the film takes place in some sort of dystopic future wherein our robot overlords have shut down all cinemas and film production. Our hero, Pornstar McAntiestablishment, decides he’ll make his own films in defiance of the evil robots, and enlists the help of a young girl to help him. The young girl has a secret, however; SHE, TOO, IS A ROBOT. But she’s not like the others. No, Young Girl Robot equally despises the overlords due to their constant, undue persecution of her. She wants nothing more than to be human, but her programming is faulty, and so she remains somewhere between cyborg and automoton, unable to successfully mimic human emotion. Pornstar McAntiestablishment must continue making movies to help the human race due to plot, while at the same time teaching Young Girl Robot how to properly emote. They fall in love over their mutual inability to understand the script of this film, and eventually bring down the Evil Robot Alliance with Art, because social commentary.

    Am I right?

  • I am so tired of all the shitty comments about Lindsay. Face it, she’s fine as hell and definitely can act. Who cares about what she’s in trouble for from time to time. Did she hit YOUR car? Did she steal from you? Does she owe you money? No, I think everyone who downs her would really jump on her if given the chance-problem is-they can’t so they put her down. As far as James goes- it always cracks me up when the so-called “righteous” or even the regular guys put down adult film stars but secretly wish that’s exactly who they were. I mean, who doesn’t want to tap Stoya or Jessie Jane or Riley Steele? Answer THEY DO. I wish the both of them the absolute best of luck, whether it’s Lindsay getting a well-deserved hit film finally or James moving into mainstream films.

    • She can act????? Obviously you have not seen Liz and Dick, I know Who Killed Me, Georgia Rules, Just My Luck, and any other movie she has done since Mean Girls.

      She can’t act. She WAS a child star. Now she is a has been.

      • Awww Haters all. If she never gets to do any more films how are we ever going to see those awesome titties?I thought she was good in Georgia Rules but I didn’t see the new ones. People say Kelly Brook can’t act either.but…..