Charles Saatchi, the nasty, wrinkled nutsack that somehow brainwashed Nigella Lawson into marrying him 10 years ago, was finally caught out (well, caught out AGAIN) as the total piece of shit he is when he was photographed repeatedly choking her at a London restaurant. Nigella left in tears and later is thought to have taken her 17-year-old son and moved out of the family house and Scotland Yard are investigating. But wait just a second, Charles has something to say. This whole thing is one big misunderstanding – he was just playing around and having fun!!!
From The Evening Standard:
A spokesperson for Scott’s said: “The staff and management at Scott’s are aware of the reports in the media and would like to make it clear that they did not see the alleged incident nor were they alerted to it at the time.”
Today Mr Saatchi, the former advertising mogul, multi-millionaire art collector and columnist for this newspaper said: “About a week ago, we were sitting outside a restaurant having an intense debate about the children, and I held Nigella’s neck repeatedly while attempting to emphasise my point.
“There was no grip, it was a playful tiff. The pictures are horrific but give a far more drastic and violent impression of what took place. Nigella’s tears were because we both hate arguing, not because she had been hurt.
“We had made up by the time we were home. The paparazzi were congregated outside our house after the story broke yesterday morning, so I told Nigella to take the kids off till the dust settled.”
Ms Lawson has no immediate plans to return home. Her agent declined to comment this morning.
Uh, okay. It’s totally fun to choke your wife when trying to make a point! What a barrel of laughs, LOL! It’s even funnier when the person you apparently love and just choked (in a public restaurant, no less) leaves in tears and then moves out of your family home because she’s most likely terrified of what the hell you’ll do next and embarrassed as hell that you did such a thing to her. TOTALLY HILARIOUS, MAN!!! She looks like she’s having a great time here:
Fuck this guy, seriously. I’d like to choke him, and there’d be nothing playful about it.