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8Your Daily Britney

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So we’re not really covering all that shit about Britney possibly being pregnant around here, because it makes my head hurt to think about it, and all I can really do is just pray that it’s not true, especially because she’s still smoking up a storm.

Britney used a damn kitchen lighter to spark up her Parliament in her car last night.

Please, please don’t let her be pregnant. Although, if Britney has another kid right now, a little in-utero smoke exposure is probably going to be the least of that kid’s issues.

January 16, 2008 at 10:39 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Britney Spears

5I Guess Katherine Heigl Is Trying to Quit Smoking

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A fan handed her a box of Nicoderm CQ as she headed for her NYC hotel room last night.

And by “a fan” I mean “a PR rep for Nicoderm CQ.”

January 16, 2008 at 10:29 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Katherine Heigl

7I Should Have Been Nicer to Sarah Michelle Gellar

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I hadn’t yet seen the photos of Seth Green from this event.

Please, God, tell me this is for a role.

January 16, 2008 at 10:24 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Seth Green

60Why Do I Hate Sarah Michelle Gellar So Much?

Sarah Michelle Gellar at “The Air I Breathe” Premiere, Pictures, Photos

Sarah Michelle Gellar at “The Air I Breathe” Premiere, Pictures, Photos

I don’t know. I just don’t understand it.

She looks like she just left a middle-school slumber party where her friends braided her hair and everyone took shots of Kool-Aid and snorted Pixie Stix (did anyone else do that shit? Or were my friends and I just particularly fucked up?) and she forgot to take off her nightie and fix her hair before she showed up to the damn red carpet premiere. Because she was so fucked up on Pixie Stix.

I just don’t like her. Period.

At The Air I Breathe premiere.

January 16, 2008 at 10:22 am by Evil Beet

24Supermanning Dat Ho

So I was having dinner with some friends last night, and, I really don’t remember how, but somehow the topic of Supermanning a girl came up. We’re classy like that.

If you’ve heard that Soulja Boy song (interpreted in the video above by a very talented young woman), you’ve undoubtedly heard the lyrics “Superman dat ho.” I’d heard them 1000 times, never giving them a second thought, when my friends decided to give me a little lesson in disturbing sexual behaviors last night. Apparently I am a total prude.

When you “Superman dat ho,” it means you wait until she’s asleep (on her stomach, I suppose), you ejaculate on her back, and then pull the sheet over her. That way, when she awakens, she has a sheet stuck on her back, a la Superman. Isn’t that cute?

I just thought you’d like to know. Now you have something interesting to tell your coworkers today.

I was also told all about a Donkey Punch last night, but I’m not going to talk about that here, because that shit is just wrong.

January 16, 2008 at 10:14 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

11Oh Hells Yes: Celebrity Apprentice is FAILING!!!

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Oh, die, Donald Trump, die!!!

Rosie O’Donnell must be a happy camper. And so am I!

Last Thursday’s Celebrity Apprentice came in at third place with only 8.2 million viewers.

That’s a 26% fall from its previous week’s premiere.

Back before we all hated the Donald with such a passion, the show could get close to 20 million viewers per episode. But no one cares about poor little Donald Trump again. NOTHING can revive this series.

YOU’RE FIRED, DONALD!!!! You should have walked away while you were on top.

I’m very curious to see what the ratings for American Idol were last night!

Is America just ready for something new????

January 16, 2008 at 10:05 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Donald Trump