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42Apparently Ashley Tisdale’s Doll Needs a Nose Job

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As you all know, Ashley Tisdale had a deviated septum nose job last year, but I guess the manufacturers of her new doll didn’t get the memo.

According to “insiders,” the Tizz doll is sporting her pre-surgery nose. “The width of the doll’s nose and the nostrils look like her nose pre-surgery,” cosmetic surgeon Dr. Patrick Abergel, who doesn’t treat the star, told In Touch Weekly.

Seriously?

You know what the Ashley Tisdale doll looks like?

It looks like a fucking doll.

It doesn’t look a damn thing like Ashley Tisdale, because it’s a fucking cheap-ass, mass-produced plastic likeness of a human being with blonde hair. When’s the last time you looked at one of those crappy dolls and thought to yourself, “Jesus, that thing looks exactly like Lindsay Lohan” or “Man, I thought Justin Timberlake lived in LA, but he’s clearly been shrunken and placed right here in my living room in Minnesota, the likeness is so striking”?

No.

It’s not Madame Tusseaud’s, people, it’s a cheap little doll. It doesn’t look like Ashley Tisdale because none of those dolls look anything like the people they’re supposed to be.

I don’t know why I’m so riled up about this. I just can’t believe people are actually writing stories — and consulting cosmetic surgeons — about a fucking $15 doll needing a couple millimeters off her nose.

God, Paris, I’m sorry about giving you shit for running around town clutching Benji Madden’s hand like a couple of fifth graders at recess. At least when you’re up to your standard antics, people aren’t writing about the goddamn nose on the Ashley Tisdale doll.

Ugh. I’m grumpy and need to sleep.

February 28, 2008 at 4:26 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Ashley Tisdale

14Kate & Owen?!?! Together again?!?!

k-and-o.jpgWHA WHA WHAAAATTT??? Well, multiple sources are saying it’s true, including US Weekly and Yahoo! I, for one, am ecstatic about the couple’s possible reunification! There have been reports from friends stating they are definitely ‘hooking up’ and Owen’s car has been spotted parked outside Miss Hudson’s home! YAY! Now I can stop feeling so awful for Mr. Wilson. Maybe this will bring him a little happiness? I’m still a little upset with Kate . . . I think she should have rushed to Owen’s side and made EVERYDAY steak and BJ day after his suicide attempt. Instead, she dilly-dallied and made another crappy movie with Mathew McConaughey. I bet MAD MONEY that Owen and Kate have had numerous arguments on that relationship . . . ‘but we’re just friends!’ blah blah blah. Yeah right, you know Mathew wants a piece. Whatevs though, that may just be me.

February 28, 2008 at 3:33 pm by skipabeet

22Prince Harry Serving on the Front Lines in Afghanistan

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CNN is reporting this without much of a story behind it. I’m sure that’s coming later today.

For now, they’re just saying they’ve confirmed that Prince Harry is in Afghanistan, clearly in the line of danger.

February 28, 2008 at 10:14 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Prince Harry

26Oh, the Hogan Drama! Daddy’s Banging Daughter’s Friend!

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Things just keep getting worse for that Hogan family. Remember when they all seemed so happy and familial and perfect on TV? Things are never what they seem, my friends.

A 33-year-old pal of Brooke Hogan’s, Christiane Plant, has spilled the beans to the National Enquirer about an affair she had last year — before the divorce — with Papa Hulk. Says Christiane: “My relationship with Terry [Hulk Hogan] began at a time when Terry and Linda privately knew their marriage was ending. She had left him already, although no official papers had been filed. Terry is a good man, good father and a good friend, and he and I grew close at a time when he was going through a very difficult period. It seemed right then, but I know it was wrong … Having felt the guilt and pain build up, I gave a note to Brooke apologizing for my actions. I will never be able to fully forgive myself for this. I have lost an amazing friend.”

What a fucking hooker! Jesus, Christiane, if a little note didn’t help to patch things up between you and Brooke, I’m sure airing her family’s dirty laundry to the National Enquirer did the trick.

In response, Brooke posted the following on her MySpace blog, but later deleted it:

Saturday, February 23, 2008

i never thought…

Current mood: sad
Category: Life

When your best friend and one of your closest family members that you have loved unconditionally since your first day on this earth, betrays you together, you could MAYBE find it in yourself to forgive one day… but you will NEVER forget the hurt they caused you and how it hurt the people who mean the most to you…its the worst feeling in the world to be betrayed. And worse to know you can never trust the one you should be able to…

Aw, Brooke. I actually feel bad for you, sweetie. So bad that, for the first time in this history of this blog, I’m running a photo of you without disparaging your fashion sense. That’s just how I show my support.

February 28, 2008 at 2:16 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Brooke Hogan, Hulk Hogan

9I Have an Ali Larter Obsession

Ali Larter and Fiance Hayes MacArthur, Pictures, Photos

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So I know I haven’t been whining about it much lately — it’s been a conscious and strenuous effort — but I’m still sick. My life has become rather small. I sleep, I blog, I eat oranges and cereal, and I watch DVDs of Heroes. In fact, today was notable because I managed to drive my car for the first time since Friday. My dad wasn’t home and I absolutely had to have a chicken sandwich from Burger King. I was in no condition to drive, but I had no choice. So I hauled my ass out to my car and drove the three miles to the nearest Burger King. I nearly passed out from the effort, but it was totally worth it. Definitely the most exciting moment of the past week for me. And I was talking to my boss on the phone yesterday, and I told him I hadn’t showered in like four days and he was like “You should shower” and I was like “I know, it’s on my To-Do list for today,” and he’s like, “Wow, your life isn’t very exciting right now, is it?” No, no it isn’t.

But back to Heroes. I never watched it when it was on TV, but I’ve become totally hooked on the DVDs. I’m about halfway through the first season right now, and I’m absolutely obsessed with Ali Larter. I always thought she was a cutie — Blonde Ambition, anyone? — and she has a body for which I would happily shoot a homeless man, but she’s also, it turns out, an extremely talented actress. I just think she’s phenomenal on that show. She’d be my new lesbian crush, but she’s a little old for me.

Also, she’s engaged.

Here she is at the Ungaro show in Paris with fiance Hayes MacArthur. Check out the bling.

February 28, 2008 at 2:01 am by Evil Beet

47So Cute! So Boring! Needs to Drink More!

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Young country standout Taylor Swift has got to be one of the cutest things on two legs.

Too bad she is boring as all hell!!!!

Here she is responsibly promoting herself on TRL, dressed age-appropriately and conservatively, and being polite to photographers.

Will someone slip something in this girl’s drink already?

February 28, 2008 at 1:41 am by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Taylor Swift