Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Have We Solved the Mystery of Anna Nicole’s Death?

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Who needs a medical examiner when you have Star magazine? While the Broward County coroner is scheduled to make an announcement with the cause of Anna Nicole’s death on Monday morning, Star and National Enquirer (in a “joint newsgathering operation,” because they’re both owned by AMI and Star couldn’t find a celeb scoop with two hands and flashlight) are claiming to have already solved the mystery: Anna died of an overdose of chloral hydrate, a sleeping medication, which she was probably taking in very high doses because she was suffering from a blood infection, which would have eventually killed her not long after the sleeping pills did.

That good enough for ya? Honestly, that’s pretty damn good. So we’ll back up a little and give you some choice quotes from Star’s article.

[J]ust before she left the Bahamas for Florida on February 5 … Anna Nicole received an injection in her left buttock. Tests did not reveal what that substance was. “As she boarded the plane for Miami, Anna Nicole developed a painful abscess at the site of the injection,” said a source with knowledge of the case. “The needle wasn’t sterile. The pain kept getting worse as the abscess got larger and larger very quickly.”

Anna Nicole, unaware that her blood was being poisoned by infection, had also developed a second infection from a virulent form of norovirus, which causes intestinal problems.

Anna Nicole — and her entourage — made a fatal mistake. She refused to go to a hospital, a decision that would have saved her life. Instead, Anna’s people gave her an ice bath to control the fever, administered the antibiotic ciprofloxacin by mouth and gave her an over-the-counter flu medicine. As the needle-caused infection took over her body, she began vomiting, had severe diarrhea and could not urinate.

Anna just wanted some respite from the pain, so she took way too much chloral hydrate (this is the same stuff you see in suspense movies when the bad guy puts a cloth over the victim’s mouth and they pass out — that’s how intense this stuff is). She fell asleep, and never woke up.

Is it true? I’m going with yes. First off, it’s a fairly complex story to have been invented. I mean, a septic abscess? You can’t make that up. You just wouldn’t. There’s nothing glamorous about it. It’s a fantastically plebian way to die. Perhaps most importantly, AMI is so confident they’re right that they pinned both Star and National Enquirer‘s name on it. When these mags are not sure, they hedge their bets and have their titles run different stories. So my guess is we’ll hear a very similar story from the mouth of the Broward County coroner on Monday morning, but only time will tell.

Dancing With The Stars

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So I understand that this show premiered Monday but I am a little slow on the uptake this week with my reality TV…thank my lucky stars for TiVo…sweet TiVo.

“Dancing with the Stars” is back for its 4th Season! Dancers won’t be leaving us until next week so really this first week we are just getting to know how bad these d-listers really are at the Cha Cha. We get to meet the professional dancers first and they are hot as always…lots of babes and Russian hotties. The production number with the real dancers is always my favorite part of the show because they are always so good.

Ian Ziering/Cheryl Burke Ian is lucky to have Cheryl as his partner as she is a two-time champion of DWTS. She is a sick dancer and really does make her partners look good. Ian is really hot. I am a huge 90210 fan and it is awesome to see that is has aged quite well. He and Cheryl make a great couple and he is pretty good with his energy and footwork. The judges want a big more sex from Ian but are pretty impressed.
Score: 21
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Fashion Victim of the Week

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Paula Paula Paula you are such a mess my darling. It looks like your ruffles are strangling you. Something about these shorty pants is very wrong. Oh wait…EVERYTHING about shorty pants is wrong. I hate when rich people spend thousands of dollars and end up looking like they got dressed while intoxicated.

Misha Barton Wears Keds

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Mischa dropped by LA Fashion week to help launch the new line of Keds, designed by Nanette Lepore. I’ve also included pics of the shoes, which I think are supposed to be, like, Keds gone hip, but, honestly, they still look like Keds to me. You can’t just splash mysterious cursive handwriting on anything and call it couture. In even stranger news, I like Mischa’s top here. I know. I don’t understand, either.

Look, I’m not this girl’s #1 fan, but for everyone who seems to think she can’t get work lately (ahem … Perez), she’s got four movies coming out in 2007. I think she’s made her peace with losing the Bebe campaign.

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Mel Gibson Doesn’t Have a Problem

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Mel Gibson was speaking to a film class at CSU Northridge last night when he reminded us all what a total prick he is. After the presentation, the crowd asked questions. An associate professor of Central American studies asked Gibson if he had read about the Mayan culture before shooting Apocalypto, and Gibson told her he had. The woman insisted that many of the film’s representations of the Mayans — like their participation in sacrifical ceremonies and the violent tendencies — were incorrect and racist. Gibson’s response: “Lady, fuck off.” Further, when emotional audience members of Mayan descent complained about how the film portrayed their culture, they were escorted out of the room, and Gibson screamed at them to “Make your own movie!”

Gibson’s publicist’s best excuse? “This person was a heckler who was rude and disrupted the event, so much so that the event organizers had to escort her out.” Which is totally, totally reasonable. First off, this woman really sounds like a “heckler.” “Boooo … you suck!!!!” Yeah, that’s exactly what she was all about. And, I mean, people who speak at universities are almost never challenged. Universities are, if nothing else, designed to be bastions of intellectual conformity — ideas and the presentation of ideas are never to be challenged in academic settings, and it’s quite typical for university speakers to cuss out those who dispute their work, rather than engage in a point-by-point discussion of the issue at hand. Hey, it’s pretty much exactly how Ann Coulter rose to the position of respect she holds among our nation’s great thinkers. Completely reasonable, Mel. We all would have done the same.