1Justin’s Bringing ScarlettBack

Ladies and gentlemen, Justin Timberlake is dating. Yes, that’s right, he’s dating. There is more than one woman in whom he is interested, and so he is spending time romantically with both of them. You’d think the media would be familiar with this concept, as they all watch Grey’s Anatomy, and Meredith laid the concept out pretty clearly a couple months back, but everyone still seems shocked. It’s not a committed relationship … but it’s not cheating … how do we frame this?

After frollicking around Sundance with Jessica Biel, JT was back in the arms of Scarlett Johansson in Miami. The two were spotted at a Super Bowl afterparty, where, according to witnesses, “they were talking, dancing, holding hands all night – it was very cozy. Then, as they left through the back, Justin was leaning against the wall and Scarlett came up, leaned into him and did a sexy, little dance, grinding into his body.”

I am really, really happy about this, mostly because Jessica Biel is certain to be really, really unhappy about this. I take great pleasure in the little things.

February 6, 2007 at 12:54 pm by Evil Beet

0Fatty, Fatty 2×4

Well, Beet has wisely decided to go after big people in a major way this morning so I’m going to join the fray with this news: Anna Nicole and TrimSpa are being sued in a very classy manner. That was my pun for “class action”. Yeah, well, I hate me too. Anyhow the news is:

Anna Nicole Smith and TrimSpa Inc. have been sued in a class-action lawsuit alleging their marketing of a weight-loss pill is false or misleading.

Really? I have zero sympathy for you people. Isn’t taking diet pill advice from Anna Nicole like taking “How to get shot lessons” from Tupac? Clearly you’d want 50 Cent.

My point is Anna is a very big and cuckoo imbecile. Those who follow her advice deserve only ridicule and a discount on their next full frontal lobotomy.

February 6, 2007 at 12:19 pm by Spiteful Lars

18Janice Dickinson Rocks

The former ANTM judge and owner of the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency weighs in on the “skinny model” debate:

“I’m dying to find kids who are too thin. I’ve got 42 models in my agency and I’m trying to get them to lose weight. In fact, I wish they’d come down with some anorexia.” When you laugh at such politically incorrect statements, Dickinson yells back, “I’m not kidding. I’m running into a bunch of fat-assed, lazy little bitches who don’t know how to do the stairs or get their butts into the gym … Models are supposed to be thin. They’re not supposed to eat. In fact, I’m not going to eat for the rest of the day because we had this conversation.”

As awful as it is, I often agree with Janice, and I’m glad they still make folks like her. I know, I know. I’m a horrible person, and I’ve come to terms with that, but has anyone else noticed that bigger models just don’t carry the clothes as well as the ultra-skinny ones? And I’m not talking plus-size models, I’m talking girls with, like, a BMI of 20. It just doesn’t look as hot as some BMI 17 chick waltzing down the catwalk. There’s a reason models are ridiculously thin! It looks glamorous and unattainable and otherworldly! It makes you want to buy the clothes! I don’t think ultra-thin is very sexy off the catwalk, but anyone who thinks an average normal-weight girl is going to sell a dress as well as a super-skinny girl is just fucking wrong. Sorry.

In closing, here’s a very funny sign someone posted in front of CBS Studios (where Tyra Banks films her talk show). Let the hate mail roll in. Because if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that if anyone has more rabid fans than Justin Guarini, it’s Tyra.

February 6, 2007 at 11:59 am by Evil Beet

5Hayden Is Still Adorable

My main illegal squeeze is catching some flack for this video. It’s for a DVD she did for Disney entitled Cinderella III: A Twist in Time. Some reasons you should still love her:

1. This had to have been pre Heroes and any actor would be a fool to turn down Disney cash.

2. She’s 17. Give me a break. What can we expect from a girl who still hasn’t gone to prom?

3. Even though this song is not something I would listen to, it’s Disney through and through, making her effective. And she’s still cute as a button. So enjoy.

(Note: They put an ad before the video, mine was the Goo Goo Dolls appearing on QVC which is VERY sad. Anyway, just do something else during the video. I suggest work. Then tune back in.)

(Note2: Aol seems to be failing at allowing me to embed this video because AOL sucks. Also it doesn’t work in Firefox. So the link is the only way to go at this point.)

Hayden Sings for Disney.

February 6, 2007 at 8:42 am by Spiteful Lars

8Crappy Movies Change the World

I am stunned by this quote out of Jess Simpson:

She made that decision (divorce), she says, after watching the 2004 romance The Notebook on a plane ride home to Texas. “I just figured out the statement,” she says of the movie, starring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams as star-crossed lovers. “It was about that moment of desperation. I needed to breathe.”

She figured out the statement? The Goddamn movie isn’t exactly secretive. Figuring it out is like figuring out the statement to Snakes on a Plane. Guess what? There’s fucking snakes.

I really hated The Notebook but I know there are women out there who love it. So I’ll just say this; how many times have you made a decision based on a movie? Also, now that I really bore down into her quote, the movie isn’t about “that moment of deperation.” It’s about finding and holding on to your true love and other such hackneyed cliches. I don’t think it has much to do with divorce at all. Could she mean she realized she didn’t have what Gosling and McAdams had? Okay, maybe, if you attribute logical thought to Jess. But she also should have figured out that someone wrote their dialogue and they only had to get along for around 40 minutes on screen.

I feel like she should have to wear a shirt that says “I am Stupid.” And it would point to her.

February 6, 2007 at 8:22 am by Spiteful Lars

3Tuesday Music for Me

I found Monday’s song to be highly alarming. I want to bring us back to good with the Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs. I guess mostly I don’t want to hurt anymore.

February 6, 2007 at 8:12 am by Spiteful Lars