Today's Evil Beet Gossip

The Hills Season 3 Trailer: Heidi Knows What She Did

The Hills is coming back, kids, and I can’t wait!!!

The trailer premiered tonight, and it looks like season three has everything:

Lauren, still with headbands and adorable facial expressions! And she’s dating like a guy! And kissing foreigners!

Heidi! Now with lighter eyebrows!

Spencer! When you need something to help you throw up that pizza you shouldn’t have eaten, he’s still the next-best thing to your fingers!

Whitney! Now with an actual storyline!

Audrina! Still with no actual storyline!

And making a return this season:

Brody Jenner, sticking to the good-looks-with-no- personality-to-complicate-it M.O.!

Jason Wahler, back from rehab! And back in Lauren’s life!!!

And if you’ve been jonesing for some good old-fashioned Heidi/Lauren conflict, there appears to be a fantastic “You know what you did” scene. Someone’s been taking lessons from Paris Hilton …

The Hills premieres August 13 on MTV.

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Alessandra Ambrosio’s making out with the same dude she was with on the fourth of July. He’s still shorter than her, and, yet, he’s still not you. [Celebslam]

The dangers of being famous, Reese Witherspoon: the paparazzi catch you scratching your ass. [Drunken Stepfather]

Jillian Barberie has her baby girl. [SOW]

Joel Madden gets kicked out of the Beverly Hills Hotel for threatening to kick Spencer Pratt’s ass. See, and I would have held an impromptu awards ceremony. [POTP]

Honestly, Britney, it’s a pretty easy formula: Hot body = okay to wear skimpy clothing, whereas cottage cheese thighs = not okay at all. [Holy Candy]

The Harry Potter kids get their hands dirty at Mann’s Chinese Theater. [popbytes]

I guess Lance Bass makes more sense on Broadway than in outer space. But I have to admit I had to think about it for a second. [Cele|bitchy]

Vanessa Minnillo takes a break from taking it doggy-style in Mexican hot tubs in order to go bowling with some gal pals. [Daily Stab]

Jason Priestley’s a Daddy!

Jason Priestley and Wife Picture, Photo, They Had a Baby Girl in July

Okay, am I the only person who never thought Jason Priestley was all that hot? I’m sorry, but Brandon Walsh never did anything for me. I was always a Dylan McKay girl, through and through. I mean, I guess I’d take Brandon over Steve Sanders every day of the week and twice on Sundays, but would definitely rather be wtih David Silver than either of them (but not as much as I’d want to be with Dylan). I’m rambling. To clarify, here are the primary male characters on Beverly Hills, 90210, in decreasing order of the desire I had to sleep with them in the mid-90s:

Dylan McKay
David Silver
Brandon Walsh
Steve Sanders

However, this has all changed radically today, as Luke Perry has not aged well, but Jason really has. Honestly, so has Ian Ziering. And Brian Austin Green hasn’t done bad for himself, either. It’s been really confusing for me. Sexually, I mean. It’s difficult to have your girlhood crushes tossed about like that. So here are the primary male actors on Beverly Hills, 90210, in decreasing order of the desire I have to sleep with them today:

Jason Priestley
Brian Austin Green
Ian Ziering
Luke Perry

Now that we have the important part of this story out of the way, I should tell you that Jason Priestley’s wife had a baby on July 2.

“She’s beautiful,” said Priestley. “It was like the second she came into the world, just everything changed.”

This is his first child, and he’s refusing to reveal her name.

The Spice Girls Have a Sixth Member: Their Therapist

Spice Girls Hire a Therapist to Go on Tour

The Spice Girls are celebrating female empowerment by hiring a therapist to help them work through their on-tour cattiness.

Record label Virgin has decided that they already saw this multi-million-dollar business go down in flames once because these chicks can’t keep their egos in check when you put them in the same room, and they’re gonna make damn sure they don’t watch it happen again. According to a source:

This tour will be massive and record bosses do not want anything getting in the way – least of all the girls themselves. They want Girl Power to come back in style, not end in arguments between the girls. So taking a therapist along to smooth out any problems makes sense.

The therapist will be available any time the girls need someone to talk to so that any disagreements do not get out of hand. It would be a disaster if any of them walked out mid-way through the tour.

They had a person like this at my middle school, too. Her name was Ms. Mitchell, and we had to go see her whenever we teased someone for having fat calves, or spilling food on themselves, or being in possession of a tampon. Then I got to high school, and we didn’t really have a person like that anymore, because we didn’t really have catty, retarded fights anymore. And now I’m twenty-five and I work in a large corporate office with dental and vision benefits and they definitely don’t have a person like that because it turns out we’re all adults making a fair amount of money to do a relatively easy job and if we have issues with one another we work it out like adults, even when it sucks and our egos get a little bit bruised. How nice for the Spice Girls that they’re not expected to do anything like that.

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Just because I don’t care about Live Earth doesn’t mean you can’t. Here are all the links you need. [Bree]

Actually, I lied. Popbytes has the YouTube videos of all Madonna’s Live Earth performances, and you need that, too. [popbytes]

Jennifer Garner tries her hand at surfing. [Drunken Stepfather]

Megan Fox is gunning for her spot as D.A.R.E.’s next poster child. Do they still have D.A.R.E.? Or is it safe to assume they’ve just given up on preventative education and begun sending third-graders to Promises? [Allie]

Amy Winehouse is on a concert-cancellation bender. I’m guessing there’s also some liquor involved. [Agent Bedhead]

Okay, Eva Longoria is married. This event truly ushers in a new era, a blessed time in which we have no earthly reason to care about Eva Longoria anymore. Got it, people? This is the end of Eva Longoria coverage around here. You want it, go get it somewhere else. [A Socialite's Life]

Daniel Radcliffe has absolutely no problem banging groupies who only want to sleep with him because he’s famous and not because they genuinely care about the person he is inside. [Cele|bitchy]