Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jessica Gets Something Big and Orange for Her Birthday

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My favorite Simpson turned thirty-one yesterday, and to celebrate, she received a really large orange Hermes handbag (can you even call something that big a “handbag”?) from her fiancé. Then, she went on Twitter to blab about it, and I’ll summarize for you:

“Eric made my birthday!!! I have never been more surprised in my life! Jackie O who? ;)”

“Life is such a gift. Thank you to all of my family, friends, and fans for all of your birthday wishes and unconditional love. I’m so HAPPY!”

“It is only 1pm and i think i have pretty much heard from everyone in my life!! That is a birthday record!! Huge smile on my face!”

Jess is just the sweetest – she totally deserves the happiest of birthdays. And a Hermes bag, nice! Her money, hidden strategically in the barren wallet of Eric Johnson, certainly has impeccable taste in both brand and color, I must say.

Quotables: Even MOAR Words of Octomom Wisdom

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“I personally cannot waste my energy fixating on the past and my past choices, regardless if they were good or bad choices … Learn to grow as a result of your choices, own and accept the responsibility of your choices and look forward because if you look back, what are you going to do, stab me? You’re just going to stab me forever and grow old.”

I’m sure if I sat and thought long and hard about what Nadya Suleman here was trying to say, I might be able to make some sort of sense out of it enough to agree with one of her words. Like, I don’t know, “grow” or something. Maybe even “choices.” Some of those words need to make sense, and perhaps – just possibly – if ordered in the right way, might give us some kind of indication as to what the hell this woman means.

Or, you know, not. Ever.