Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Doesn’t This Mean He DID Do It???

Guilty OJ

Here is an excerpt from the manuscript of OJ Simpson’s failed book “If I Did It.” Now this sounds to me like him actually confessing to killing Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman.

I know double jeopardy and all…but can’t OJ get in trouble for confessing? It makes me so sick he didn’t get locked up forever for this.

Then something went horribly wrong, and I know what happened, but I can’t tell you exactly how. I was still standing in Nicole’s courtyard, of course, but for a few moments I couldn’t remember how I’d gotten there, when I’d arrived, or even why I was there. Then it came back to me, very slowly: The recital-with little Sydney up on stage, dancing her little heart out; me, chipping balls into my neighbor’s yard; Paula, angry, not answering her phone; Charlie, stopping by the house to tell me some more ugly shit about Nicole’s behavior. Then what? The short, quick drive from Rockingham to the Bundy condo. And now? Now I was standing in Nicole’s courtyard, in the dark, listening to the loud, rhythmic, accelerated beating of my own heart. I put my left hand to my heart and my shirt felt strangely wet. I looked down at myself. For several moments, I couldn’t get my mind around what I was seeing. The whole front of me was covered in blood, but it didn’t compute. Is this really blood? I wondered. And whose blood is it? Is it mine? Am I hurt?

LOCK OJ UP! I bet his kids are really happy that this got leaked to the internet. Way to be a responsible parent OJ.

Pope Knows Driving

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The Vatican has come up with the “Drivers 10 Commandments.” Got road rage? The Catholic church wants to help you through it. I have to say that after visiting the Beet in California I would need these to deal with SoCal highway traffic. Thankfully I live in New York so I just yell at people on the subway. But here are the commandments if you need a little bit more Jesus in your daily commute.

1. You shall not kill.

2. The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm.

3. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you deal with unforeseen events.

4. Be charitable and help your neighbor in need, especially victims of accidents.

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

7. Support the families of accident victims.

8. Bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

9. On the road, protect the more vulnerable party.

10. Feel responsible toward others.

I bet the Pope also wouldn’t be down with teenagers losing their virginity in motor vehicles…but “don’t do it in the back of your dad’s Taurus” just doesn’t sound elegant does it?

Links Links Links

Some unattractive man wins Britain’s Got Talent. See, that sort of thing would never happen here in the U.S. We like our celebrities attractive, dammit. [Cele|bitchy]

Okay, so, at some point in 1997, my high-school boyfriend presented me with a copy of Paula Cole’s This Fire. “I bought this album,” he said, “but I don’t want it anymore. I heard that song on the radio where she’s like, ‘I’ll wash the dishes while you have a beer,’ and I thought that was awesome, but the rest of the album isn’t like that at all.” Anyway, after a 7-year break, Paula Cole’s back with a new album. [popbytes]

Michelle Williams takes daughter Matilda out for a stroll. [Daily Stab]

Heh. Kristy Swanson got her ass arrested for an “altercation” with her boyfriend’s ex-wife. [Glitterati]

Beyonce rocks the ugliest bikini I have ever seen. [Jordan]

Oh, please tell me they’re going to try to make a movie out of the Monopoly board game. [Allie Is Wired]

Julia Roberts Welcomes Baby Boy

Julia Roberts Has Baby Boy Henry Daniel

Julia Roberts and husband Danny Moder welcomed a new addition to their family early Monday morning, son Henry Daniel Moder. The baby was born at Cedars Sinai in L.A., and weighs 8½ lbs. “The Moder family is doing great,” said Roberts’ rep. Little Henry is Julia and Danny’s third child; twin sons Hazel and Phinnaeus will turn 2 in November.

While Roberts has pulled back from her uber-successful acting career lately in order to focus on raising a family, her niece is just getting started. Sixteen-year-old Emma Roberts plays the title role in Nancy Drew, which hit theaters last Friday. Finding your break-out role in a brilliant, beautiful teenage sleuth is commendable, Emma, but it’s no hooker with a heart of gold.

Rosie Still Says Hideously Stupid Things

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There are people in life that don’t have the wherewithal to just shut the fuck up. You know these people. They were the ones doing kegstands while everyone else was packing up the party. Every once in a great while one of these abrasive personalities slips through the cracks and makes it big, where they then have a forum to chime in with the power of the media behind them.

Well, here is enough to make me beg that The Price is Right doesn’t go Rosie.

At the Cyndi Lauper True Colors tour:

“I got to tell you, I’ve been hanging around with those heteros for a full year and it’s not fun,” she said. “Turn around one minute and they’ll stab you in the back with a high heel. They will.”

What the hell? If I said “I’ve been hanging around with these homos for a year and it’s sucked,” how would that go for me? It would go poorly, because it is very very stupid. Now, they may in fact be back stabbers (BwaBwa in particular would eat your children to get an interview) but categorizing them as “heteros” has nothing to do with anything. It’s brushing all “heteros” with the same broad stroke which is the one thing everyone who’s ever been discriminated against hates. Also, I’ve heard the Hasselbeck chick goes both ways.