Jeff Bridges’ official title is Icon of the Year, and maybe I’m young and naive, but why? Is it because of the new TRON movie? Is it a nod to his work in The Last Unicorn? It’s probably because of how Crazy Heart was all over the Oscars like a bad case of crabs, isn’t it? Yeah, that’s probably why.
Then there’s Drake, who’s been named the Breakout of the Year, and I just don’t know who he is. I mean, I know he sang some songs, but let’s be real, the only time I would have heard of any currently popular hip hop artist would be at the gay bar, and it’s not like I’d ever go up to the DJ and ask for names because I’m always way too focused on my margarita and on talking to this guy who likes to sing Disney songs to me and then pretend like I didn’t notice that he just snorted something off his hand. So I apologize, Drake, but I’m sure you’d understand.
Next is James Franco, whose work I’m actually familiar with, as the Leading Man of the Year. I’m pretty sure this is because everyone thinks he’s going to get an Oscar for 127 Hours. Has anyone seen that? From what I’ve read, it’s pretty gruesome and also not that great. Whatever, GQ is about ten years too late anyway. Remember Freaks and Geeks? Exactly.
Finally, Stephen Colbert is the Patriot of the Year, and this is by far my favorite. I don’t understand how one could not love Stephen Colbert, and I might go as far as to say that he deserves higher honors, such as the sole GQ cover or perhaps something of the Nobel variety.
What do you guys think about GQ’s list? Do you have cruel words for me because of my Drake ignorance? Are there men who have been tragically overlooked? Tell me all about it, guys.