Today's Evil Beet Gossip

New Background

The new background is Good Golly Miss Dolly, the 9-month-old miniature piebald Dachshund belonging to Beet reader Crissy. Thank you to all of you who have sent in background images — keep ‘em coming!! We’ll try to get through everyone’s. And to those of you who don’t like the new background style, please feel free to send in the images YOU want to see in the background.

Sharon Stone vs. Geena Davis

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Wow, Sharon Stone looks way, way better than normal. And Geena Davis? What happened? Her body looks fine, but her face looks like it’s been stuffed. I hate to say this, but it’s Sharon by a landslide. They’re about the same age, too: Geena is 51 and Sharon is 49. What a difference 2 years makes, I guess…

At the Billies in Beverly Hills yesterday.

DUDE JOE FRANCIS IS SO FUCKED

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That sonofabitch smuggled drugs into prison. GENIUS. And he got caught because he tried to bribe a guard for a bottle of water. EVEN BETTER! Jail is scary, isn’t it, Joe?

Francis allegedly tried to bribe a correctional officer with $100 last night for a bottle of water. This sparked an internal search of his jail cell which reportedly turned up $700 in cash, all in $100 bills, some pills thought to be controlled substances. Its not yet known how he obtained the cash and drugs in the jail. He has not been formally charged at this point, but the investigation is continuing.

I wonder how he smuggled all that stuff into jail in the first place. I hope he put it up his butt, or ate it before he went to jail and had to retrieve it from his own feces. I truly hope that’s what happened. And then the guard was all like, “I don’t want your poop money, dude. Get it away from me,” and the rest is history.

I’m not sure whether this is related, but Francis has waived his right to a detention hearing, so he’s staying in prison until April 23 at the earliest.

An American Idol Sex Tape

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Sigh. I hate that I’m writing this story. I put it off for awhile, hoping this story would just flicker out and die, and yet it persists, and so I would be remiss in my duties if I didn’t bring it to you. Someone who was once on American Idol has a raunchy sex tape. Who, you ask? Kellie Pickler, maybe? Nikki McKibbin? Clay Aiken? Maybe even Jim Verraros? Ooh, or Jim Verraros with Clay Aiken?? No, no. It’s no one you’ve heard of, silly. It’s some chick named Olivia Mojica, but honestly her name might as well be Pornstar McBangy for all you care. You don’t remember her. She was somewhere in the Top 24 of season two and I have absolutely no idea how this became a story. It turns out that the American public likes sex tapes.

The tape’s being released by Vivid, the geniuses behind Kim Kardashian’s sex tape. They claim they got the tape from a third party, and it turns out that, if you carefully rearrange the letters in “third party,” they actually spell “Olivia Mojica.” It’s apparently quite raunchy, and TMZ has the stills if you’re into that sort of thing. As more of the footage gets leaked, I’ll of course be linking you to it in my daily link round-up, because I’m reliable like that. If I get to it a little late, it’s just because I’m too busy shopping my sex tape, Feel the Beet. The website should go live early next week. Someone tell TMZ.

Joe Francis is Going to Jail Some More, Tra La La La …

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Hey, it’s how they finally got Al Capone, so here’s hoping that the tax evasion charges Joe Francis was hit with on Wednesday keep him behind bars for awhile. The Girls Gone Wild “porntrepreneur” is already doing a quick stint in a Florida jail for criminal contempt of court, but these charges could keep him in the slammer for up to ten years.

The indictment was issued by a federal grand jury in Reno, Nevada, and accuses Francis of deducting more than $20 million in false buisness expenses on his 2002 and 2003 corporate income tax returns, stashing revenue in offshore bank accounts and doing a bunch of other stuff that you’re really not supposed to do on your taxes (which are due in THREE DAYS, people, so get to it!).

A hearing is scheduled for May 22 in Reno. If he’s convicted, Francis could do up to ten years in prison and be forced to pay fines of up to $500,000.

And, although it’s appropo of nothing in this context, I’m loathe to write an article about Joe Francis without reminding everyone that he’s a dirty awful rapist who I truly hope gets a taste of his own medicine in the slammer.

Just Gotta Ask

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What are the chances Haley poses for Playboy within the next year? I say one billion percent. And honestly, given the choice between 500k for some nudey shots and then fading into obscurity or just fading into obscurity (without any K at all) I’d take the loot.

Basically, I’m not mad at you Haley. Do your thing. Peel the short shorts.