Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Honestly I Would Run Over People Too

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Keanu Reeves newsflash!

RANCHO PALOS VERDES, Calif. (AP) — Keanu Reeves was behind the wheel of a Porsche that allegedly grazed a celebrity photographer standing in the path of the sports car, investigators said Tuesday.

What celeb photographer was taking a photo of Keanu? Was he lost? Doesn’t he take the “celebrity part” of his job seriously? What would a photo of Reeves fetch these days?

Do you think Keanu screamed “I’m NOT A GODDAMN CELEB ANYMORE!” before hauling ass off into the night?

The photographer fell to the ground and paramedics were called after Reeves’ car allegedly struck the man at 7:30 p.m. Monday, said Deputy Ed Hernandez of the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department.

“He grazed a paparazzi standing in front of his Porsche and the man fell to the ground,” Hernandez said.

You know that guy took a dive. C’mon. He fell down like a house of cards and started thinking lawsuit city. He’s already covering 8th rung stars and making minimum wage. We can safely say this guy isn’t a world beater.

The photographer, whose name wasn’t released, was taken to a local hospital for treatment of unknown injuries, Hernandez said.

Unknown equaling non-existent. Here is the kicker. Ready for it? You sure? Ok, enjoy.

He (Reeves) also plays in the band Dogstar.

This was listed as one of the things Reeves has done. Yep, snap them photos up boys! The public demands no less!

MTV Will Soon Be That Crazy Homeless Guy

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This is some sad ass news.

But the article is super fun so let’s probe (with our prober).

MTV’s Total Request Live is no longer totally live…. Two weeks ago, MTV began taping Total Request Live two days a week in an effort to save money.

Total Request Taped? No, the show’s title won’t be adjusted for the less-than-live days, spokeswoman Marnie Black said Tuesday.

TRL needs to save money. Presumably for soup.

I also need to salute the writer of this article, David Bauder for his hip use of slang. Check it out:

(TRL is where) Artists go to “drop” new music, movie stars to tout new films and celebrities just to stay celebrities

See how he did that? He made it approachable for the cool hipsters reading his “shizz.” He even quoted that monster “drop” so that you knew he was down with the slang.

This comes after the announced layoffs last month and it all adds up to one thing: Sucking killed the MTV star.

Who is Bernie Mac?

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NEW YORK (AP) — Bernie Mac says he plans to bring down the curtain on his standup comedy act after 30 years.

This is a very sad day. All of those who never laughed at his comedy, never saw his movies, and never really had a strong notion of who he was or what he was about will all miss him very much.

I hope he gets back in the game soon! 49 is too young to retire, just ask Jay-Z.

Oh wait, he was good in Ocean’s 11! You know, the one with the other ten guys not named Bernie Mac.

Today in Cute

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My computer just bit the big one so the T is out of order till tomorrow. In meantime, enjoy Knut the polar bear.

Who names a polar bear cub Knut? Oh ya, the Germans.

For more about this cute little creature check out Dlisted.

The Miss USA Pageant Still Blows

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I love how the Miss USA people are acting like they are so brave standing by the drug addict chick. Guys, do you think we don’t know that she’s the only press you’ve gotten in years?

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) — …Organizers say will spotlight how reigning titleholder Tara Conner nearly lost her crown and ended up in rehab.

“Certainly, our reigning Miss USA is going to be on television and we’re certainly not going to shy away from referring to what happened,” executive producer Phil Gurin told The Associated Press on Monday. “Why shy away from what’s part of our family? We embrace our family.”

Translation: “She’s now our “family” because every news outlet in the world mentioned the fact that the Miss USA pageant still exists. Hell, we might ask the next Miss USA to participate in a gang bang as part of her contract.”

Is Hermione Quitting?

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Rumor has it that Emma Watson is considering not returning for the last two “Harry Potter” movies. Emma, who is now 16, will be 20 by the time that the “Harry Potter” series is over.

The studio is denying that she is considering not joining her fellow castmates to finish out the series. She is a very pretty girl and I’m sure she will have a future in the movies but it wouldn’t be a good idea to piss off all of the tried and true “Harry Potter” fans.

Guessing they will throw a lot of money towards her way to continue. I hope she doesn’t go all Daniel Radcliffe on us and get naked. Actually that would fulfill the dreams of many a young dorky boy…and perhaps some confused girls.

Late-Night Links

I’m headed out of town for the next few days, so posting from me will be at a minimum. I plan to still do links, though, and Lars and T will be around to keep you laughing. And, never fear, you’ll still get an AmIdol recap from us — Lars is an old hand at this sort of thing. Now on to the links…

Stupid gloves are all the rage. [Bree @ Buzznet]

Vanessa Williams gets her star on the Walk of Fame. [popbytes]

I thought strippers were for bachelorette parties, not baby showers, but you try telling that to Spice Girl Mel B. [Cele|bitchy]

I hate that Minnie Driver looks good in a bikini. I wanted her to stay fat forever. I’m mean like that. [Drunken Stepfather]

Eva Longoria looks hot shilling for Bebe. [POTP]

Someone finally noticed the gaping hole in the search-engines-featuring-Kevin-Federline market. [Mollygood]

Joan Rivers, I worship you. [Glitterati]

And you thought Salma Hayek’s breasts were large before she was pregnant. [DListed]

Mandy Moore soothes her post-DJ AM nerves with a Vanity Fair photo spread. [Egostastic]