I had big Saturday night plans, you guys. My mother’s nurse and I popped popcorn and uncapped the pickles; we’d been planning our evening for months.
And from 7-9pm CST, we were treated to the magnificent alternate reality that is Drew Peterson: Untouchable.
First of all, I have to hand it to Rob Lowe. His accent was “untouchable,” for sure; he was a cross between Dennis Farina and Malcolm in the Middle‘s Jane Kaczmarek.
I am not going to lie, though: this was the second-worst movie I have ever seen. (A movie called Trespass, which I had watched only the night before, wins by a nose.)
Anyway. Over at Grantland, writer-comedian Max Silvestri has culled all of the best Rob Lowe lines. Most of them are real! (Yes, Rob Lowe repeatedly refers to himself as “Big Daddy” in this movie—it’s true.)
In the meantime, you are perhaps wondering whether to-be-convicted, probably-a-murderer IRL Drew Peterson got a load of Rob Lowe’s portrayal. Turns out Drew Peterson got an advance screening! The Chicago Tribune:
“He thought it was hysterical,” said Joel Brodsky, Peterson’s lead defense attorney. “He chuckled at all of the inaccuracies and things that never happened.”
Oh. The “things that never happened.” Hilarious.
Brodsky showed Peterson the movie for legal reasons, saying it could play an important role in jury selection and whether the defense petitions for a change of venue.
Prosecutors also have said they have a professional obligation to watch it tonight, and plan to do so.[…]
Peterson also did not seem overly worried about the movie’s impact on prospective jurors, Brodsky said.
“Obviously he is concerned people might be influenced by the movie’s inaccuracies,” Brodsky said. “But we agreed that anyone who thinks a Lifetime movie is factual shouldn’t be on a jury in the first place.”
I have, in fact, contemplated the ethics of making a Lifetime movie about a yet-untried, innocent-till-proven-guilty murderer. But I’d never considered the idea of said murderer watching his own bio-pic for legal reasons! Wow! Weird.
(Image via the Chicago Tribune.)