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14Alanis Morissette Has Been Sad :(

You’d be sad, too, if you and your fiance broke up and then like two seconds later he was engaged to a girl ten years younger than you who’s releasing an album of Tom Waits covers.

“I took a break over the past two and half years. I was tending to my personal life,” says Alanis. During that time, she says she hit “rock bottom” due to “a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life.”

A “personal unraveling of significant relationships“? What does that even mean, Alanis? Like, if you’d been talking about an “unraveling of significant personal relationships” or a “personal unraveling due to problems in significant relationships,” I’d get it. But what exactly does a “personal unraveling” mean in this context? See, now, you’re just juxtaposing evocative words to make yourself sound like an angsty poet. This is annoying, and possibly even more so than recording an entire album of Tom Waits covers. Just so you know.

Alanis has a new album coming out June 10, called Flavors of Entanglement, which supposedly “chronicles the rock bottom finally being hit.”

She had no comment on Ryan Reynolds’ recent engagement to Scarlett Johansson.

May 9, 2008 at 3:12 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

19It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s … Lindsay Lohan?

After an evening of partying at Goa, Lindsay Lohan tried to climb into Samantha Ronson’s car and speed away. But she got so frustrated with the swarm of paparazzi that she got out of the car and ran toward them, arms spread, trying to knock them over, I guess.

This is the sort of thing that just doesn’t happen when Lindsay Lohan’s sober.

And is that a cigarette sticking out from her top hat?


May 9, 2008 at 2:24 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

22Nick Hogan Is Going to JAIL

Nick was sentenced to eight months in jail for critically injuring his pal John Graziano.

He also got five years’ probation, 500 hours community service, and lost his drivers license for three years.

TMZ liveblogged the sentencing. Jesus.

Nick was taken away to jail immediately.

And apparently Brooke was dressed like a total hooker at the sentencing, but I haven’t been able to find a pic just yet.

May 9, 2008 at 2:17 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

21Sarah Larson Lands the Cover of Harper’s Bazaar

Celebitchy opens her article on this subject with the following line:

I guess the answer to the question “who did Sarah Larson screw to get on the cover of Harpers Bazaar?” is obvious.

I can’t top that.

May 9, 2008 at 2:10 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

11The Aftermath

Text message this morning from “Josh”:

“Why is everyone calling me Josh?”

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

I love you, sweetie.

May 9, 2008 at 12:36 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

94The Next Miley Cyrus???

Meet Selena Gomez.

She’s the star of the Disney Channel hit Wizards of Waverly Place, and she’s supposedly the girl Disney execs have their eye on to make into the next Miley Cyrus. She’s got several film roles lined up, and she’s in the process of signing a record deal with Hollywood Records (owned by Disney), which also puts out Miley’s albums.

You know what’s crazy?

This girl is 15, just like Miley.

She has the face of, well, a four-year-old. I mean, really. Selena looks like she just got done baton twirling on the stage of some manner of child beauty pageant. She makes Miley Cyrus look like a senior citizen.

How soon until she’s sporting mini-skirts and halter tops in her music videos?

Can we at least let these kids be old enough to drive before we go making sex-symbol mega-celebs out of them?

May 9, 2008 at 10:45 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized