Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lindsay Lohan’s Purse Found, Returned

A photo of Lindsay Lohan

After Lindsay reported her purse missing—and this was a $5000 Chanel, you guys, containing $10,000 cash—police looked for the bag, couldn’t find it, and left.

Then everybody at the house party stayed until the sun came up (hmmmmm), ‘searching’ for that all-important handbag.

Here is what happened next, according to TMZ: Lindsay’s friend noticed a “suspicious-looking local” sneaking around, and the friend asked the man about the missing handbag. The man feigned no knowledge of a Chanel purse, and he left.

But then he returned with the purse, announcing he’d “found it” somewhere.

And everything was still in the bag! Everything! Well, except for the money. The money was long gone. “We’re told Lindsay was so ecstatic to have the bag back, she didn’t bother asking questions,” TMZ reports, “despite the missing $10,000.”

I love this story so much. There is so much schadenfreude here I can barely stand it. I especially love readers’ reactions. Because your first thought is invariably “This story is all fake.” Your next thought is, “Boy, Lindsay sure doesn’t want to go to court on Wednesday, does she.” And the next thought, which occurs to you maybe thirty seconds later, is usually “Ohhhh, I bet the $10,000 was supposed to buy drugs.” Right?

At this point we are too, too able to believe that Lindsay keeps $10,000 in her purse for drugs; the claim that she also “lost her passport,” meanwhile, defies all credulity. That is totally hilarious.

Oh, Lindsay.

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