Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Despite The Fact That No One Cares, Lance Armstrong Shares Reason For Split With Sheryl Crow


Oh, Lance Armstrong.  If he wasn’t busy with his knocked-up girlfriend, I’d so be trying to fix him up with Jennifer Aniston.  Why?  Because his biography, the imaginatively titled “Lance”, is coming out this summer and he talks about his break up with Sheryl Crow.  I know, I know-haven’t we all just been haunted, wondering “why?” ever since their split three years ago?  Anyway, I was thinking Lance and Jen would be the perfect couple.  They could get together and lament about Brad and Sheryl and we could all try to determine which of the four of them is the most tan.

As I’m pretty sure I said last December, Lance and Sheryl broke up in 2006 because they were in different places in their lives.  “Different places” is always code for “I don’t want kids,” or “I’m gay.”  She moved on and adopted a baby boy and he got his girlfriend pregnant because he thought his spermies were all dead soldiers.

In conclusion, this is what happens to you when there is a slow news day.  I talk about long-ended relationships that no one ever cared about even when they existed.  I will now go troll the wire looking for news on celebrity deaths, divorces and melees so we never have to suffer through another story like this again.  Wish me luck!

7 CommentsLeave a comment

  • “…we could all try to determine which of the four of them is the most tan.”

  • This might be a day late and a dollar short, but I have a soft spot for gross reality tv gossip and would love your sinister dish on the following, Wendie:

    Reality TV Star Tamra Barney Endorses Weight Loss Product Düzoxin®

    “Tamra Barney, cast member of Bravo TV’s hit docu-soap reality series, “The Real Housewives of Orange County” joins ranks with several other popular cast members of the show including Vicki Gunvalson, Jeana Keough and Ramona Singer of “The Real Housewives of New York” as an official spokesperson for Düzoxin®, a botanical weight management and energizing supplement.”

    Ok, ok, boring? But come on, anyone who followed Real Housewives of Orange County (I didn’t, I swear I swear!) would be disgusted at this.

    Heck I just found out a few days ago that Gretchen’s “fiance” Jeff, actually died. So basically this whore filmed a reality show during his battle with leukemia.

    Ok I watched every episode. Both seasons.

    Now, dish!

    Or not.

    I’ll still refresh the screen every thirty seconds.

    • Why si Duzoxin so bad to endorse? Is it one of those supplements that makes you crap out your whole body weight? Becuase, yes that is nasty! I don’t know what it is so it just seems like a way for them to get some money to me.

      Also, I know it will end up being a major let down, but I am oddly thrilled for the RHNYC reunion to hear Kelly defend her all around atrocious actions and her assault charge and to see how the Countess feels about her divorce…dun dun dunnnn! Watch what happens ;)

  • Not many Men nauseate me as much as Lance Headstrong. (Hello, matther Mac as well) LA is a ZERO. Just gross. He needs to get back together with his female sould partner, Kate Hudson.
    Who on earth would think it wise to have a baby with LA. Serial dater, serial cheater and from what I can only surmise from his arrogant departure in his first marriage, not the best Dad. Find me 5 photos ANYWHERE of him and his children….
    Yea, LA.. A real fucking catch.