Guess you know what this means: Selena‘s sick and tired of crucifying herself over that whole “corrupting a minor” thing and now she’s headed to the big time in order to find a real man that won’t damage her self-esteem and public image. Nah, I’m just kidding. Her boyfriend is Justin Bieber. There’s, like, no topping that, you know? The only thing that’d be hotter? Is if she started dating one of those young little Sprouse boys. … Oh, wait.
So apparently, the kind, kind folks over at Vanity Fair Italia took it upon themselves to bestow an opportunity for a cover and an interview with our girl Lindsay Lohan, and I have to tell you – the quotes are unbelievable. Seriously. Unbelievable in the “who the hell does she think she’s fooling” kind of way, but I suppose that’s one of the biggest pulls for Lindsay: she’s the only one who buys her own hype, so it’s almost part of her character. I mean, here. Here’s an example right here – the headline (in Italian, obvs) screams “Lindsay Lohan: What Harm Have I Done?” Alright? OK. Here’s more (mind the spotty Google translation, but bear in mind how amusing it’d be if Lindsay actually spoke in this broken dialect):
On protecting herself from intruders:
She pulls out a powder pink fur jacket and a gun: “I have a gun but it is empty, I keep it in case anyone tried to enter my house.”
And apparently children are her passion (?) these days:
“Finally I can leave home and begin immediately to pay the volunteer women’s community center which is located here in Los Angeles. It is a place where women can try to rebuild their lives. Too bad there are also children: I would like to work with them, they are my passion. “
On how the Gotti script was rewritten to accommodate her vast acting abilities:
“The script was rewritten to give more space to my character, Kim (the daughter of crime boss John) Barry Levinson is directing, is about to sign Al Pacino, John Travolta has already done it: he’ll be the star.”
Then there’s her biggest delusion of all – not “hurting” anyone but herself:
Jump in for the rest of the interview and exclusive photos.
This is it. This is the Sheenpocalypse. We are now being engulfed in a deluge of Sheen.
- Yesterday, Comedy Central announced its “Comedy Central Roast of Charlie Sheen.” It will star Charlie Sheen.
- The Roast is coincidentally scheduled to air the same day that Two and Half Men premieres with its new star, Ashton Kutcher. Huh.
- If anyone disses Brooke Mueller during this little Roast, she swears to God, she will sue his ever-living balls off, Charlie.
- Faygo-a-go-go! Charlie Sheen is slated to co-host, for one night and one night only, the 12th Annual Gathering of the Juggalos. (Don’t worry, Insane Clown Posse fans! You can catch Dustin Diamond another night.)