Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Michael Douglas to Undergo Chemo Treatment

Bad news for all of you Michael Douglas fans — and, of course, for Michael Douglas himself: turns out he has some kind of cancerous throat tumor and has to go through eight weeks of chemotherapy in order to beat the tumor into submission.

Douglas, who turned 65 this past year, claims in a statement that though he’s been diagnosed with what’s more or less throat cancer, he’s “very optimistic.” And I am, too, because Michael Douglas kicks ass. Michael Douglas is also a killer actor and producer, and has been in some of my favorite movies — The Game, Romancing the Stone (if you’ve never seen it, go — run, and rent it. Buy it, steal it, whatever, but see it!), Jewel of the Nile, One Night at McCool’s, The American President … I could go on and on.

So kick the shit out of that tumor, Mike, and rip its shitty little head off.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery!