Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Late-Night Links

Ryan Phillippe throws a hamburger at photogs, because everything’s totally fine. [Celebslam, photos]

Kirsten Dunst takes a break from chain-smoking to suck face with the lead singer of some band you’ve never heard of. You know who probably has heard of his band? His girlfriend. [Allie]

Tonya Harding’s whole life is Nancy Kerrigan’s revenge. [IBBB]

Nicole Richie is also going on a hunger strike until Sanjaya Malakar is voted off American Idol. Or until 2010, whichever comes first. [DListed]

Usher’s girlfriend finally ditches her husband. [Bossip]

It turns out that men would rather look at pictures of an exotic, hot, half-naked chick than listen to that same chick sing about she’s a “crazy bitch” who will “f*** you up.” Some lessons you learn the hard way, Tila Tequila. [Agent Bedhead]

Twin Peaks Season 2 makes its DVD debut. You know you wanna. [popbytes]

Hayden Panettiere gets a little frisky with the Stanley Cup. [Ninja Dude]

Tori Spelling uses the word “mommihood” on her MySpace blog, and, like, I don’t know what to do with the fact that she obviously put a great deal of thought into the spelling of a word that doesn’t exist. [SOW]

Larry Birkhead Dumps His Attorney

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Woo hoo! I read, like, three articles about the Anna Nicole Smith saga today. Somebody give me a cookie! It really hurts my head to follow this stuff these days, but this seemed like an intriguing turn of events, so I decided to read up on it.

Anna Nicole loverboy and sometime Ari Gold henchman Larry Birkhead has parted ways with his attorney, Debra Opri, resulting in an eruption of finger-pointing.

“I just had enough,” Opri told Extra. “I can’t represent a client who has a middle man by the name of Howard K. Stern. I feel very comfortable in my decision, and I wish Larry the best. But I am worried about him. I couldn’t continue with the way things were going…I don’t want anyone to think that I’m jumping ship. He’s close enough…I didn’t abandon Larry.”

Larry tells a different story to Access Hollywood (what, the Wall Street Journal wasn’t interested?). “I have chosen to go in a different direction. I have complete confidence in my attorney, Emerick Knowles, who’s handling the Bahamas portion of my case.”

For what it’s worth, TMZ seems fairly confident that Birkhead was the one initiating the split. They’re also being all “we’re such insiders” about it, stating that Birkhead and Opri “were butting heads over various issues for weeks. Because of confidences, TMZ cannot be more specific.”

So what’s up with Larry and Howard K. Stern being all buddy-buddy these days? I thought they hated each other. There’s something very, very strange going on here, and, I’d bet, quite a bit of ass-covering. I’ve heard some very strange rumors these past weeks, the most disturbing (and recurring) of which is that some evidence suggests the real father of Dannielynn is actually Anna’s son, Daniel. Ew and gross.

Having bravely delved into this story in order to bring it to you, I shall now return to the relative safety and simplicity of making easy jokes about how Ryan Seacrest may occasionally enjoy doing sex stuff with men until we get the results of this paternity case.

Blades of Glory Contest Winners!

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We want to offer a hearty thank-you to everyone who participated in our Blades of Glory contest on Wednesday. Normally, the majority of our correspondence from Evil Beet readers is hate mail from spelling bee champs, so it was refreshing to learn that we have a great deal of readers who are remarkably funny and grammatically competent. We received some amusing entries, our staff voted, and we’ve picked the winners.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER

From Paul

“Now that Lindsay Lohan’s father is out of jail, the only asshole he has to worry about is his daughter.”


RUNNER-UP

From Tracey

“Now that Lindsay Lohan’s father is out of jail, there is a vacancy with her name all over it!”

Congratulations to Paul and Tracey!!

Blades of Glory opens March 30.

Fashion Victim of the Week

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Mary Mary quite contrary what have you done with your hair. When you are fierce like Mary J you really shouldn’t be pulling off the same look as a little schoolboy. The hair is bad enough but coupled with the jacket and the shoes this look is a mess. Tweed jackets are only for young Harvard men and those chic Upper East housewives. This doesn’t work at all. When in doubt go glam, not mam.

A Letter to Posh

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I thank the Beet quite often for introducing me to The Gilded Moose. It is one of the funniest, smartest, snarky sites out there and today they published quite an amusing letter to Miss Posh Spice who recently moved into Meg Ryan’s old digs in Bel Air.

Dear Posh Spice,

Welcome to Los Angeles. We are so excited to have you here! Also, congratulations of purchasing your new home in Bel Air, the one you bought (allegedly) from Meg Ryan for 20 million dollars. I bet for that much you get a full kitchen with a built in dishwasher (just think, no more dish-hands, Posh!)

But one part of this whole thing is troubling to us: WHERE WILL MEG RYAN LIVE NOW????!!! Is she just supposed to live in her car. Her car doesn’t even have a roof anymore after Puente ripped it off when he was on meth. Maybe she can stay with friends for a few months, but that gets old after a while. And Billy Crystal’s couch is not very comfortable AT ALL. Everyone knows that.

Look, all I’m saying is think about the people you’re displacing when you move into an area like Bel Air and start to gentrify it, okay. Meg Ryan has feelings too.

The Gilded Moose

When the Brits move in its all over…Where will fallen A-listers go now? Burbank? Glendale?

Regis is Ok!

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I love Regis and Kelly. I was very sad to hear that 75 year-old Regis, who is quite healthy for his age, was having heart bypass surgery. Kelly announced yesterday that Regis is doing well and already joking around with the nurses.

Regis has been on TV for 40 years which is amazing. When Regis was going off to the hospital, Kelly oftered to sponge bathe Regis which is a wee bit creepy. Here is the on-air banter with Kelly and guest-host Damien Fahey that sort of conjured up some disturbing images.

Kelly: I’m thrilled you’re feeling better…nursie-poo is coming with her sponge!

Damien: It would be nice to bathe him on-air, you know what I mean? We replace the desk with a tub, we run some warm water.

Kelly: That’s the pay-per-view special.

Watching 75 year-old man get sponge bathed on live TV…creepy guys. I love myself some Regis…but clothed not naked Regis.