Curse you, Kristen Stewart! Go back to your incessant lip biting and start giving bad interviews again so I can go back to disliking you. This new thing, this thing where I can actually stand you and sometimes even, dare I say, like you, needs to stop immediately. It’s just not the way the world was meant to be. Something has shifted in the universe, and I don’t want to be in the place I’m in right now.
The place I’m in right now, by the way, is “awww, Kristen!” It’s a very strange place to be.
Kristen Stewart knows the truth about cats and dogs.
The Snow White and the Huntsman star has an 8-year-old cat named Max, and helps care for Bear, the dog that Robert Pattison rescued from a shelter in Louisiana.
During an interview with Teen.com, she was asked, “Animals love Snow White … Who loves you more, Max or Bear?”
“They both love me in very different ways,” she said. “Bear is literally a child. He’s like my – he’s still a baby. Max is like, [makes an unpleasant face]. I mean, we live together. He’s like my roommate.”
Max may feel like he’s just sharing a living space with his owner, but the feeling isn’t mutual.
“We have a really strong, really weird codependent, almost Bella/Edward relationship,” she told PEOPLE in 2010. “I’m going to be a crazy cat lady one day, I’m sure.”
When Kristen said that she had an “almost Bella/Edward relationship” with her cat, that’s the moment that my world changed forever. That’s one of the best things that I’ve ever heard, and that’s the reason that I’m going to spend today staring intently at my cat, saying things like “you’re my own personal brand of heroin” in a quiet, creepy voice. The only thing that’ll be wrong with that, though, is that my cat is consistently more expressive and entertaining than Kristen Stewart was when she played Bella. That, and I’m not sure how possible or safe it would be to get him to bite his lip.