10Rehab is The New Black

Recently Britney Spears, Linsday Lohan, Robbie Williams, and countless other celebrities have checked themselves into rehab. Now one would think that this would be a private endeavor yet most of these celebrities make it into a big publicity event.

The latest D-lister to join the rehab posse is Jessie Metcalfe. Funny how we haven’t seen much of him lately and then all of a sudden he ends up in rehab. Today his publicist released the following,

“On Monday, March 19, Jesse Metcalfe entered a rehab facility to deal with alcohol issues. He realized he had a problem and was anxious to deal with it immediately. The actor, best known as the hunky gardener on the ABC show ‘Desperate Housewives’ and the star of the film ‘John Tucker Must Die,’ hopes that the media will allow him the privacy to deal properly with his treatment.”

Privacy my ass. Rehab is so hot right now. I’m not saying that some of these celebrities are doing this for attention. Oh wait, actually I am.

March 22, 2007 at 8:06 am by EvilT

0Late-Night Links

It’s almost like Jenna Jameson is the very definition of class. [DListed]

I want a “Tears for Spears” t-shirt. [CityRag]

Angelina, Madd, Pax, Zahara and Ylgixx leave Vietnam. Okay, I made the last kid up, but that’s totally what they’re going to name him. [Cele|bitchy]

Celebrities continue to be a ringing endorsement for rehab. Robbie Williams is sober as a judge, if that judge is really drunk. [Celebslam]

TORI I LOVE YOU!!! I love you Tori!!! I love you I love you I love you!!! I am soooo excited for when your May 1 album leaks sometime in early April!!! I will steal it and listen to it obsessively because you are my God. [popbytes]

Why would you want to look at pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s naughty bits when there are naked pictures of Pete Doherty on the Internet? [NSFW] [SOW]

Nicole Richie isn’t anorexic, she’s hypoglycemic, a blood sugar condition which I’m sure isn’t at all aggravated by the fact that she never eats. [Rumorficial]

Even Google thinks Lindsay Lohan has a drug problem. [WOW]

Dita Von Teese sans make-up. [Mollygood]

March 21, 2007 at 8:40 pm by Evil Beet

2Vivica Gets Her Drink On… Then Gets Her Drive On

LOS ANGELES (AP) — Vivica A. Fox was released from jail early Wednesday after she was arrested for investigation of driving under the influence, authorities said. The 42-year-old actress was pulled over late Tuesday after her vehicle passed a patrol car on the Hollywood Freeway at 80 mph.

People, people, if you’re going to drive drunk you’ve got to slow down. That’s just common sense. Go just a few miles over the speed limit, that way the cops won’t suspect a thing. Also don’t be a minority. Just in general.

March 21, 2007 at 8:31 pm by Spiteful Lars

3This Is Getting Loony

So Scarlett took a third role in a Woody Allen film. Fine. I’ve moved past it. But don’t you dare come out and compliment this wife’s adopted daughter coveting bastard. Don’t you do it Scarlett!

Sigh. You did it.

“I’d sew the hems of his pants if he asked me to,” the actress, 22, says in the April issue of Vogue.

Yes, and he’d allow you to. You’re the requisite 40 years younger he requires. Better to drink the blood of the young you see. Woody chimes in describing her as:

“criminally sexy,” telling the magazine: “While she is a much stronger actress in every way, there is a tiny bit of Marilyn Monroe in her zaftig humidity.”

Zaftig = juicy, succulent. Nice Wood, nice. You got her right where you want her. For fun let’s look at a bonus quote from 2005 from Woody.

Allen estimated that, despite the scandal’s damage to his reputation, Farrow’s discovery of Allen’s attraction to Soon-Yi Previn, by accidentally finding nude photographs of her, was “just one of the fortuitous events, one of the great pieces of luck in my life. [...] It was a turning point for the better.”

There you have it. This is a lucky dude. Also he’s a talentless hack. Go away.

March 21, 2007 at 12:50 pm by Spiteful Lars

6What Up David Beckham?

David Beckam’s new Adidas ad is quite “urban.” It kind of looks as though he is straying from his metrosexual look and going for a “Eminem meets Kevin Federline” vibe. I really think the hottness that is David Beckham isn’t showcased very well here. He has a hot body and a sexy face, why hide it under baggy clothes and a hat. Poor form David. You are moving to the US…here, sex sells…big time, show it off.

March 21, 2007 at 11:04 am by EvilT

0Brit Brit Completes Rehab

It’s been a long hard month for us celeb bloggers but they’ve sprung our muse loose and off the juice (why am I so pleased with this rhyme? no idea. OCD probably).

That’s the Brit is back!

LOS ANGELES (AP) — After almost a month of seclusion in an oceanfront rehabilitation center, Britney Spears has moved on.

Also, she’s just in time for K-Fed’s substance riddled bday bash:

A party on Wednesday at West Hollywood nightclub Eleven had been planned, in addition to a second bash on Saturday at Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas, said Federline’s publicist Marilyn Lopez.

Boo to the yeah! This will all go swimmingly I am sure. She’s fresh out of ‘hab looking to stay on the straight and narrow and her ex-husband is throwing a party.

To quote Lord of the Rings: Return of the King: “Meat’s back on the menu boys!”

Sorry for that quote. No EvilBeet and No EvilT means this here blog is under the sole control of dorkdom.

March 21, 2007 at 8:30 am by Spiteful Lars