Ohhhh, you guys, gossip doesn’t get much better than this.
Michael Lohan is engaged to Kate Major.
If that name sounds familiar, it’s because you’ve heard it before. Kate Major is the former Star reporter who had to quit her job after striking up a romantic relationship with Jon Gosselin. She’d be friends with Michael Lohan for awhile at that point — because what kind of Star reporter are you if you’re not buddy-buddy with Michael Lohan? — and I’m pretty sure she’s the reason Michael and Jon became friends. When Jon ditched out on Kate 2.0 to focus his attentions on Hayley Glassman, Major took up with Lohan. Are you following so far? Does it hurt?
Now, 49-year-old Michael is engaged to 27-year-old Kate (for those of you doing the math, this is four years older than Lindsay). The age difference? “It’s never been an issue,” says Kate. I believe her, because they’re both about 13 years old emotionally. And if you look at Kate’s face, you can tell that she’s gained about 20 years of stress (and 20 pounds of ugly) since the two hooked up, so I’d say we can call it even.
Michael even got permission from Kate’s father. “I’m very traditional, so I wanted him to talk to my father,” Major says. “Michael went down with me to Florida for Easter, to meet my father to ask for his permission, and my father gave his blessing.” Who the hell is your father? What kind of father gives his permission for his 27-year-old daughter to marry the balding spawn of Satan? Maybe it’s the same kind of father who would sell secretly recorded phone conversations of his daughter crying hysterically to Radar. Repeatedly.
FORTUNATELY, Michael Lohan may have the chance to do fatherhood right, because he and Kate want kids, and soon. “That’s one of the things I spoke to her dad about. I’m not getting any younger and Kate wants to have children,” he says.
Ohhhhh. Mah. Gawd. There is no hope for this world if Michael Lohan is allowed to procreate again. Please please please God, let this man be infertile. The Father of the Year award will find another recipient, I promise.
i don’t like how you said “20 pounds of ugly”. obviously, she’s not “fat” (whatever the hell that word even means anymore), and your wording grates on me as someone with body image issues (though who doesn’t have body image issues?). gaining weight does not equal ugly.
though you probably meant it as simply referring to a large amount of ugly, not meaning to draw any correlation between gaining twenty pounds and being ugly. but still… i’m overly sensitive. ;)
I think you shouldn’t take it too personally or too seriously. That actually cracked me up the “twenty pound of ugly”. I’m still laughing out loud about it haha.
Yes, Gossip Blogger, be super nice all the time so you don’t offend one reader with body image issues. THANKS!!1!!!
Of course gaining weight means you are getting ugly, just like growing a mustache. What planet you are from girl?
Meet the “Massingiils”
Douchebag marries Douchehag
Well played.
she is pregnant. That’s 20 lbs of ugly right there. Preggo. Pre. Go..
my first thought exactly.
WTF are they wearing? Something from the Jersey Shore clothing line I’m going to guess. Nice tank top doucebag.
Don’t forget the backward baseball cap on the male douchebag. Always looks good to cover up the receding hairline.
“Sloppy seconds”? Really? Would that not apply to any woman that is not a pure virgin, and in that sense, should you not fuck off with that bullshit? That is a completely insulting term only applied to women (I notice Michael would never be called Dina’s “sloppy seconds”). I am surprised Zelda Lily will even link to this site.
Blue is right! She’s more like “Slushy Seven Thousands”.
That wife-beater looks absolutely atrocious. COVER UP!
With parents like Michael and Dina, Lindsay never had a chance. I feel sorry for hell all over again.
As long as that guy is around, I’ll always be second douche.
We get it, your name is douche and you use images related to douche. You are some creative fucking dude, EBD. Why not show your face, it’s not like your mug isn’t already posted on flyers everytime you move telling your neighbors that a pedophile has moved to town.
Anon, the Internet hate machine, seeks clarity.
“..for her” or “…for her hell.” Either one.
Announcing a reality show about their “engagement” in 3, 2, 1…
I’m counting the nanoseconds until they start suing each other. What will the suits be about?
“She used her extensive tabloid connections to hinder me from making an honest living selling tapes of my famous child and former friends and lovers talking about nothing!”
“I deserve half of the royalties from the immortal tome that we co-wrote about her two-day affair and my five-month friendship with Jon Gosselin. But she wants a bigger cut because she saw him naked and has a napkin he wrote on offering her a non-existant job!”
He looks handsome. Is he single now? His blog and photos were found at millionaire&celeb dating site —– ” m e e t i n g r i c h ? c o m “—- last week. I am wondering what kind of relationship he is seeking on that site.
I see in the photo that Michael has his hand on Kate’s stomach. Isn’t that a typical dad-to-be pose? I would put money on a bet that she’s allready knocked up with his hellspawn, and asking her father’s permission was just used as an excuse to avoid a shotgun wedding.