Today's Evil Beet Gossip

When Stalking Isn’t Worth It

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Here’s some news. I love this AP article so I’m going to quote and rip as I see fit (just so we’re all on the same page here).

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. (AP) — A Maryland man accused of stalking Michelle Branch was arrested at her concert in Sheboygan this week after she spotted him in the crowd.

Sheboygan is where some shit goes DOWN man! Did you know the Johnsonville World Bratwurst Eating Championship is held there? It’s true, you can look it up. So don’t just stroll into Sheboygan and think you won’t get stalked Michelle. Think again sister.

“Michelle Branch said, ‘Wait a second. There’s a guy in the audience — striped shirt and glasses — can somebody check him out?’” said Cali Haas, 20, of Sheboygan, who was in the crowd. “It left everyone just so confused, like, ‘Is this a joke, part of the show?’”

Cali Haas knows how Michelle Branch shows go. Some wacky and wild things transpire. When Michelle says “Hey, is that my stalker?” sometimes it’s just an intro to that one song she sings called “I would walk a 1000 miles (way more than the 500 that other band would walk).” Sometimes jokes happen too (at a Michie Branch concerto). Like one time Michelle feigned a heart attack. That CRACKED up the audience. That reminds me, I need to go to ticketmaster and see if all of her shows have sold the full allotment of 700 tickets yet.

“He’s been to her last several shows, but it caught her completely off-guard that he was in Sheboygan,” said Lt. Jeff Johnston of the Sheboygan Police.

It caught me off-guard too. Really I would be stunned anyone went to Sheboygan for anything at all (besides bratwurst). This whole thing is kind of sad. Sad that a guy stalks at all, sad that he heads Wisconsin to do it.

Hey fella, just let Michelle play her county fairs in peace.

PS – I actually really like Branch. She plays the piano which is good. She’s cute too. I’m just a hateful person who occasionally lashes out at people I like. Watch out drug dealers!

Late-Night Links

Rose McGowan doesn’t want anyone else showing up at prom in the same color dress as hers. [SOW]

Eva Longoria’s man candy Tony Parker ventures from the NBA into the rap world. Check out his video. [Cele|bitchy]

If you can believe it, all is not well in the Lohan family. [Celebslam]

PETA launches its latest anti-fur campaign, starring Shirley Manson, Sophie Ellis Bextor and a bloody fox corpse. Mmm … makes me hungry. [popbytes]

I love Christina Ricci’s new Louis Vuitton ads, although I’m not completely clear on what I’m supposed to buy. [Allie]

Penelope Cruz and Josh Hartnett. If I live in a country for nearly seven years and fail to develop any mastery of the native language, do I get to date all the most attractive men there, too? Is that how it works? Because I might be able to pull it off in, like, Russia. [Gabsmash]

Fantasia Barrino is still making music videos. [Juicy-News]

Jessica Simpson visits an orphanage to make sure none of those poor kids get pimples. [Yeeeah!]

Perhaps the bomb threat at E!’s Wilshire offices damaged their staffers’ spelling abilities for the day. [Defamer]

E! Networks Has Super Smart People Working for Them

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Today I got a lovely letter from a staffer over at E! Networks with regards to the Simple Life promo shots I posted earlier in the week. I don’t mind these types of letters. I get them often, from all sorts of people, and I pull the images in question, because, you know, it’s definitely not worth going to court. I was particularly impressed by E! Networks, though. They sent a very important-looking PDF with my real name and real address and a very scary letter authored by their “Intellectual Property Administrator” and with a real-life lawyer cc’d. Here’s what cracks me up: there were several grammatical errors in this letter. In fact, this ultra-intimidating genius actually used “you’re” when he meant “your.” Jesus, buddy, Paris Hilton knows the difference. Honestly, E!, have your people proofread their shit before they send it out across the blogosphere. I’ve attached the file here with my mark-ups. Click to behold the stunning intellectual capacity of an E! staffer.

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Abercrombie=Class

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I used to love Abercrombie when I was in high school and I’m sure you did too. To be perfectly honest the day I couldn’t fit into my Abercrombie denim shorts was a sad day for me.

In addition to their naked catalogs, Abercrombie also has a long history of really classy t-shirt designs. This above is one of my favorites.

I feel as though some Kappa Sigma Beta boys are really excited to put this on before their big keggers. I bet some drunk girl has actually come up to a cute frat boy that one day will be a fat ex-cute frat boy and said, “I’m a great one night stand…hehehhe.”

I would pay really good money to see Sanjaya wear this on “American Idol.” He’s gotta piss somebody off soon or else we are stuck with him for a long time. Do you remember Nikki McKibbin…that mess came in third.