Today's Evil Beet Gossip

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Brody Jenner and Kim Kardashian at Koi Restaurant, pictures pics photos

Ring, ring!
Brody Jenner: Hi, Kim.
Kim Kardashian: Hi, Brody.
BJ: Gee, Kim, I sure do wish I was more famous than I am. I had that one TV show that lasted three episodes, and then I was banging Nicole Richie, and then Lauren Conrad, and now I’m just plumb out of ideas.
KK: I have the same problem.
BJ: Any suggestions?
KK: You could pee on Lauren Conrad and tape it. That works well.
BJ: That’s a really good idea, but I don’t know if Lauren would go for it.
KK: You could get a DUI or get arrested for doing something totally retarded while you’re drunk.
BJ: Yeah, but that’s so Jason Wahler. I don’t want to look like a copycat.
KK: I guess you could try feuding with someone. Spencer Pratt maybe?
BJ: See, we did that earlier in the week, and it might have been a big deal at a different time, but Lindsay Lohan got that DUI. So we blew that load for nothing.
KK: That sucks. Paris and Nicole got mileage out of that shit for like two years.
BJ: I know. It’s not fair.
KK: I’ll tell you what: I’m marginally famous for nothing. So are you. What if we showed up somewhere together? That would get some publicity for sure.
BJ: Oooh, I like that idea!
KK: Awesome. You like sushi?
BJ: Totally.

At Koi last night.

Update: I forgot these two are step-siblings. Which will make it even better publicity for them when they start dating. Thanks Anna!

Britney’s Bodyguard Kicks Some Ass

Britney Spears Bodyguard attacks Photographer, Pictures, Pics, Photos

When are these bodyguards going to learn that beating up paparazzi only equals more negative publicity for whoever it is they’re “protecting?” Britney Spears’ bodyguard beat up a photog in Las Vegas on Thursday. From TMZ:

Las Vegas police cited Britney’s bodyguard last night in Las Vegas, for putting the smackdown on a photographer from Flynet agency.

The bodyguard, Julio Camera, nicknamed J.C., allegedly attacked the photog from behind after the lensman accidentally bumped Brit’s older son, Sean. J.C. is accused of laying the beating on him while he was on the ground, as Wynn Hotel personnel rushed to pull the overzealous hire-a-thug off the lensman.

The photog was treated for his injuries and charges will likely be filed.

Britney has also filed a crime report on behalf of Sean Preston.

Things Keep Looking Worse for Lindsay

I don’t think Lindsay Lohan could have crafted a more thorough destruction of her reputation and career even if she’d consulted with Michael Richards beforehand.

Remember the two other passengers in Lindsay’s car during the chase? TMZ sat them down for an interview, and they had quite a story to tell.

Apparently the evening began at a party in Malibu, where Lindsay was never without a drink, and was doing shots with people and generally getting retarded. Then her assistant, Tarin Graham, began fighting with her boyfriend, Dan Regan, outside the party. Lindsay went outside and screamed at her to shut up, at which point the assistant quit and got in her car to drive away. Three of Dan Regan’s friends were in their white GMC Denali outside the party. Lindsay reached in through the window, grabbed the keys and commandeered the vehicle.

Love it so far? Keep reading.

So all three people in the car are immediately concerned that Linday’s going to kill them in this vehicle. One of them jumps out of the car, Lindsay runs over his foot, and keeps driving. She chases Tarin south down PCH at 100 mph — including making several U-turns as Tarin tries to lose them — and into Santa Monica, at which point she loses Tarin after running several red lights in the process. Lindsay assumes that they’re headed toward Tarin’s mother’s house, and she arrives there just as Tarin’s mother was pulling into the driveway. The mother — who probably wasn’t up on the backstory here and didn’t know that it was Lindsay behind the wheel — freaked out and pulled out of the driveway and headed to the police station. The other two passengers warned Lindsay that’s where she was headed, but Linds responded with “I’m a celebrity. I’m not going to get in trouble.”

The cars stopped near the police station, and police vehicles pulled up. When Lindsay was asked for her side of the story, she responded that “I wasn’t driving. The black kid was driving.” Cute, Lindsay.

When taking her field sobriety test, Lindsay nearly fell over.

Jail is the New Black: Nicole Gets Four Days

Nicole Richie will Spend Four Days in Jail for her DUI

First Paris.

Soon Lindsay.

Now Nicole!

When is Britney Spears going to go to jail? She’s the last on the list!

Nicole Richie was sentenced today to spend four days in jail following her DUI last year. This was Nicole’s second DUI, and the minimum sentence in California is five days in jail. However, Nicole was given a full day of credit for the six hours she spent in the slammer after her arrest.

The pregnant Nicole is due in January. Sources say that it is unlikely she will be forced to spend time in jail before she gives birth.

So what gives? Paris gets 45 days in jail for driving on a suspended license, and Nicole gets four days for her second DUI? I guess it all depends on the judge …