Jamie Bell was Billy Elliot in Billy Elliot, in case you didn’t know. He was also in The Chumbscrubber and he was in the music video for Green Day’s “Wake Me Up When September Ends” (which I just realized also features Evan Rachel Wood, so excuse me for flailing). But now he’s in The Adventures of Tintin, which means that he’s getting interviews with publications like GQ, which means that he has a great platform to show the world how wonderful he is. Ready?
On gifts from fans: I’ve got lots of weird illustrations of me from Japanese fans. I also got a dead moth. [Pause] Which actually might be more of a threat than a present.
On superheroes: My favourite superhero is obviously Batman because he’s the sexiest.
How to impress ladies: Buy her flowers? Take her home on the weekend to meet your mother? No. Let’s cut to the primal – be good in the sack. [Slaps thighs] Have an understanding of what’s going on down there and have fun, awesome sex.
His favorite drink: I’ve always loved those Yazoo banana milkshakes. Alcoholic drink depends on what mood you’re in, doesn’t it? Absinthe does make the heart grow fonder.
And now for the best interview excerpt I’ve ever read in my whole entire life:
What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?
What’s the best penis I’ve ever seen?
No! Actually, what is the best penis you’ve ever seen?
[Collapses into laughter] That is a good question. The best piece of advice I ever received was “Don’t f*** your publicist.” Russell Crowe told me that. It’s probably a smart move. [Both of his publicists are now in the room, attempting to bring the interview to a close] No! It’s GQ!
What skill should every man have?
Skill? You know what I’m going to say. A man should have a good understanding of a vagina. He should be good at oral sex. On a woman.
You do realise you’ve got another publicist standing right behind you?
I don’t care. A skill a man should have? Making fires and pleasing a woman. In the vaginal area.
Man, Jamie Bell sure cares about vaginas, huh? Can you dig it? Because I don’t know about you, but anybody who thinks important skills include “making fires and pleasing a women in the vaginal area” and who says things like “absinthe makes the heart grow fonder” deserves a pat on the back and a nod of appreciation.
Could you get into Jamie Bell here?