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29Barack Obama: “Yes, We Can”

Si, se puede!

Okay, I admit it: this is good.

How can you not vote for the dude? Come on, Tatyana Ali’s singing about him!

March 1, 2008 at 11:35 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Barack Obama

6Your Daily Britney

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Here’s our girl Brit, once again leaving Millenium Dance Studios.

I think it’s cool that she’s not doing crazy shit these days.

I also like how the lip tattoo on her wrist makes it look like she has ringworm from far away. I mean, if you had to vote for Most Likely to Get Ringworm from the celebrity class of 2008, you’d vote for Britney, right?

March 1, 2008 at 2:33 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Britney Spears

174I Do Not Understand the Adriana Lima Thing

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Sure, she has a killer body, but look at that face!

Not hot.

Here’s Adriana being not-hot at some press conference at some fashion thing in Mexico City.

Now I’ll be quiet and you all can remind me of just how jealous I am.

March 1, 2008 at 2:26 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Adriana Lima

11JLo’s Spawn Have Names

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The JTwins are named Max and Emme.

What I wanna know is what their last names are. Marc Anthony’s real last name is Muñiz. So what do we have on our hands here? Is it an Emme Muñiz? Can I call her EMu?

I’m just asking. These things are important to me.

March 1, 2008 at 2:20 am by Evil Beet

34Sanjaya Malakar: Shirtless and Loving It

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If I’m going to go on rants about gun control, I suppose the least I can do is help you get the taste of the real world out of your mouth by posting these new photos of American Idol also-ran Sanjaya Malakar shirtless. In a lovely Spanish-style kitchen.

I just want you guys to help me think this through.

Did he set the camera up on a tripod or was there an accomplice? In any case, the words “I should take a picture of myself shirtless; someone might like that” were either spoken or, at the very least, thought. “And with what should I adorn myself and my ripped little arms for this photo shoot? Why, New Zealand boxers, of course! And bracelets! And what’s an appropriate locale for such an image? What would best work to accentuate my manly sex appeal? My mother’s kitchen, I think. With the pots and the fronds and the faux-marble counters. Oh, yes. Little girls everywhere will totally grab their pillows and masturbate to this one. For real, though, make sure you get the wall-mounted TV in the frame. I want people to be subtly reminded that I was on television once. I am a sexy, televised beast.”

Seriously. Shoot me in the head. But not with a gun; I’m currently in a guns-are-bad phase. Use an arrow or something. Or smack me over the head with a large pot. I hear there’s one in Sanjaya Malakar’s kitchen.

March 1, 2008 at 2:07 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Sanjaya Malakar

43Juvenile’s 4-Year-Old Daughter Killed by Her Brother (and a Gun)

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Awesome.

The 4-year-old daughter of rapper Juvenile, Jelani Deleston, was shot to death by her 17-year-old brother, who is not Juvenile’s son, on Thursday in Georgia. Also brutally murdered were her 39-year-old mother and her 11-year-old sister.

You know, normally I try to keep politics and, you know, “real” issues as far away from this blog as possible, mostly because I’m terribly ill-informed about issues involving anything and anyone who might not warrant an invite to the Teen Choice Awards, and also because I don’t really care, but, look: my gut instinct about guns has always been, like, hey, it says in our Constitution that we can have guns, so, like, I think it’s only fair that we have guns. But then I read about something like this and I’m like, “Really? Why the fuck did this kid have a gun?” and then I’m like, “Oh, yeah, ‘cuz the Constitution says we can have guns all willy-nilly over the place.” And then I’m like, “You know, maybe I should see exactly what the Constitution says.”

The Constitution says this, in the Second Amendment:

A well regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the People to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed.

And I read that and I’m like, “You know, maybe in the modern world, this should just mean that the military can have guns, and not every dumbass in Georgia,” and then I devote like an hour of my life to reading the entire Wiki on the thing and it turns out that lots of other people — including assorted state and federal courts — think the same thing, and then — and this is the really bad part — I realize that I’m totally fascinated by all these legal discussions and decide that what I ought to do is go to law school so that in like 30 years I can write about what I think of all this in the Harvard Law Review and that’s how I know it’s time to go to bed.

But anyway.

If you’ve just been dying to talk about gun control laws on this blog, here’s your chance, buddy.

March 1, 2008 at 1:39 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Juvenile