Hide the women, children, and small furry mammals because this thing is about to get real. Real real. Somehow, against all odds, Lindsay Lohan is not yet 21. Forget the fact that she’s gone to rehab and been photographed around 7,000 times out getting hammered. The girl still has to celebrate being able to get into clubs. That’s right, it’s bday blast time for Lohan. And I have a feeling the invitations will have ??? on the part that shows when the party ends.
“I’m going to milk it because it’s a big birthday,” Lohan, who plans to mark the July milestone with a bash in â€“ where else? â€“ Las Vegas, says on Wednesday’s The Ellen DeGeneres Show.
“Milk it,” for those not in the know, means enough cocaine to fell a traveling circus. Have you seen those Sweet 16 deals MTV films? She’s going to make those look like bingo night down at St Jude. It’s going to be nasty. They will have to hose that place down when it’s all over.
I say we start working on tickets now Beet, I’ll bring a fifth of moonshine, you bring the good looks.
Since the show decided to be total pussies last week and put the American public’s thirst for blood behind African children’s thirst for, well, water, we still have six contestants to deal with this week. Luckily, two of them are going home tomorrow.
According to Ryan, donations from last week raised “almost 70 million dollars.” Because, you know, more of you voted for American Idol contestants than voted in the last presidential election. But that’s cool. Why concern yourselves with the fate of our nation when the fate of Jordin Sparks is in your hands?
Tonight is Bon Jovi night. Remember Bon Jovi, Jordin? No, no you don’t. Remember when Slippery When Wet was released? No, you don’t, because you weren’t going to be born for over three more years. In other news, I have officially started menopause.
Bon Jovi thinks they should “make the songs your own.” Thank God someone finally told them that. It’s really the key piece of advice they’ve been missing.
We love hot bitches here at the Beet. Here is the newest canine celebrity Tiny Dancer. He is 11 months old, 18-ounches and 4-inches tall which makes him quite little. When he is 1 year-old he will claim the title of the Smallest Dog Alive.
His owner carries him around wraps up in a blanket or usually puts him in a baby stroller. How cute is that? I’m sure Paris Hilton is calling this woman up offering her a car or something for this little dog. It is the true purse puppy.
Dannielynn Hope Marshall Birkheadarrived in the United States this morning, with her father, Larry Birkhead, who recently had the baby’s last name legally changed. (Interestingly, he didn’t remove the “Marshall” part of the name — a reference to Anna Nicole’s late billionaire husband, J. Howard Marshall — perhaps to give the little girl a leg up in obtaining some of the Marshall fortune).
After a brief stop in Florida this morning, Dannielynn and Larry continued to Louisville, Larry’s hometown. Larry was reportedly teary-eyed as they said goodbye to the Bahamas, Anna’s final resting place. Dannielynn — can we come up with a nickname for this kid soon? That name is really a hassle to type — was in great spirits and warranted smiles from the customs agents.