So I think I’ve finally figured out why LeAnn Rimes does nothing but tromp around in a barely-there bikinis that expose 99% of her unclothed body. It’s because anytime she actually wears something of substance, she ends up swimming in it, and she can’t afford the uber-high-end clothing that equally-teeny-tiny international supermodels like Karlie Kloss can. So what happens? Well, in a word, she ends up looking like the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz, just a whole hell of a lot thinner and with slightly better hair. And with those major tits, can’t forget that part.
But the getup, right. That’s what this is supposed to be all about, really, so let’s talk about it. I positively adore the sweater. It’s orange, it’s long-sleeved, it’s a cardigan, which might be my most favorite article of clothing of all time next to sweats, and it looks like it’s made from a really great-feeling fabric. Probably some kind of cheap poly blend that works both lounging around the house with sweats and even out in public, as long as it’s paired with the right dress or shirt. Good call on the fashion versatility, there, LeAnn. Crafty.
The dress … eh, I guess it’s so-so; I like the pattern and the color, but the fabric looks awfully scratchy and the neckline, racer-back, and close-to-the-collarbone cropped shoulder straps are pretty bad. Especially when you can see it all right through the cheap (albeit comfy) sheath sweater. The hat looks great with the entire ensemble, and the bag (though it’s brown) really caps off the entire look. The shoes pretty much almost ruin the entire thing, and a nice pair of yellow leather flats (to match the wallet) would probably have looked way better.
All in all, I’d say put on a few pounds, LeAnn, so that your hips are at least as wide as your big old gunshell tits, lose the make-you-look-gawky gladiator platforms, and you’re probably in business. Now if you could stop resembling your squint-faced, equine husband and start making some more music, you could be on a really great track.
It’s not like I’m going to hold my breath or anything, though.