Today's Evil Beet Gossip

You Would All Still Go to See Spider-Man 3 Even If I Told You It Was 140 Minutes of Kirsten Dunst Reading Her Own Poetry, But Just FYI, It Probably Sucks

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An excerpt from Rex Reed’s review in The Observer:

Over-produced, over-publicized, over-designed, over-computerized and just plain over the moon, it’s so preposterously overwrought with so many bewildering plots juggling simultaneously for over-emphasis, there’s no entry point for criticism. You just stare at it, as you might a great big exploding pile of cow manure …

The sets are cheesy. The actors are unconscious. The writing is barely legible. The digital effects are overwhelming, without a shred of freshness or originality. None of it makes sense. In summation, Spider-Man 3 consists of one swollen contrivance after another until they all fester and erupt in an incomprehensible blast of noise and gibberish.

David Hasselhoff’s Ex-Wife Takes a Page from the Kim Basinger Playbook

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In response to this video of him drunkenly eating a cheeseburger, David Hasselhoff has issued the following statement, essentially accusing his ex-wife of leaking the video and hoping that six paragraphs of calling her an alcoholic while claiming to take the high road will help us all forget about how he was basically too drunk to eat a cheeseburger on the floor of his hotel room while his daughter filmed him and begged him to stop drinking.

An excerpt:

“While I acknowledge that I am a recovering alcoholic who must deal with my own issue on a daily basis, my ex-wife has refused to deal with her own issues, which include having tested positive for alcohol and illegal substances in response to court ordered testing. Although she has publicly denied having tested positive, proof of her drug use is part of the Court record.

I truly hope that my ex-wife will get the help that she so desperately needs for her own sake and for the sake of our children, and that in the future she will refrain from perpetuating falsehoods and selfishly compromising the well-being of our children so that they can move forward with their lives, with their privacy respected. I look forward to the day that our marital litigation is behind me, so that our children and I can move forward with our lives in peace.”

Yeah. What part of “recovering alcoholic” involves getting wasted in front of your daughter and then blaming your wife? Which step is that, Hoff? Just curious.

Full statement reprinted after the jump.

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I Guess You Guys Watched Grey’s Anatomy: The Movie Last Night

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ABC killed once again, maintaining its Grey’s viewership even with the two-hour, you-can-tell-which-city-we’re-in-because-of-the-color-palette, Addison-Montgomery-may-not-be-able-to-have-a-baby-but-that- bitch-can’t-go-five-minutes-without-another-gorgeous-doctor-
making-out-with-her-and-I-still-don’t-have-a-boyfriend-so-fuck -that-shit, Taye-Diggs-is-still-hot, everyone-in-LA-surfs-and-drinks-martinis, spinoff-introducing juggernaut. So it turns out you guys really do have all the attention span Chandra Rimes was betting on you having. Way to go, America.

What did everyone think of Grey’s last night? It was interesting, I thought, to watch actors essentially filming a pilot juxtaposed against actors who’ve been working together on a hit series for year. Pilots are always awkward, I guess, but switching back and forth made the awkwardness all the more obvious. I do love the Addison Mongomery character, even when I’m insanely jealous of her, and I love that they’ve given her such increasing depth since the day she showed up as McDreamy’s evil wife. I almost like her more than Meredith these days.

Britney Spears Comeback Tour Day 3: Now with More Lindsay Lohan!

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Our darling Brit did the third (and supposedly last) of her comeback mini-shows at the West Hollywood House of Blues last night. Even though the show was held well within the thirty-mile zone, the only high-profile celeb who made an appearance was Miss Lindsay Lohan, who was probably just there to collect on that eight-ball she sold her last week. But who knows — maybe they were going to an AA meeting together later. And of course by “an AA meeting” I mean “the Chateau Marmont. To do cocaine.” Britney’s set was 11 minutes long — her shortest yet — and the only words she spoke were “Thank you, L.A.”

Britney left the venue in her now-ubiquitous pink bra and a denim skirt, on which someone had penned her name and the word “evil.” The Evil B. I like the sound of that.

Man, it’s a slow news day. I’m just sticking around to find out if Paris Hilton’s going to jail. And I’m doing a lot of praying in between. Please, God?

Haylie Duff vs. Kim Kardashian: MySpace Battle of the C-List

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Okay, this is just too funny. Haylie posted these screen shots on her MySpace blog today, stating, “Stuff like this REALLY PISSES ME OFF. I try to reach out and be nice and instead it just gets shoved back in my face. This is why you should never move to Hollywood, the place is full of arrogant, immature, and offensive bitches who can’t hold their liquor and can’t keep their legs closed.”

Here’s what I don’t get, though. The first message was sent yesterday at 3:16 pm. The next message came three minutes later? I assure you it takes Kim Kardashian longer than that to read a message, decide on a response, and type it. So I’m a little doubtful about whether or not this is real. The whole “I don’t hang out with horses” thing is pretty funny, though.