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24Rob Lowe Can Expose Himself to Me Anytime

Lowe’s 24-year-old former nanny, Jessica Gibson, is accusing Rob Lowe of sexually harrassing her in an exciting variety of ways.

She also says Lowe’s wife, Sheryl, would walk around the house naked, make crude comments, and discuss she and Lowe’s sex life with the nanny.

Her attorney is Gloria Allred, of course.

One of Gibson’s claims is that Lowe “placed his hand inside Gibson’s pants” several times.

Okay, if this is what’s involved with being a nanny for Rob Lowe, bring it on. I’m so in.

April 15, 2008 at 6:06 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Robe Lowe

45The Marilyn Monroe Sex Tape?

Marilyn Monroe in White Bathing Suit, Pictures, Photos

I swear to you, if they had video cameras in the caveman era, we’d have footage of caveman celebrities giving blow jobs. Did they have celebrities in the caveman era? I bet they did, but they were probably, like, warrior heroes or something. I bet they’d've made videos of their warrior heroes clubbing women and dragging them off to have sex. And trying to shove, like, warrior wine canisters up their vaginas. You think kinkiness is a modern world thing? I bet not. I bet some of those ancient caveman “artifacts” they have in museums were up a vagina at some point in time. Why do I think like this? I’m so weird.

Anyway.

The New York Post is reporting that there may be a Marilyn Monroe sex tape in circulation. It shows Marilyn performing oral sex on a man whose face is outside the camera frame.

I guess the original was confiscated by the FBI (Seriously? The FBI can confiscate sex tapes? Could they just, like, confiscate Paris Hilton? And redact most parts of her? Please?), but an illegal copy was made years ago, and recently sold on the black market for $1.5 million. The buyer is an unidentified man known only as a “wealthy New York businessman.”

Oh, you know this is Donald Trump.

Says the man who brokered the deal: “He said he’s just going to lock it up. He said, ‘I’m not going to make a Paris Hilton out of her. I’m not going to sell it, out of respect.’”

This is such bullshit. You know what this is? This is the best way to get new clients in the history of wealthy New York businessmen. You know this dude’s all cold-calling people and being like, “Hey, sign this deal with me, and I’ll have you over for a screening of the Marilyn Blow Job tape.”

It’s soooo Donald Trump.

Side note: I LOVE this picture of Marilyn. You know why? Because she looks like she weighs about what I weigh. And she was STILL a sex symbol. Love it!

April 14, 2008 at 11:36 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Marilyn Monroe

16Jennifer Lopez Is Pissing Me Off

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Pictures, Photos

Here’s Jennifer looking svelte and young and happy, less than two months after giving birth to twins.

Jen has reportedly lost 40 pounds in those two months.

God, I can’t even seem to lose five pounds. Maybe if I stopped eating Burger King and cookie dough all day. And exercised. But OMG! The bed in the furnished apartment I am renting is KILLING me. It seemed okay at first, but, after three nights of sleeping on it, I honestly cannot stand up straight. It’s AWFUL on my back. I, like, waddle around the house. And my stuff is all over, I haven’t even fully unpacked yet, but I can’t even deal with it because it hurts too much to bend over. So exercise is clearly out of the question. And I can’t possibly cook when it hurts so much to stand up. I have to get drive-thru. So then it’s not my fault that I can’t lose weight. It’s the fault of whomever furnished Chez Eggplant. So I’ll just stay fat and lazy, and blame it on other people.

Ha ha, one of my guy friends wore a shirt this weekend that said “I Have the Body of a God” and it had a picture of Buddha on it. I laughed forever.

What was this article supposed to be about?

Oh, yeah. Jennifer. She looks good. And I’m not going to go as far as to say Marc looks good, too — I would never, ever say that about a man wearing a kerchief around his neck, just as a matter of principle — but he does look better than usual. Like I have an agreement with my employer that whenever I run a photo of something that might be offensive, I have to run it after the jump, and not on the main page. And normally whenever there’s a photo of Marc Anthony I think, “You know, I should run this after the jump,” but, today, Marc Anthony looks human enough that he gets to be on the main page. Congrats, Marc!

[Image via Splash]

April 14, 2008 at 11:19 pm by Evil Beet

5Ivana’s Wedding: The Photos

Ivana Trump Wedding Pictures, Photos

I’ve only been able to get my hands on one photo from the actual wedding (shown above), but Robin Leach, of all people, was permitted to take some photos of the pre-wedding celebration. Those are below.

Bridgitte Neilsen Ivana Trump Wedding Pictures, Photos Ivanka and Grandmother, Ivana Trump Wedding Pictures, Photos Ivana Trump Wedding Pictures, Photos

April 14, 2008 at 11:00 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Ivana Trump

9BFF Alert!

Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow Leaving a London Gym, Pictures, Photos

Our two favorite British wannabes, Gwyneth Paltow and Madonna, leave a London gym together.

I can just imagine their chats on the stairclimber:

Madge: Oh, dahhhling, London is just seeeew gaaaaaaaahgeous.

Gwyn: Yaaays. I simply adooooore this city in the springtime.

Madge: I recall my childhood here in London, skipping up and down the cobblestones and frolicking in the paaaaahk.

Gwyn: Weren’t you born in Detroit?

Madge: Lies. All lies.

Anyway. Check out Madge’s pants. They’re either drenched with sweat, pee or rain. Or a combination.

April 14, 2008 at 10:38 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Gwyneth Paltrow, Madonna

12Your Daily Paris

Paris Hilton and Benji Madden in London, Pictures, Photos

She’s in London this time.

Here she is leaving her hotel with Benji Madden.

I cannot believe they are continuing this charade. How is Paris not bored of this yet?

And her extensions are out again.

April 14, 2008 at 10:28 pm by Evil Beet