Today's Evil Beet Gossip

There’s a Pity Party in Steve Urkel’s Pants

Steve Urkel! What are you pointing at??I have a pointed, embarrassing fixation with Jaleel White. A lot of gals-of-a-certain-age might, I think, if only because Family Matters was the first time many-a-preteen tingled at the sight of a guy in too-tight highwater pants. Wait, what? OK, maybe that’s just me. (We’ll call it a neurological misfire.)

Jaleel White is 34 years old now. He’s never had the comeback Doogie had (although maybe Jaleel’s low profile is for the best). Still, he’s spoken before about the challenge of continuing to embody Steve Urkel — a sexually arrested, rodent-voiced geek — even as he entered his teens and his voice deepened.

Um, about that. Jaleel White recently spoke to Vanity Fair, and specifically about Steve Urkel’s crotch:

The fact is that I was maturing. I knew physically I had made certain sacrifices to keep that property alive that just couldn’t be made anymore. I wasn’t changing my hair; I was staying out of the gym. To be honest, I was retarding my own growth as a man in order to maintain the authenticity to what I thought that character should be.

…I was getting network notes on the bulge of my sack! I wore my pants so freaking tight and it was like, after awhile, we got a problem there. So, literally, the last season we loosened up his pants.

I… I’m actually really frustrated right now. I don’t even know what dick joke to make. I didn’t think I could even be this uncomfortable.

It’s like, now I understand why Jaleel White has never successfully staged that career comeback: he’s so synonymous with Urkel, I cannot emotionally distinguish his “sack bulge” from Steve Urkel’s sack bulge. Excuse me while I go die.

But wait! The interview isn’t over yet!

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I Really Hope This Song’s Not About Justin Bieber or I Might Barf

photo of selena gomez performing pregnant pictures photos pics

Whiplash full by mattkjor

But it’s probably not. Britney Spears co-wrote it, so it’s PROBABLY about Frappuccinos or something.

This is Selena Gomez‘s latest leaked single, Whiplash, and the current Queen of Pop (Demi-Princess of Pop? Dethroned Poppet?) Britney Spears herself helped out with everything, as you can probably hear throughout the song. It’s heavily influenced by Britney’s bumping beats and breathy huffing and puffing, and it actually wouldn’t be too bad if it weren’t for the fact that it’s not Britney singing it.

Selena Gomez is a sweet little girl and all, but there’s only one Britney, jeez. Rip someone like Madonna off, why don’t you girl.

What do you guys think?

Pink and Her New Family is Adorable

photo of pink and her baby new baby carey hart pictures photos

Look, it’s Pink and Carey Hart and their positively adorable new baby (sort of pictured, but not, really) getting some caffeinated treats at a local coffee place.

Pink is looking fabulous – and normal, if you’ve ever seen anyone aside from Gisele Bundchen pregnant – post-pregnancy, and it’s apparent that she’s breastfeeding, ’cause THOSE SUCKERS ARE HUGE.

Congratulations to the new family – I can’t wait to see pictures of this little doll!