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113I Am Going to Quit Smoking and You Guys Are Going to Be My Support Group

I have to quit smoking. It’s seriously way past okay for me to be smoking. I started when I was sixteen, and I promised myself I would quit by 21. I was not going to smoke for more than five years. And now we’re going on year ten, and I wake up in the morning hacking my lungs out, and I get winded when I walk up a flight of stairs, and it’s really just unacceptable. Plus, the secondhand smoke is not good for Leo to be around. And I bet Greg Plitt wouldn’t date a girl who smokes. So I have to quit smoking.

I’ve tried everything, you guys. I’ve tried patches and gums and Chantix and meditation and prayer. I even once went to a Nicotine Anonymous meeting, but that was just a little too much for me. I was like, “Um, okay, the first step is to admit I’m powerless over nicotine and my life has become unmanageable. So, I get the powerless part, but I don’t really think it’s making my life unmanageable. I just want to quit.” And the other people in the group, who were old, tried to be very helpful. They were like “Don’t you hate it when you have to end a phone conversation quickly so you can get outside to have a cigarette?” And I was like, “Um, I haven’t talked on a phone with a cord since I was 8, and I smoke in my house.” And so they were like “Don’t you hate having to be late for meetings at work because you were taking a smoke break?” and I was like “Uh, I work from my living room. Where I smoke.” And then they were like “Well don’t you feel bad when your husband complains about your smoking?” And I was like “Uh …” Long story short: I left the meeting and lit up a cigarette.

So now I’m 24 hours into my not-smoking (although I’m using the patches), and I figure I’m just going to be accountable to you guys here. You’re going to be my support group. I’m going to be responsible for telling you at the end of each day that I didn’t have a cigarette that day, and you guys are going to be like “Congrats!” or “We don’t care!” or “MILEY CYRUS is hottttttt i want to put my penis in her boooooobs!!!1″ or whatever it is you guys say in the comments. But there are a lot of you, and I’m going to make myself accountable to you.

And if you feel like quitting smoking along with me, feel free to leave your own updates in the comments. Your ass can be accountable to me. :)

It’s been 24 hours so far. I haven’t had a cigarette today. Hopefully I can say the same thing tomorrow night!

May 18, 2008 at 10:37 pm by Evil Beet
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10Country Music Awards: The Rest of the Dresses

We already ran the pics of Nicole Kidman and her baby bump, but here’s the rest of the dresses worn by people at this event who don’t look like they crawled out of their crypt just to be there.

Karolina Kurkova definitely takes the cake for Most Inexplicable Outfit at this event. She would have been a shoe-in for Most Inexplicable Presence at this event, too, but then Carrot Top showed up. Carrot Top is so scary to me. I wish he’d go away and never come back.

Oh, and Poppy Montgomery was there with her super-hot boyfriend/baby-daddy, and that makes me really resentful and jealous. He’s so hot.

May 18, 2008 at 10:02 pm by Evil Beet
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11Britney’s Great Getaway Continues

Britney’s Costa Rican vacation is still going strong, although we tragically haven’t seen any shots of her with Mel Gibson yet. I want those. So does every photo agency in the world, I’m sure.

Britney spent Sunday boogie boarding with an unidentified guy (shown here). She does seem to be really happy, and having a nice, relaxing trip, which is great for her, although I’m a bit jealous. I want to go on a Costa Rican vacation! Mel, call me!

May 18, 2008 at 9:45 pm by Evil Beet
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2Always the Gentleman

Jeremy Piven stopped his Bronco in the middle of traffic at Cross Creek on Sunday to chat with these three young women.

It was a mutually beneficial conversation: they needed directions to the beach, and he needed directions to the blond one’s vagina.

So Jeremy was all like “Uh, head south on Cross Creek until you hit PCH” and the blond girl’s friend was all like “Look, tell her you can introduce her to Adrian Grenier, but first she has to prove to you that she can satisfy him in the sack” and everyone got what they wanted that day.

May 18, 2008 at 9:40 pm by Evil Beet
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6Matthew McConaughey Has Grown a Sympathy Baby Bump

Uh, Matty? Camila’s pregnant, sweetie, not you.

Matty’s normally sporting the rock-hard abs, but in this shot it looks like he’s got a little extra blubber in the middle.

Maybe it’s just a bad picture, or maybe Matthew’s so devoted to Camila and raising a family with her that being disturbingly obsessive about his body just seems less important now.

May 18, 2008 at 9:30 pm by Evil Beet
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16Feeling All Better, Avril?

After canceling multiple dates on her U.S. tour just last week due to illness, Avril Lavigne was feeling well enough to hit up Villa Lounge on Saturday night, and she left looking a little worse for the wear.

I have a feeling she was drinking a little something more than hot tea with honey. I hear Grey Goose does wonders for laryngitis.

Avril sucks balls.

May 18, 2008 at 9:24 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized