One week after Melissa Joan Hart appeared on the cover of People magazine to show off her new slimmer body, she slaps every other dieting mother in America right in the face by opening a new candy store, named SweetHarts, in Sherman Oaks, California.
The store’s website reveals that the menu will include frozen yogurt, gelato, baked goods, candy, and a whole host of other items guaranteed to derail a diet. It also reveals that Melissa’s mother originally considered naming her “Sweet.” That’s right. Her name was almost Sweet Hart.
If that right there doesn’t make you want to smack the annoying right out of the little witch, the Sabrina star claims to “love all the different [kinds of] candy” because they remind her of her childhood, but then goes on to say that she isn’t worried about regaining any of her recently lost weight by consuming any of the products from her own shop because she doesn’t really like sweets.
Do they offer something called a candy coated bitch slap? Cuz I’d buy one of those.
I haven’t read the People magazine article about her weightloss because there are only so many worthless, time wasting activities I can do in a week without starting to feel really bad about my life. But the cover quotes her as saying “I realized I don’t have to be heavy just because I have kids.”
Bitch please. You “don’t have to be heavy” because you’re rich and can hire a personal trainer, someone to cook meals for you, and someone to watch those kids for you while you work out or open your new candy store.
Next week, Paris Hilton will announce the grand opening of her financial planning service, the appropriately named “I Don’t Have Any Debt Because I’m Fucking Rich.” The service’s financial advisors will offer you high interest rate mortgages and credit cards, encourage you to spend well beyond your budget, then act superior and self-righteous when you can’t make your monthly payments.