Today's Evil Beet Gossip

When People Complain about the System

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Ladies and gents, it’s fun with Hollywood quotes time! Where the people are just as stupid as everyone else, but their words are published all over the universe.

AP NEW YORK – Kate Beckinsale says what’s considered the ideal look in Hollywood is completely different than anywhere else in the world. “I don’t think you can aspire to it, nor can I,” she tells Glamour magazine in its May issue, on newsstands Tuesday.

Just a rumor, but I heard the chick interviewing her was like a deuce. Maybe a deuce and a half. That’s why she told the poor heifer she shouldn’t sweat it. Also, and follow closely on this logic, if you aspired to look a certain way, and then they made you look that way… well then you’d be fine right?

“Everybody is retouched, stretched, lengthened, slimmed and trimmed. I could look at a picture of myself from the past and think, `Why don’t I look like that now?’ It’s because I never have!”

Okay, but having your pictures retouched actually helped you. All those people out in “normal-people” land saw you and thought “Wowsers. She’s hot.” Then they went and saw Planet of the Apes and thought “Wow, she’s hot even as an ape!” In other news those people are freaks. Why do you find apes hot, freak? Huh?

“This is what’s sick about living in L.A. My 8-year-old daughter (Lily) will point to a woman and say, `Look! That woman’s had too much Botox.”

Dude, her eight year old sounds like a hoot. Count me in for babysitting the little pistol.

“When I was pregnant … I gained 65 pounds. Every single part of my body was thicker, even my scalp! But that’s the advantage of being young, it went right back.”

Nice. Nice. So ladies, a quick lesson for ya, if you gain a ton of weight you damn well better take it off if you’re under 35. That’s something to aspire to.

Oh Hollywood actresses, you confuse me when you use your words!

Charlotte Church Not Cute Pregnant

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So you know those girls that get pregnant and use it as an excuse to get fat? I have a feeling that Charlotte Church is one of them. Here she is on a beach in Thailand letting it all out. She only is four months pregnant so the pooch is a hold out from her boozing days.

I actually love Charlotte Church. When I lived in London for a bit I realized that she is the tabloid equivalent to Britney Spears/Paris Hilton out there. She stopped selling music a while ago but her TV show is a hit and her wild behavior has always been tabloid fodder.

I hope that her hot boyfriend doesn’t leave her in the dust when she has this baby. She has been very vocal about her love for Gavin Henson. He is a dreamboat and hopefully he will allow Char to eat for two in peace. Short girls just can’t do that lean long pregnant look.

You Should Actually See Grindhouse, Even If You’re a Girl

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On Friday night, all my girlfriends bailed on me, and I wound up hanging out with four super-hot guys. Great, right? No, not at all, because all they wanted to do was see Grindhouse, the new Robert Rodriguez/Quentin Tarantino three-hour-and-eleven-minutes exploitastic double-feature. “Can’t we see Blades of Glory,” I whined. “Or at least The Lookout?” But the boys were having none of it. Their minds were made up, and I could go along, or I could go home and spend a Friday night alone. Better at Grindhouse with hot guys than home alone, right? So I went.

Based on the previews and the hype, I’d pegged both the films as violent, gross-out, Rose McGowan-naked films, with very little to offer me (okay, Rose McGowan naked is hot, but still…). And all of that was pretty much true, but it turned out I really loved the movie. I think I liked it better than most of the guys. The first one is more futuristic/sci-fi/terror, all genres that I typically hate, but for some reason I really, really liked it. It was fun, funny, entertaining, intriguing and sexy in a sweet way, not sexy for the sex of it. And the second one actually ends up being a total girl power film. I swear! It’s a little slow getting started, and very literary (I kept thinking it seemed like it was based on a short story), but at the end it’s all adrenaline, and totally about female strength and empowerment (I won’t say much more because I don’t want to give anything away). Oh, and Fergie dies! (Sorry.) You can’t get much better than that, can you? And the chick who was Uma Thurman’s stunt double in the Kill Bill movies has a starring role in the second one. Pretty cool, eh?

So if your boyfriend is trying to drag you to this movie and you keep resisting, go ahead and let him win this one. It totally doesn’t suck.

Eh I Guess James Marsden is Pretty Hot

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It’s such a tragedy, because, in the face, he’s, like, absolutely perfect. A total dream guy. I couldn’t design a hotter face on a guy if I tried. But his body’s a little on the skinny side for my tastes. I guess the good news is that this is a very easy thing to remedy. Chug some protein shakes, James, then give me a call. Okay?

Click the thumbnails for high-res.

Update: I don’t know why, but these pics won’t open in IE. I’m really sorry about that. You can open them in Firefox. If anyone has any idea why this is the case, please email me and let me know.

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It Was Not Kim Kardashian’s Birthday This Weekend

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The Internet appears to be all abuzz tonight with news and pictures of Kim Kardashian’s Paris Hilton-free birthday party at TAO Las Vegas on Friday. For the record, it was not her birthday this weekend. Her birthday is in October. TAO’s marketing folks came up with this idea of a “Princess Party,” where they’re going to grab various socialites who “have it all” and throw parties for them because that just seems like an appropriate way to celebrate the fact that someone is ridiculously spoiled to begin with. (Although I suppose it’s still more hygienic than throwing a Sons of Hollywood premiere party, which is what TAO did on Saturday night.) Kim was the biggest damn star they could get for the first one, and they tacked on her sisters as co-hostesses, for reasons that continue to baffle me. To lower the star quality, perhaps? Just dilute it a little? So, anyway, that’s why Kim was at TAO this weekend. And I don’t know where Paris Hilton was on Friday night, but on Saturday night I saw her in the bathroom at Mood, staring at herself in the mirror and whining into her cell phone because they wouldn’t let her friends into the club.

Anyway, just for fun, here’s a bunch of pics of Kim at TAO this weekend.

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