Here’s one for all of you out there who thought Katy Perry was a bright one. It turns out that she hires some pretty questionable people when it comes to penning super-important things like rules for Katy Perry transportation. I mean, what on earth could be MORE IMPORTANT than Katy Perry transport? There are kids DYING IN THE WORLD, but making sure the doors are unlocked when you pick Katy Perry up from her LA mansion totally tops that sad-ass excuse for a reason to cry.
Also, and apparently, everyone surrounding Katy Perry is so busy trying to avoid staring at Katy Perry that their brains have turned to mush and the part that’s in charge of cognitive thinking and, you know, spelling proficiency has permanently been set on a low burner.
This can be the only explanation for the following rider to be riddled with such blatant misspellings. I mean, ‘mirrow’ for ‘mirror’? There’s a ton of ’em, but how many can YOU pick out? Jump in to read all of the rules and regulations that must be adhered to when driving Katy Perry’s lazy ass around, and leave your corrections in the comments. I’ll be watching.
This one is a gem: “Do not STAIR at the backseat THRU the rearVIEUw MIRROW”.
Oh lordy.
more importantly, wtf is going on with her chest in that photo?? they photoshop the hell out of her face and forget her boobs? that doesn’t seem right..
Two words: zombie boobs.
Wow, what a twat!
Yikes…. Her chest is translucent, like she’s got scurvy or something…..maybe they are scars from tit-zits!
she is so fucking gay
She should check the “matinees” of her sweater meats before pick up.
how is the driver supposed to “ask if in doubt”, if the driver isn’t allowed to talk to anyone?
Wow… I can’t believe they left off “Driver must pretend to give a fuck who the client is and must also pretend the client has talent.”
Or maybe those just go without saying. Whatever.
Stay in the far left lane but no speeding…….Great ANOTHER douchebag LA Freeway driving instruction
Obviously not a Katy Perry fan. BABY YOUR A FIREWORK COME ON LET YOUR COLOURS BURN!!!
Sure, I’ll go! I live for this ish. (But fun things are never quite as much fun when Debbie Downer storms in to unpack them all, sorry.)
PRINCIPAL DRIVER POLICY (or maybe “Principal Driver Principles”? lololololol)
All vehicles must have a front passenger seat. (Well.)Driver must stay behind the steering wheel at all times.If the driver leaves the vehicle, he (or she) must notify the client. (I realize we are living in gender-neutral-pronoun times and grammar is fluid etc. etc., but come on, “they” is sloppy. Also, isn’t this rule kind of a physical impossibility, given the policy right before it? But whatever.)The driver’s window must be down 1/2 way (????) at every pick-up and drop-off. (This is just lazy writing. Also, and this is a stylistic gripe if anything, but “pick-up” really ought to be hyphenated. Or maybe smushed into one word, if you are a prose daredevil!)The driver’s cellphone ringer must be turned off. (“Cellphone” is actually acceptable, however nonstandard.)The driver will not make any personal calls while driving the client, nor will he talk on the phone while driving, except in cases of emergency or special instruction or something like that, you know, something not like this what is this I don’t even (P.S. “Nor will he be talking”? Yikes.)The driver is not blah blah blah The artist’s security blah blah blahThe driver will not talk to the client’s guests or fans. (I think? It’s also possible this is supposed to read, “The driver will not talk to the clients, guests, or fans,” I can’t even tell.)…and only if no direct parking is available in the direct vicinity. (Spelling; redundancy.)The driver will never assume: always ask if in doubt. (“If in doubt, ask” would work better because it has kind of an iambic musicality, but this is obviously an office memo we’re workshopping, so.)Always have 2 company cards with contact information (driver’s cellphone # & company dispatch #) ready upon arrival for the passengers. (Now, style guides are at odds regarding “2” versus “two,” so it’s really a fight I wouldn’t pick with an agent furiously tapping missives into her Blackberry. And the ampersand? Quizzical face.)We will always open doors. Driver must stay in the driver’s seat. (OKAAAAAY ALREAAADYYYY, MOOMMMM)Do not stair at the backseat thru the rearvieuw mirrow. (Holy complimentary champagne, Batman!)Always check the vehicle matinees before pick-up. (I’m just bolding this one for fun. I’m just a starving bohemian, so I don’t know if this is a mistake or like a real actual thing. Like maybe it’s a fancy drop-down widescreen plasma! Whaaaat!)
Oh, no! Welp, bullets/formatting fail! Guess I won’t be penning memos for Katy Perry :(
BRAVA! LOL
Loving this so hard.
What kind of cars do not have a front passenger seat?
what is a vehicle matinee?!
I have seen some of those same errors when I used a speech to text program.
No excuse for spell / grammar checking afterwards though.
…Katy Perry Is THE BEST ….
I just wonder at how you can do requirement #2 while also accomplishing requirement #21. “Yes, Mrs. Perry I can pick up your bags for you so long as you hand them to me. You see I have to stay behind this wheel at all times.”
Kate Perry is a twat… Bullocks.
I, for one, am glad she hires drivers with principles.
wow BIG zombbie boobs
howare you dowing ;ooh i am good just having sex with your boy frend in the clost ;what the fuck you are the most gayest persojn i now fuck u very much