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20Drunk Mama!

Christina Aguilera requires a little, um, support from her husband, Jordan Bratman, as she leaves the launch party of the Crown Bar in Hollywood.

I’m sure she was just really, really tired.

May 1, 2008 at 10:08 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

23Mariah Already Married?

Latina magazine is reporting that Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon tied the knot in an impulsive, private ceremony on some island somewhere yesterday.

If it’s true, congrats, you crazy kids!

May 1, 2008 at 9:55 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

17Why So Sad, Jenna?

Jenna Jameson was all smiles on her way into a London nightclub, but left sobbing and was comforted in a car by her friend as photogs snapped pics.

Aw, poor Jenna. Cheer up, doll!

May 1, 2008 at 12:00 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

109Beyonce Pregnant?

The girls over at Hollyscoop are claiming they have it on good authority that Beyonce Knowles is “100% pregnant, which is why the couple rushed their wedding.”

Man, I love it when people say things like “100% pregnant.” The alternative is something like “Beyonce Knowles is 75% pregnant. The other quarter of the fetus is in Jessica Simpson’s uterus. Long story.”

Anyway, the source goes on to claim that everyone at Beyonce’s (still unconfirmed) wedding was well aware that she was pregnant, and that she was rushing the wedding due to her strong Christian beliefs.

If it’s true, Beyonce, we wish you all the best.

April 30, 2008 at 11:45 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

9Florida Is the New Ethiopia

Sopranos star Edie Falco adopted a baby girl named Macy from Florida in February.

From Florida? In February?

Um, did I miss the major tectonic plate shift that resulted in Florida being a part of Africa? I mean, it’s not like I ever read non-celeb news, so it’s possible it just never came across my radar, but that seems unlikely, because doesn’t Jennifer Lopez own a home in Miami? I definitely would have heard about Jennifer Lopez’s Miami home and the tectonic plates beneath it moving to Africa. I’m just going to go ahead and assume that Florida is still a part of the United States, like it was the last time I took geography.

So let me get this straight, Edie. You adopted a child from America? And you didn’t immediately issue a press release?

What kind of a fucking celebrity are you? I get it, I get it. You’re embarrassed that your adopted kid isn’t from Africa. It’s kind of like when you get a new pair of jeans at Express and you like them, you really do, but you don’t really want to advertise that you got them from Express because, like, all the cool kids are wearing Paper Denim. I feel for you, Edie.

Enjoy the kiddo.

April 30, 2008 at 8:46 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Edie Falco

17Making Fun of Miley

This is a BRILLIANT take on the photo shoot Miley Cyrus did for Vanity Fair.

To see the video it’s mocking, click here.

April 30, 2008 at 8:37 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized