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17Remember When Anna Faris Used to Be Cool?

She looks soooo fake now. Just like any other starlet. I hate it.

You used to be cool, Anna.

At Spike TV’s Guys’ Choice Awards in LA.

May 30, 2008 at 9:12 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

11Yup, Charlie Sheen Got Married

The bad boy actor tied the knot on Friday night with Brooke Mueller, a 30-year-old real estate investor.

The couple were introduced in 2006 by Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart, who were among the 60 guests at the wedding.

In lieu of wedding gifts, the newlyweds asked guests to donate to the Chrysalis: Changing Lives Through Jobs charity and to Pugs ‘N Pals, a dog rescue charity.

No reports of Denise Richards crashing the wedding with a semi-automatic weapon, so that’s nice.

May 30, 2008 at 9:09 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

32Spelling Bees Make Me Bitter

Little-known fact about me: I’m a spelling bee champ.

Yes, it’s true.

Back in 8th grade, I won my school’s spelling bee. Then I won the regional spelling bee. And then I went to the state spelling bee, where I took home second place.

Here’s the thing: I should have won.

The stupid kid who won misspelled the word “reticent” in the final round. He used an “s” rather than a “c.” I knew he misspelled it, but I didn’t speak up at the time, because I was 13 and terrified. The judges were retarded. I would have spelled it correctly next, and I would have won. Instead, I proceeded to misspell the word “camouflage,” a word that I, inexplicably, struggle with to this day. The stupid kid spelled it right, and he won. Later review of the tape proved that he did, in fact, misspell “reticent,” but you have to challenge the judges in the same round as the mistake or it doesn’t matter. So I didn’t get to go the National Spelling Bee when I totally should have.

And it’s insane. This happened over a decade ago. I have since created a very successful career for myself as a writer. I have won all sorts of awards on both the state and national level, for all sorts of things. I graduated college cum laude, and finished in the top 10% of my graduate school class. I make a good living doing something I truly love. I have an adorable dog and a wonderful family. I have loads of incredible friends who love and respect me. By nearly anyone’s measure, I am a successful person. No one — no one — cares whether or not I was in the National Spelling Bee when I was 13 years old. No one except me. Thirteen years later, I am still tangibly bitter about this. I mean, genuinely angry. Whenever I even hear mention of the National Spelling Bee, I have a very physical reaction. I get a little bit nauseous and my heart rate picks up. Really, nothing else in the world has this effect on me. It’s ridiculous, and I don’t know how to fix it. I should be over this by now. And yet I’m not. I’m not even close. I’m still as upset as I was about it back then — maybe even more so.


Here’s the stupid brat who won the National Spelling Bee this year. I haven’t even watched the video. I can’t. It makes me too angry.

Do they have therapists who specialize in childhood spelling bee anxiety?

May 30, 2008 at 8:45 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

13Holly Hunter Is a Star!

Holly Hunter welcomed her star on the Boulevard today.

Congrats, Holly!

May 30, 2008 at 5:40 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

33Caption This

Japanese singer and actress Tomoe Shinohara at an event in Tokyo.

May 30, 2008 at 5:35 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized

19So Creative!

Some asswipe launched a website called

OMG no one has ever made that comparison before!

So original and hilarious!

But what’s truly funny?

The Google Ads running on the site.

You can always count on Google Ads to pull through with the funny when nothing else will.

May 30, 2008 at 5:30 pm by Evil Beet
Filed Under: Uncategorized