5Anna Faris Files for Divorce

I don’t know much about this girl but I know I love her. She did all those Scary Movie sequels, but she also did Lost in Translation (where her ditzy starlet character was apparently based on Sofia Coppola’s arch-nemesis, Cameron Diaz) and Just Friends (where she played a ditzy starlet again — but she does it sooo well!!!). Anyway, she just filed for divorce from her husband of three years, “actor” Ben Indra. What do you know him from? Nothing, kids. Nothing at all. And with three movies slated to come out in 2007 alone, you can understand why perhaps Anna wanted to try something new. The two have no children together. Faris is being repped in the divorce proceedings by Laura Wasser, who I guess has some free time on her hands now that Britney’s divorce case is winding down.

April 4, 2007 at 8:36 am by Evil Beet

4AmIdol Recappin’

Hi guys.

The Beet is under seige and I had to gulp down 3.5 hours of Grindhouse last night which means this will be reeking of brevity. Here’s some random thoughts on last night’s Idol.

Please God, let’s put Ton’ Bennett out to pasture. He’s a billion years old and everything he says is laced with old man vibe. “Just sing the words,” “Make sure you hit the words,” “Don’t try for any other notes than I did.” Yawn and a half. The only spark he provided was liking Sanjaya and commenting on the Iraq war. Yowsers. I know I was interested in TB’s thoughts on that front.

Simon needs to fight back with the audience more. People are rude. Stop booing him! If you love everyone you’re hardly objective eh? Also, if everyone is good the show gets really fucking boring. We’re almost there right now. Without Sanjaya, Phil and Haley to watch we’d just be watching a decent pop concert. And frankly I don’t want to watch a decent pop concert.

Winners last night:
Lakisha, Jordin, Chris (not Sligh, the one that hasn’t been voted off):
Lakisha held down the anchor position and rocked it. Jordin, for her young age, seems remarkably composed. Chris, as annoying as he can be, is catching up to Blake at an alarming rate.

Losers: Everyone else.
Haley is pretty much being set up to pose for Playboy. Blake’s voice is composed of one note. Sanjaja trying to sing? Not fun! Melinda is boring. Good, but TiVo fast forward ready. Glockson is fading at the very point she needs to be crushing it. If it weren’t for Haley she’d be sticking out like a hooker with a heart of gold.

That’s all for now. If I’m scheduled to handle the vote-off I’ll do better. Some sort of Haiku for Phil is in order, he’s about to head of to that giant penis-head in the sky place.

April 4, 2007 at 6:16 am by Spiteful Lars

2Rosie Type-Cast

Sometimes you need a pick me up, don’t you? This may be the worst movie ever, in the history of the world, and it has Rosie pretending to be mentally retarded.

Only, actually, she doesn’t even do it very well. She just throws on this crazy fozzy “wocka” accent and calls it good. Enjoy!

April 3, 2007 at 4:00 pm by Spiteful Lars

9Someone Get Paris Hilton a Zamboni

A judge in New Jersey ruled today that those gigantic machines used to smooth out ice rinks are not motor vehicles and therefore one can operate them while intoxicated without being in jeopardy of getting a DUI.

A judge ruled the four-ton ice rink-grooming machines aren’t motor vehicles because they aren’t useable on highways and can’t carry passengers.

Zamboni operator John Peragallo had been charged with drunken driving in 2005 after a fellow employee at the Mennen Sports Arena in Morristown, New Jersey, told police the machine was speeding and nearly crashed into the boards.

Police said Peragallo’s blood alcohol level was 0.12 percent. A level of 0.08 is considered legally drunk in New Jersey.

Peragallo appealed, and Superior Court Judge Joseph Falcone on Monday overturned his license revocation and penalties.

“It’s a vindication for my client,” Peragallo attorney James Porfido said after the hearing. “It’s the right decision.”

Morris County Assistant Prosecutor Joseph D’Onofrio said no decision had been made on whether to appeal.

Peragallo, 64, testified at his trial that he did drink beer and vodka, but not until after he had groomed the ice. However, he told police he had a shot of Sambuca with his breakfast coffee and two Valium-pills before work.

April 3, 2007 at 3:40 pm by Evil Beet

0Mid-Afternoon Links

A sixteen-year marriage and five children are no match for Rose McGowan. [A Socialite's Life]

Jesus loves Scott Stapp so much He’s not letting anyone distribute the sex tape he and Kid Rock made with groupies on their tour bus. [Cele|bitchy]

Halle Berry gets her star on the Boulevard. [popbytes]

That Cameron Diaz sure is attractive. [ICYDK]

Justin Timberlake doesn’t like gossip rags because they make “soap operas” out of the lives of celebrities. I bet Justin Timberlake would like the gossip rags a whole lot less if they stopped writing about him and running his picture. [Celebrity Smack]

They are making a movie version of He’s Just Not That Into You. [Glitterati]

Kate Moss and Pete Doherty should not be allowed to own a video camera. [Agent Bedhead]

Fergie is equal-opportunity easy. [Gone Hollywood]

April 3, 2007 at 3:15 pm by Evil Beet

1This Just In From Planet Crazy

Have you ever really missed a deceased relative? Me too. Keith Richards might have, he might not have, but he’s definitely crazy either way.

From AP LONDON:

Keith Richards: The strangest thing I’ve tried to snort? My father. I snorted my father,” Richards was quoted as saying by British music magazine NME. “He was cremated and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn’t have cared,” he said. “… It went down pretty well, and I’m still alive.”

His father was cremated and Keith snorted the ashes. Hmmm. Well at least he had the good sense to mix pops with blow. Classy.

We will now only run posts on things Keith HASN’T snorted in the interest of time.

April 3, 2007 at 11:44 am by Spiteful Lars