Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Elyse from Top Model Arrested for Domestic Violence!

Elyse Sewell from America’s Next Top Model Arrested on Domestic Violence Charges Man, I love this girl. Apparently her drunk-ass (now-ex-) boyfriend roughed her up in a Sacramento hotel room, and the both of them got dragged off to jail on domestic violence charges. I'm just gonna copy/paste what she wrote on her blog, because she's a brilliant writer herself, and I'm not going to be able to add much to this. She said "hoosegow." Nothing I can do will ever top saying "hoosegow." Nothing ever. I love you, Elyse. If you want to be BFF, seriously, email me. Like, you k...

Selling Out Lindsay Lohan: The Fastest-Growing Career on the Planet!

lindsays_boy.jpg Lindsay Lohan has to realize at some point that every time a penis goes into her vagina, it comes out a million dollars richer. Once your penis is in Lindsay Lohan, it's like a golden penis. It is a penis worth its weight in gold. That penis orgasms gold dust. That is a gilded urethra. Lindsay Lohan's vagital cavity is essentially a gold mine. I could go on. I have more. But I'll leave some for the other bloggers. Just weeks after Riley Giles sold his story to News of the World, som...