Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Paris Won’t Do All 45 Days

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She’ll probably do anywhere from four to twenty-four days. Look here:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) — Paris Hilton may spend far fewer than 45 days in county jail for violating probation because of state policies and jail overcrowding, authorities said Thursday.

Ah yes, overcrowding. Stop going to jail Cali people! And shouldn’t they at least consider reserving a V.I.P. room like they do at fancy restaurants?

“It’s possible that it could be 21 days, 23 days. It’s a complicated formula that the state sets down. It’s possible that she could do less time,” (spokesman Steve) Whitmore told The Associated Press.

Um, how complicated are we talking here? I’m assuming we start with the 45 days. And then we divide it or something. Maybe we throw in how many other inmates are around contributing to the overcrowding.

Look, If I’m going to hunger strike while Paris is in the clink I need the exact number. Good God man.

Last year, “Lost” actress Michelle Rodriguez was sentenced to 60 days in jail for violating probation after her drunken driving arrest in Hawaii. She was released in hours because of overcrowding.

Holy Crap! Hours?? Exactly how good was her behavior? Did she knit something? Perhaps a gentle lullaby for a guard? Yipes.

I, for one, did not go to evil blog school to see Paris in jail for only a few hours.

She will not receive any favors because she is a celebrity, he added.

Of course she won’t. The fact that her daddy can donate millions of dollars to any political cause on a whim won’t help her at all. In fact, powerful people have always been treated the exact same way us us, so long as “exact same” means “completely opposite.” Can we run a pool on her exact jail time? Maybe dedicate a slam poetry post to the winner?

Links Links Links

Charting Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen‘s nose jobs. Remember, kids, if you have your nose opened up because all the cocaine deviated your septum, it’s not really plastic surgery. [CityRag]

Damn, the Buffy chicks used to be hot. [Geno]

Martha Stewart chats with Hayden Panettiere. [popbytes]

Cameron Diaz expects you to believe that her life has been “hell” for the past few years. [INO]

Maybe she’s so upset because Justin Timberlake might be porking Madonna. [Agent Bedhead]

OJ Simpson gets booted from a Kentucky steakhouse because, well, because he killed his wife. [Bossip]

Johnny Depp is probably going to get married this summer. [ICYDK]

Christina Aguilera hops on the celebrity fragrance wagon. [DS]

A taxi driver almost killed Lindsay Lohan this week. You know what they say, Linds, if the coke doesn’t get you, the NYC cabbies will. [IDLYITW]

Kelly Clarkson looks cute on TRL. [Just Jared]

I have to admit, Kim Kardashian still looks really pretty, even without make-up. [Derek Hail]

How Is Patrick Stewart Still Hot???

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I am really disturbed with myself right now. Jean Luc Picard made an appearance at a London theater today, and is, somehow, still way freakin’ hot to me. Is this just me? Why do I feel this way? He’s got to be like 100 years old right now. Harrison Ford aged out about ten years ago for me, and Sean Connery around the same time period. But Patrick Stewart? Still. So. Hot. Why??

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