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13Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin Cross That Line They Swore They Never Would

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After swearing that they’d never walk a red carpet together, Gwyn and Chris are working on plans to appear together at the Oscars later this month.  And this has truly convinced me that all the “troubled marriage” rumors are false.  Because if you attend awards shows together, that is the number one sign of a strong union.  For real.

I could never be a part of a Hollyweird couple.  How do you think this conversation went?  “Listen, I know we promised we’d never be photographed together, but people are talking about the fact that we’re never on the same continent at the same time.  My publicist was talking to your manager and they feel that we really need to consider doing this project.  Our likability ratings are nil right now.  This could really help us!  Could you stop working on your stupid, fucking GOOP site for one second and talk to me?”

These two never really seem to be a couple except when cranking out biblically named children, but rumors of a rift strengthened last month when Martin was hanging with Brit singer, Aleesha Dixon.  He offered her a ride on his private jet.  I think that’s Britcode for blow job but I’m not sure.

The picture of the happy couple is from 2005.  Aleesha Dixon, just because.

February 2, 2009 at 9:52 am by Wendie

13 Responses to “Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin Cross That Line They Swore They Never Would”

  1. Squeeziee says:

    I refuse to believe that Alesha Dixon would be involved in anything where the guy was married. I love her too much =P (plus that whole her-husband-cheating-on-her-with-that-bitch-Javine must have taught her to not get involved – right? RIGHT?).

    Dammit don’t make me question Alesha Dixon.

  2. JOHN! says:

    No Alesha would not do that. She has learned to breathe slow count from 1 to 10! She wouldn’t! She would rather die, than be like Javine the slag.

  3. Evil Beet says:

    “Could you stop working on your stupid, fucking GOOP site for one second and talk to me?”

    Haaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha.

  4. lolly says:

    rift rumors are lame. i vote we do away with them altogether. we’ll put two and two together (or apart) when we see photos of them with other people.

    no more phony statements. no more requests for privacy. just break up and start boinking others.

  5. hannah says:

    i love alesha dixon ! she would never do that :)

  6. thatLisa says:

    only 1 kid is biblically named… the other is fruit-based

    the goop thing was hilarious

  7. stillmg says:

    I’ve never heard of Aleesha but yum, at least she’d be a step up from wonder bread.

  8. joan says:

    my friend recently gave me a necklace like that, it’s so hideous i can’t believe someone is being photographed wearing it.

  9. Syrup says:

    Butterfly print…ouch my eyes hurt

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