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Things That Disney Will Love: Miley Cyrus Offered $1M Contract to Rep LifeStyles Condoms

July 28, 2008
Evil Beet
Miley Cyrus
69 Comments

Talk about thinking outside the box!

And by “thinking outside the box” I of course mean “thinking about 15-year-olds having sex.” Which is kind of like thinking inside the box, actually. Thinking inside the very underage box.

LifeStyles has offered Miley Cyrus a $1M contract to be a spokesperson for their condoms.

“Pop culture proves that teens are more ready than ever to discuss the subject of sex,” said Carol Carrozza, VP of Marketing for LifeStyles Condoms. “With recent reports showing that one out four teenage girls has an STD and the high level of teenage pregnancy, we believe that Miley is both influential and relatable to this afflicted set—and is the obvious choice to get the message of safe sex out to teens across America.”

Yeah, dude. Teens are totally ready to discuss the subject of sex. You can tell that by reading the 8,000 comments on Perez Hilton referring to “lindsey lohan” as a “totl slutt with an uggly cuchie but id still let her suck my dik lolollllol first1!!.” Yes, teens are ready to discuss the subject of sex. Just not in a mature or even marginally productive manner. I’m all about educating teenagers about safe sex, but sometimes I think we need to put less emphasis on safe sex and more emphasis on spelling and grammar. Gonorrhea or not, you’re still pretty screwed in this world when you can’t read or write. But I digress.

In addition to the $1M, LifeStyles will also provide Miley with a lifetime supply of condoms, for whenever she chooses to have sex, which was last year.

Miley hasn’t agreed to do this, and probably won’t — in fact, this is almost certainly a publicity stunt on the part of LifeStyles — but still. I kind of love the idea.

69 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I freakin love how you write: sarcastic, witty, and exciting all rolled into one. Thank you for providing this entertainment while I’m at work.

  • this was a great post. hahah. But I’m not going to lie I lost my virginity right before I turned 16. SO yeah…

  • Come on, LifeStyles, at least choose someone who is at least 18 years old. That would probably be in better taste.

    But I am right there with you on the grammar, Beet. That was probably one of the best paragraphs I have ever read.

  • Miley’s turning into another Vanessa Hudgens. She’s turning into a bad role model for young girls with these pictures she taking. She needs to get her act together. She’s stupid.

  • yeah the company is kinda stupid for asking a disney star to be a rep. and she could probably use the condoms but its not like her parents or her agent would ever let her do that.

  • i think its looks bad on the companies part
    asking a 15 year old to be a spokes person for the condoms!!
    but then, it shows what kinda rep she has…..

    doubt shes gonna do something like that anyway

  • Yeah, c’mon… asking a Disney star? They should hit up Britney Spears, or Christiina Aguilera, or Justin Timberlake, or … um, what? They were Disney stars?

    OK, well at least ask Disney stars of age! Like, em Jamie Lynn Spears, or…. um, what? She’s HOW old?!

    Err, forget it. :-)

  • Great post, Beet. You know what I love from the marketing VP’s quote? “this afflicted set.” Like they have bubonic plague or leprosy instead of STDs and pregnancy.

  • basically, this is a brazilliant post.
    while i clearly lack proper capitalization perfection-it’s BY CHOICE,…and i am nauseated by the global spelling and grammar pandemic (but mostly on PH.com).

    this post made my day, and pathetically, quite possibly- my week.

  • Their using someone they think will have an influence on younger people. Its not that hard to figure out . . .

  • Beet, you have now become my personal hero for the line
    “Gonorrhea or not, you’re still pretty screwed in this world when you can’t read or write.”

    Also shout out to CJ for calling out the inept V.P. of Marketing for her stupid ‘afflicted’ quote.

    And Violet, thank you for verbalizing what has most bothered me about this girl — her uncanny ability to mimic goldfish!!!

  • Thats ridiculous that the company asked a fifteen year old to do it. It makes them look extremely unprofessional. At least choose someone older, and someone who seems wiser. Eighteen would be a good age, theyre a legal adult but they’re still pretty much a teen. They should get someone with a cleaner reputation, because if miley cyrus just got up there and was like “don’t have sex. sex is bad. blahblahblah” it would seem soo hypocritical, seeing as what shes looking like lately.

    As for beets comment about the whole “teens can’t maturally discuss sex”, i think thats partially true. younger teens like 13-15 are too immature to really discuss sex. they don’t really understand the true impact of sex, what it can do to you, how it can make you feel emotionally. its pretty much just a joke to them until later on.

  • Maybe my eight yr old can stand next to her and blow them up like huge blimps! Ah, the good ole days.

  • Billy Ray must be clueless that his daughter is putting all these pictures out on the Internet. Or he’s a total dolt (most likely).

  • Hahahahahahahahahahhahahaha.
    I love Miley, and I hope she does this, cuz i’d be happy for days.

    I love Miley so much, that in my insomniatic state at 4 oclock in the morning, I watched her One in a Million movie in 3d! It’s so sad.

  • Beet,

    Can you please make Perez Hilton disapear? You could become the hero the The United States! You could become president! Or the next Theodore Roosevelt, Hillary Clinton, etc. – and every woman I have admired in my life. If you need help, let me know. (you know I am kidding, but he does annoy me).

  • people always said shes the next britney.. yea britney might be a dumb whore but shes not a dumb filthy worthless whore that is gonna be dropped by disney… good job, see i knew it. the faster your star rises, the faster it falls.

  • hm, 1mil isnt a lot =/ considering

    i think if one thing goes wrong, she’s going to snap
    other than that i think she’ll stay one the “brighter” side of things

  • OH ffs!!! Miley put ur clothes ON!!! I get teens tryna express themselvs…bt nt lik this :s ur only 15!!!

    stupid stunt…shes 15 :s i swer thats nt even legallllllll :s

  • Sorry but you are stooped of your decision. You shouldn’t have sex this age. people and gonna laugh at you. You could loose your fens. Kids love you and they buy your Hanna Montana stuff but when they find out that you have sex, they will not buy it. Your carer may be over. That means NO $MONEY$ & NO RICH GIRL AND HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Oh remember me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    It’s also Even Legal you have sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Oh

  • We love to have sex with you!!! We are only 10 but are pees are gigentic. so do want to have sex, hoty girl. hey sexy hay hey sexy hay hey sexy hay hey sexy hay.!!!!!

  • shes not the only teen the sends sexy pics out on the internet, stop making a big deal over someting so stupid. every one in the world has been horny at lest ONCE in thare life. (still sexy XD)

  • tht is so ture dere nuthin ronge with wat shes doin havein sex is wat everyone in dere mother is doin soo drop it let her live she wanna f*** all day n thtz on her lmaoooo….
    p.s i never tried it before but i want too lmaoooo