Those lips. Those extensions. Those grubby little dwarf hands. It can’t possibly get any better than this (no, I’m serious—have you even watched this clip? Because it’s probably as good as it gets, which is why it’s being released right now, guys).
I mean, honestly. What kind of face even is this?:
I can tell you what it’s supposed to be, having a little bit of a theater background myself—it’s *supposed* to be a “Oh my God, I’m so relieved that I was able to catch this half-empty plastic water bottle before it clattered to the floor, thus waking up the scary dude that I just woke up next to,” and not “Holy f-ck, guys, I’ve got a JOB! I’ve got A JOB! I’ve got a JOB and I can BARELY keep the self-satisfied little smirk off my face even when I’m supposed to be ‘acting’!” It’s like she’s not even focused, but that’s hardly surprising, considering the fact that she’s so drug-addled by … Oh wait. No, my bad. Now that I think of it, it’s actually totally surprising, because I’ve heard that drugs like cocaine and Adderall are supposed to make you super-focused and intent on what you’re doing. So, OK. Surprises are here, I guess. Surprises for days.
Here. Here’s another still. She’s supposed to be “frightened” here, and possibly “threatened,” too. But this is the face you get:
This one here says, “Still excited! Still squeeing! Still mentally shopping for new teeth!”
Also. Who the hell jumps out of bed that angry? Who the hell jumps out of bed that angry? Come on. This whole project is just completely unbelievable, and if this James Deen character is as bad in porn as he is in film, then well. I know that I won’t be wasting my time Googling “James Deen penis” anytime soon.