Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Links Links Links

Hello my lovelies.

Just a heads-up that posting will be slow tomorrow, because I am graduating!!! The incomparable Evil T is trekking from NYC to LA to celebrate with me (I LOVE YOU T!!!) so we’ll be down two bloggers. Lars will still be around, so if he finds it in his heart to post, feel free to heckle. And there’s always the distant possibility that my drunken out-of-town friends will gain access to my computer late at night, at which point I don’t know what you should expect. Poor spelling, at the very least. And possibly photos of their nipples. They all keep bugging me to make them famous, you know …

Wow, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen Calista Flockhart pics. Here she is at her son’s baseball game. [A Socialite's Life]

NBA wunderkind LeBron James is a daddy! [Bossip]

Angelina Jolie’s all like, “Look, I’d like to keep my private life private” and the media’s all like, “WE HAVE RIGHTS, BITCH!” [Cele|bitchy]

Amy Winehouse beats up her husband when she’s drunk. [Warship]

Kelly Clarkson has canceled her summer tour because the album sucks, her label hates her and she fired her manager. [POTP]

Kathy Hilton takes some time out her busy schedule of visiting her daughter in jail to watch Barbara Walters get her star on the Boulevard. [popbytes]

It seems the world is still under the impression that Nicole Richie’s internal organs are capable of sustaining a pregnancy. [Mollygood]

THE OLSEN TWINS ARE 21!!!!! Holy shit, now they’re going to start drinking and doing drugs and going out to clubs and getting into fights with Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and … oh, wait. [IBBB]

Apparently Meg Ryan acquired a baby recently. [Celebslam]

Britney Spears Needs Help

Britney Spears Wants Fans to Help Name Her Album

Well, we already knew that.

But now she’s asking for a different kind of help. Apparently Miss Spears once again managed to gain access to her website, BritneySpears.com, and left a little post asking fans to help her name her new album. Here are her suggestions:

1. Omg is Like Lindsay Lohan Like Okay Like
2. What if the Joke is on You
3. Down boy
4. Integrity
5. Dignity

Britney, why don’t you leave poking fun at Lindsay Lohan to the pros, okay? And I assure you the joke is not on me, as I made quite a pretty penny late last year when my website was the #1 Google hit for “Britney Spears crotch shot,” which led interested parties to pictures of your vagina. On the other hand, if one were to do a Google search for “Evil Beet crotch shot,” one is, once again, greeted by photos of your vagina (and Lindsay Lohan’s). So, yeah, what if the joke’s not so much on me?

It’s a damn shame there not a write-in option.

Worst.Boob Job.Ever

heidi-montag-bikini-grey.jpg

I’m sorry but seriously Heidi Montag…those boobs are a bit too much. I am all for the boob job. There are many celebrities that go out, get themselves some natural looking fakes and really it doesn’t hotten them up a bit. Heidi, in true reality-vixen fashion, has gotten herself boobs that are wayyyy to big for her little frame.

She is very into having her new boobs photographed quite a lot. I don’t know who cares enough to show up on a beach and take her picture but it keeps happening over and over again. I really can’t wait for her “album” to come out. I bet she is a REALLY good singer.

For more pictures of her big plastic boobies click [here]

Alba Wants to Hit it and Quit it!

albalovesthesexybusiness.jpg

There are times when it’s good to be a man living in the 21st century. This is one of those times as it was just announced that:

    Alba wants no-strings sex

Now look here. Jess Alba can’t act her way out of a paper bag. I’m sure she’s nice enough and would probably be really pleasant to your pops as he leered at her all the way through dinner. But let’s face the cold hard facts – you marry Alba for one thing. To carry her hotness to future generations, and that’s it. She’s not going to win you a Pulitzer. She’s not go to build a better rocket ship. She’s not going to evoke tears as the Oscar audience gasps in delight at her acceptance speech. Which is why today’s news is all the more wonderful, you can now leave the duty of “dating, marriage, commitment, having to call back” to some other poor shmoe!

She told Cosmopolitan magazine: “I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex.

I agree with her here, and I would hope that women enjoy sex. It’s sort of a nice thing if the person you’re with isn’t thinking “man, this is so NOT enjoyable.”

“I could have a one-night stand, and I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more.”

No, Ms. Alba I do not have to be here. I’d be pleased to gather my belongings and hit the road. If I’m lucky I can call everyone I know before they’re asleep. Also, I have a specific “cuddling” girlfriend whom I don’t ever talk to or screw. We just hold each other. It’s quite nice actually, y’all should try that.

Check out some more! Read More

Rockin the D-List

JesseMetcalf

Jesse Metcalf just can’t get enough of Hollywood parties. Here he is with some random chick at another launch of something stupid that only swag hunters attend. It isn’t a good thing when you are the only real “famous” person at the party.

Looks like he really are sticking to that rehab thing too. You know the first thing you are not supposed to after you get out of rehab is…well…I don’t know…GO OUT TO PARTIES.

Quite the Resemblance

14307144spasulka614200715139pm.jpg

Here is lovely Emma Roberts and the premiere of “Nancy Drew.” Every year she looks more like Auntie Julia. Seriously…from what I’ve heard she is a lovely little actress as well. Let us just hope she stays very far away from girls named Lindsay, Paris, Nicole, ect…

Honestly if I was the parent of an up and coming young actress I would lock her up until she turned 21.

Paris Back in Real Jail

paris-hilton-drunk-driving-2.jpg

Paris has been transferred from the Twin Towers Medical Facility to Lynwood Correctional Facility where she was put in the first place.

She was transferred late last night and will serve out the rest of her sentence in her same cell. According to sources, Paris has been a bit less crazy now that that pesky case of ADD has been dealt with.

Sources tell TMZ that Hilton has been doing much better with the proper meds, and we’re told that there has been pressure on the Sheriff’s Department to move her back to the Lynwood jail when the medical facility was no longer necessary. We’re told that now Hilton has been deemed “medically stable.”

Paris won’t be back at Lynwood for too long according to friends of the celebutard. Evidently jail still doesn’t agree with her and she keeps getting severe panic attacks.

I wonder if any of the other prisoners don’t like prison?