Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Scott Stapp Should Really Hire a Publicist for Things Like This

Scott Stapp Can’t Spell

Or at least employ a spell check. Stapp, the Christian rocker who came home trashed and threw and Orangina bottle at his wife’s face, has issued a statement to Drew Garabo, a morning DJ in his hometown in Central Florida. Unfortunately, he didn’t run it through a spell check first. Honestly. Sooo retarded. His statement, with my (myriad) spelling corrections and comments, below. (I decided not even to start on the grammar. Well, for the most part.)

You have a Ggreat heart Drew! Thank you bro:)

First of all I would like to express how thankfull and appreciative my family is for the tremendeous tremendous outpouring of love and support we have received during this insecure time in our marriage. I was shocked at how many have rallied around us. [Ed: Me, too.]

I am truly sorry and seek forgiveness from my wife. As she has done the same seeking forgiveness from me. We both know we were wrong in how we handled the argument and in some of the allegations that were made.. Now we are tring trying to move forward as a family.

Things were stated to the police in the heat of anger that were not completely accurate. Things have been said to the media and reported after the fact that are not accurate as well either.

As in most cases like this, the next day everyone is sorry and wishes they didn’t get the police involved and said what they did about their partner. We are no different. [Ed: See, Scott, I'll believe that when I hear it from your wife.]

My wife and I love eachother each other very much and are activley actively seeking support to help us resolve this tough time and bring our loving family back together as one

Together, with counciling counseling, as well as working on changing area’s areas [Ed: Really, Scott? Possessive?] of our lives in a mutual effort to learn, grow, and mature positivley positively as a Mother, Father, Husband, Wife, and Spiritual human bieng being, we will overcome this:) [Ed: Another smiley face? Yay! Domestic violence is a happy thing!]

We would also like to apologize to the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Dept.for calling them to our home and taking them away from the very serious and dangerous job of protecting our community. Anyone that was effected affected negativly negatively please forgive us as well.?

We would also like to ask that the media please allow our family to heal during this painfull painful time and remember we have children. So please take that into consideration and respect our privacy and let this go. I know you would want the same if the tables were turned. [Ed: I don't throw Orangina bottles at people. Ever.]

God Bless you.
Scott, Jaclyn, Milan and Jagger Stapp:)

Poor Kelly Pickler

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It’s hard not to feel bad for Kelly Pickler. She used to be a naive, but lovable, little trailer park gal. Now she’s been handled and rebreasted. Sadly, her daddy hasn’t caught up with the vibe and remains true to his roots:

ALBEMARLE, N.C. (AP) — The father of former American Idol contestant Kellie Pickler has been arrested again, accused this time of stealing older abandoned and disabled vehicles and illegally selling them to scrap yards.

Wow. You have to admit that’s a pretty crappy thing to get arrested for. If Pickler’s poppa had gone down for meth at least there would have been some honor there. But stealing abandoned vehicles, presumably from the neighbors concrete blocks in the front yard, is sad times.

Authorities have charged Clyde Pickler, 42, who finished a three-year prison term in Florida last year for stabbing a man, with three felony counts of larceny of a motor vehicle and one felony count of obtaining property under false pretense, according to court records.

Oh, wait, he stabbed a dude and was in the joint for that? Hmmm… I may have to rethink this one. Okay, here we go, Pickler’s dad is still doing crime (and will do the time) but at least he’s transitioned to non-violent offenses. So it looks like Pickler’s star is on the rise!

Links Links Links

Mick Jagger used to let bees sting his penis so it would get bigger. [DListed]

I guess it’s Small Penis Day. Enrique Iglesia says his is tiny, too. Small Penis Power! Small penises have been discriminated against for far too long!!! Small penises unite!!! Rise up and penetrate this social injustice! [Celebslam]

Sharon Stone chugs some wine at Cannes, because she’s all class like that. [CityRag]

Some genius 18-year-old adopted the name Katee Holmes and now plans to lose her virginity on camera. Because, you know, this bitch is totally a virgin. [The Blemish]

Dennis Quaid and his wife are expecting twins. [Glitterati]

John Mayer tries his hand at stand-up. [SOW]

Heidi Klum calls her breasts “Hans” and “Franz.” Seriously. [Cele|bitchy]

Watch Lady Sovereign’s on-stage nervous break-down. [Celebrity Puke]

Yet another Bai Ling nip slip. [The Grumpiest]

Eva Longoria hits up the dance studio. [Drunken Stepfather]

Um, Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco are dating again. And he still hasn’t changed his last name. I don’t understand it, you guys. [Holy Candy]

Angelina Jolie’s taking a year off to focus on family. I’ll believe it when I see it. [Daily Stab]

Keeley Hazell wallpaper downloads. Because some of you will care. [Geno]

Thank you to an EB commenter for pointing me toward Kendra Wilkinson’s incredible fashion line, K Dub. [K-Dub Clothing]

Pics from the Knocked Up premiere party. [LAist]

Nicole in Rehab…Yawn.

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Nicole Richie is in rehab…yawn.
I guess she was really skinny when she got there…yawn.
She has an addiction to pills and other bad stuff…yawn.
She is anorexic…DUH.

Click here if you actually care anymore. I’m so over Nicole Richie I can’t stand it. I do hope that she does get herself some help.

You know every time Paris befriends…or re-befriends someone they end up in rehab. Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears…now Nicole. Coincidence? I think not.

AmIdol Recap: The Finale

It’s the big night, kids. We’re in the Kodak Theater. Blake vs. Jordin. Or, you know, Jordin. With Blake there.

Denise Richards is in the audience, because now that Simon’s engaged she should definitely try to have sex with him.

Let’s introduce the judges. Randy is wearing what I imagine guerilla army generals in the Congo wear once they’ve retired. Paula is there, with hair extensions. Simon and Randy both point at her, and she grabs their fingers. They’re looking at her lovingly. I think Paula had been getting sober this season, and she fell off the wagon (and, yes, into a chihuahua); the guys seem very supportive right now. It’s heartwarming, actually. Simon winks at Ryan. Now, just so we can get it out of the way, Ryan asks Paula to tell him about the nose injury. Paula explains that she tripped over her dog, Tulip. Now the camera goes to Ryan, and you can see him kind of smirking, and he’s opening his mouth, about to talk, when Randy interrupts with “What sort of dog is it?” Paula continues that “Tulip’s fine, she was snoring,” and Ryan jumps in with the thing he’s been planning to say since he heard about this last night: “So the bitch is okay.” Because he can. Everyone gasps. Because “bitch” has several meanings in English. Get it? Sigh. It’s going to be a long hour.

We take a second — or, you know, five minutes — to remind the audience that, despite what Simon said about Seattle, both the finalists auditioned there (although Jordin is from Arizona). We get a little retrospective on both contestants’ journeys, because we have an hour to fill here, people. And, much as we’d like to, we can’t just spend all of it plugging On The Lot. Which, by the way, is pre-empting my darling House tonight. So, you know, fuck that.

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