Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Nigella’s Dirtbag Husband Accepts Police Caution Really Just To Get It Over With

charles saatchi

I swear I’ll stop writing about this story soon (when someone chokes THIS asshole out), but Charles Saatchi has received an official caution for assaulting his wife, Nigella Lawson. But wait just a second, wasn’t this whole incident totally all in good fun? Of course it was! He didn’t accept the caution because he’s GUILTY (even though that’s exactly what accepting it means), but rather just so get it done and over with so he can continue his life as a rich, wife-abusing dickhead.

From The Evening Standard:

He said he voluntarily attended a police station where he was questioned for four hours yesterday about pictures which showed him grabbing his wife Nigella Lawson around the throat during an argument outside a Mayfair restaurant.

He told the Standard today: “Although Nigella made no complaint I volunteered to go to Charing Cross station and take a police caution after a discussion with my lawyer because I thought it was better than the alternative of this hanging over all of us for months.”

So far, Ms Lawson, one of Britain’s favourite cookery writers and the host of a number of cookery TV shows, has refused to comment on the incident.

Her spokesman has confirmed only that she and her children have left the family home but would not say whether this was permanent.

However, friends say the couple appeared relaxed and normal in the days following the argument at Scott’s restaurant, even holding two dinner parties for family and friends at their London home.

They said the couple were known to have occasional arguments but there was nothing in their relationship to suggest anything more serious.

I love that he felt the need to point out that Nigella hadn’t lodged a complaint. You know, because that’s super easy for all abused women to do – especially when they’re in the public eye and probably have partners who threaten them should they go to the police. Also, I hope that it hangs over you for the rest of your fucking life, you piece of shit. It’ll certainly hang over hers – you don’t forget being hurt by ANYONE, let alone someone who’s supposed to love you. I’m sure his past two wives would have something to say on the subject, because he didn’t start hitting women this late in life, that’s for sure.

As for the dipshits who said they “appeared normal”… uh, how do you think abusive relationships are sustained? Certainly not because the signs are everywhere that domestic violence is happening. I mean, I hate to go all Mugatu here, but I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!!!

Nigella, girl, do not go back to that asshole. You can do so much better for yourself. You can even come stay with me, if you’d like. I’m on a diet but I’d eat your Everyday Brownies if you felt like making a batch to cheer us up.

1 CommentLeave a comment

  • I wonder how that warning went. “Sir I’m terribly sorry but you choked your wife in public. That behavior is meant to be kept behind closed doors. Don’t let us catch you at it again.”