Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Oh Fuck Yes: OJ Simpson Got His Ass Arrested

This motherfucker got away with a double homicide, and now they’re gonna put him in jail for this shit.

Las Vegas police arrested O.J. Simpson on Sunday amid an investigation into an alleged armed robbery at a hotel in Las Vegas,

The charges he faces are unclear.

Simpson was arrested at his room in the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas, the source said.

Loves. It.

Holy Crap It’s the Mowry Sisters

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They got invited to an Emmy lounge.

What are they even doing these days? I feel like each of them should have like 4 kids by now. Have they done anything since Sister Sister? And wasn’t that like 25 years ago?

Weird.

See, this is how the Olsen twins would have turned out if they weren’t anorexic and drug-addicted: irrelevant. So the next time you try to tell Mary-Kate to eat something, you remember this. You remember what became of those healthy, well-adjusted Mowry girls.

Lindsay Lohan is Probably Not Getting Laid in Rehab

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I don’t know how I missed this, but I guess some kid who just got out of Lindsay’s rehab in Utah was supposedly banging her in there. But he denies it.

“That is against the rules,” he says. “She is my friend.”

Lindsay — whose reps say she will stay in the rehab for “the foreseeable future” — is “very focused on recovery right now,” he says.

Get healthy Lindsay!!!

Oh, Sweet Jesus, Please Let Britney Spears Do the Emmys

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There’s been some buzz today that Britney might be making an appearance on the Emmy broadcast, perhaps to perform, or apologize for the VMAs, or both.

Emmy producers have stated that “We cannot confirm nor deny this rumor.”

Personally I think this is the stupidest idea ever. What the fuck is she gonna do? Get up there and apologize for sucking? I mean, it’s not like she lynched black people on stage. Seriously, if we’re all now apologizing for bad live performances, I think we could fill up the entire Emmy telecast with sorries. And why stop at live performances? While we’re at it, whoever actually financed that show about the Geico caveman? You might want to take a few minutes at the Emmys to apologize. And the producers of On The Lot? America is owed an apology. And the final episode of Seinfeld? Someone ought to publicly take the blame for that shit. Also, that Ryder Strong kid from Boy Meets World should say he’s sorry for never even approaching his hotness potential. I still take that personally.

Britney Spears apologizing for sucking at the Emmys is the worst idea ever. Ev. Er.

Oh please, please let her do this.

A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Total Ho

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Jessica Simpson might be returning to a market with less competition her Texas roots, according to her father. She’s apparently considering recording a country album.

“Everything in our business is about beats and I think she really wants to sing and country music still believes in that. I think country is the only pure, storytelling kind of genre left,” says Papa Joe.

He makes no mention of Ashlee Simpson embracing this pure, storytelling genre, because, you know, Ashlee don’t sing that well.