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5Snooki Dances for Zantrex


Wow. Wowwowwow. So bad. Snooki: so bad. If you didn’t watch the video, I’ll spare you the gory details and just say that Snooki is so excited, and she just can’t hide it, over Zantrex-3′s fat-burning pills. Because yes, though she said in the past that her weight loss was all natural and had nothing to do with anything aside from good old-fashioned eating better, cutting out booze, exercising, and drinking tons of water, she’s finally come clean and fulfilled her contract with endorsed Zantrex-3 with open arms.

Still not sure what Zantrex-3 is? It’s more or less a caffeine pill laced with fancy-sounding herbs. It’s kind of like living on a diet of Vivarin and green tea, and probably not much else. Wanna hear the potential side-effects of taking Zantrex-3? Well, shoot, OK!:

Cardiovascular
Zantrex-3 has several potential cardiovascular side effects. Specifically, this supplement may increase heart rate and cause irregular heartbeats or palpitations. Additionally, an increase in blood pressure may result. If you have a medical history of cardiovascular disease, you should not take this supplement because of the stimulant effects of caffeine. In general, people taking this supplement should reduce or limit their intake of caffeinated beverages to avoid potential side effects.

Gastrointestinal
The caffeine in Zantrex-3 may lead to gastrointestinal problems, such as nausea and vomiting, decreased appetite, diarrhea and general stomach discomfort. Such side effects may subside, but do not ignore these symptoms if they persist; for example, continued diarrhea can lead to dehydration. Seek medical attention if any of these effects persist.

Urological
Caffeine can act as a mild diuretic, so Zantrex-3 may increase frequency of urine output. Consequently, individuals with a medical history of kidney disease or renal problems should consult a physician before taking this supplement.

Psychological
The high amount of caffeine present in this substance may produce effects that involve nervousness with jitters, sleep problems and irritability. Changes in mood may occur as well as increased feelings of anxiety or panic. Individuals with anxiety or mood disorders should check with a physician before taking Zantrex-3.

Well all that just sounds awesome, doesn’t it? Irritability, excessive peeing, nausea, vomiting, general stomach discomfort. Honestly, Snooki may as well go ahead and get pregnant, since she’s so used to the symptoms, right? You know what’s scarier than a Snooki all amped up on glorified caffeine pills? Pregnant Snooki all amped up on glorified caffeine pills.

I shudder at the thought. Please, Zantrex-3, let’s maybe find out down the road that excessive use of your product results in the possibility of sterilization, OK? At least in this case?

January 27, 2012 at 4:30 am by Sarah

5 Responses to “Snooki Dances for Zantrex”

  1. pufinstuf says:

    It would be easier to just stick your finger down your throat.
    Oh- or to eat a balanced diet and exercise.

  2. KKangaroo says:

    Wow the only think I noticed was that it looks like they used black face in this commercial.

  3. Argle Bargle says:

    She could lose 30 pounds and still look fat. And “Snooki” for a nickname? What is she, a Chihuahua? Seriously, “Snooki” sounds like something left hanging from your nose after you sneeze.

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