Today's Evil Beet Gossip

E! Networks Has Super Smart People Working for Them

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Today I got a lovely letter from a staffer over at E! Networks with regards to the Simple Life promo shots I posted earlier in the week. I don’t mind these types of letters. I get them often, from all sorts of people, and I pull the images in question, because, you know, it’s definitely not worth going to court. I was particularly impressed by E! Networks, though. They sent a very important-looking PDF with my real name and real address and a very scary letter authored by their “Intellectual Property Administrator” and with a real-life lawyer cc’d. Here’s what cracks me up: there were several grammatical errors in this letter. In fact, this ultra-intimidating genius actually used “you’re” when he meant “your.” Jesus, buddy, Paris Hilton knows the difference. Honestly, E!, have your people proofread their shit before they send it out across the blogosphere. I’ve attached the file here with my mark-ups. Click to behold the stunning intellectual capacity of an E! staffer.

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Abercrombie=Class

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I used to love Abercrombie when I was in high school and I’m sure you did too. To be perfectly honest the day I couldn’t fit into my Abercrombie denim shorts was a sad day for me.

In addition to their naked catalogs, Abercrombie also has a long history of really classy t-shirt designs. This above is one of my favorites.

I feel as though some Kappa Sigma Beta boys are really excited to put this on before their big keggers. I bet some drunk girl has actually come up to a cute frat boy that one day will be a fat ex-cute frat boy and said, “I’m a great one night stand…hehehhe.”

I would pay really good money to see Sanjaya wear this on “American Idol.” He’s gotta piss somebody off soon or else we are stuck with him for a long time. Do you remember Nikki McKibbin…that mess came in third.

So the U.S. Postal Service Kind of Sold Out

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I go to usps.gov change my mailing address today, and this is what I’m greeted with. I thought for a minute I was on the wrong site. I guess no one sends real letters anymore, so the United States Postal Service is, like, shilling for Star Wars. I mean, I guess it’s not like I see the USPS as the last bastion of true undiluted mail or anything, but something about this doesn’t seem right to me. Thoughts?

Okay, This is Cool Marketing

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The Simpsons movie is going to join up with 7-11 to turn the stores into Kwik-E-Marts!

How cool is that? Look here:

If all goes as planned, the convenience store chain plans to refit 11 stores across the U.S. to resemble the front of the Kwik-E-Mart, the convenience store that Homer and other characters frequent in the classic cartoon TV series.

Why aren’t they doing all of them? Forever? Like you wouldn’t stop at a Kwik-E-Mart everyday. Don’t lie. You would. Even better:

Customers also will be able to buy products inspired by the nearly two-decades-old show, including KrustyO’s cereal, Buzz Cola and iced Squishees (the cup says Squishee, but the contents will be Slurpee).

Yay! I want a Buzz Cola! Actually I want a Duff Beer too. And some Laramie Cigarettes. I wasn’t holding out much hope for this movie but my anticipation is now building. Who would have thought there was something new under the advertising sun? Nice work fellas.

Full article, not as fun as this one, here.