Normally I wouldn’t give two shits about Gwyneth Patrow and her pretentious ass walking around New York City looking like a pretentious ass, but I saw these photos today and they gave me pause. You know why? Because last night I watched a movie that I never really thought I’d end up seeing, and it was honestly pretty good. Know what it was? Country Strong. It was GOOD, guys. Have any of you seen it? Generally, I’m a sucker for cheesy-ass movies, but I won’t see them ’til at least eighteen months after they’re “new,” and this was no exception. I remember writing about Country Strong a year and a half ago, saying that it looked really awful and really cheesy, but really good at the same time, and that I’d inevitably end up seeing it. And I did! It’s so funny how things work out sometimes.
I do realize that the movie’s pretty old already by modern standards, but I wanted to talk about it for a second. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie already, I’m going to tell you right now: spoiler. Huge spoiler. Ready? Here comes the spoiler! Gwyneth Paltrow—or Kelly Canter, in the film—kills herself. Kills herself. Total surprise right there.
You begin the movie kind of empathizing with her while she’s in rehab for alcoholism, and when she’s checked out too soon and forced back onto the touring circuit by her douchebag husband (who you end up empathizing with later on in the movie, oddly enough, because he’s just a sad old man), she relapses one, two, three times, and blows two shows, and then you’re like, “Ugh, this dumb bitch is just like Lindsay Lohan. I have no hope for her.” Then, later on, she gets seedy seedy seedy, and ends up pole dancing at a dive bar and f-cking her grody tour manager because she doesn’t want her last show to be cancelled. That’s when you start pitying her. And when you find out that she was in rehab because the prior year she’d taken a ten-foot tumble off-stage while five months pregnant and wasted, you’re kind of appalled and piteous and maybe a little sympathetic, too. She blows her last show out of the water, people think she’s “healed,” and then she goes and locks herself in her dressing room and OD’s on pills. She dies. Mindf-ck.
There’re other, more secondary storylines going on that involve Garrett Hedlund and Leighton Meester and love and not making the same grand mistakes that Gwyneth’s character did and blah blah blah, but guys! I don’t know. I’m still floored by the fact that after all that, she kills herself.
Anyway. Here’s the other photo of the Jerry Seinfeld lookalike checking Gwyneth out in NYC. Enjoy.