Once upon a time, there was a girl named Kristen Stewart. And she was an ornery little thing who had little to no regard for anyone but herself and her mighty marijuana-loving whims. And one day Kristen Stewart, though she had long been in a relatively-monogamous relationship with someone who was quite honestly better than she could ever hope for, decided to clean the palate of a man with questionable dental hygiene (or questionable orthodontic practices at the very least). Kristen’s indiscretion was caught on camera, and to everyone’s surprise, the ornery little thing with little to no regard for anyone but herself issued a very public apology in a very public way to her partner, whom she had cheated on, and somehow ended up looking better than anyone by the time the scandal blew over.
Then one day a magazine called Marie Claire interviewed her, and in the photo editing department of this magazine, there happened to work a very angry young woman who knew all about Kristen Stewart’s philandering ways. The very angry young woman knew that there was nothing she could do to rectify Kristen’s mistake, and in a fit of rage contorted and distorted the cover image for January 2013’s issue until Kristen looked like the emaciated, pale, (AUGHH! CHEATING!) bloodsucking vampire that goes by the name of “Bella” in the angry young woman’s head.
This cover happened, and now you know why.