Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Worst.Boob Job.Ever

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I’m sorry but seriously Heidi Montag…those boobs are a bit too much. I am all for the boob job. There are many celebrities that go out, get themselves some natural looking fakes and really it doesn’t hotten them up a bit. Heidi, in true reality-vixen fashion, has gotten herself boobs that are wayyyy to big for her little frame.

She is very into having her new boobs photographed quite a lot. I don’t know who cares enough to show up on a beach and take her picture but it keeps happening over and over again. I really can’t wait for her “album” to come out. I bet she is a REALLY good singer.

For more pictures of her big plastic boobies click [here]

Alba Wants to Hit it and Quit it!

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There are times when it’s good to be a man living in the 21st century. This is one of those times as it was just announced that:

    Alba wants no-strings sex

Now look here. Jess Alba can’t act her way out of a paper bag. I’m sure she’s nice enough and would probably be really pleasant to your pops as he leered at her all the way through dinner. But let’s face the cold hard facts – you marry Alba for one thing. To carry her hotness to future generations, and that’s it. She’s not going to win you a Pulitzer. She’s not go to build a better rocket ship. She’s not going to evoke tears as the Oscar audience gasps in delight at her acceptance speech. Which is why today’s news is all the more wonderful, you can now leave the duty of “dating, marriage, commitment, having to call back” to some other poor shmoe!

She told Cosmopolitan magazine: “I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex.

I agree with her here, and I would hope that women enjoy sex. It’s sort of a nice thing if the person you’re with isn’t thinking “man, this is so NOT enjoyable.”

“I could have a one-night stand, and I’m the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, ‘Do you really have to be here?’ I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more.”

No, Ms. Alba I do not have to be here. I’d be pleased to gather my belongings and hit the road. If I’m lucky I can call everyone I know before they’re asleep. Also, I have a specific “cuddling” girlfriend whom I don’t ever talk to or screw. We just hold each other. It’s quite nice actually, y’all should try that.

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Rockin the D-List

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Jesse Metcalf just can’t get enough of Hollywood parties. Here he is with some random chick at another launch of something stupid that only swag hunters attend. It isn’t a good thing when you are the only real “famous” person at the party.

Looks like he really are sticking to that rehab thing too. You know the first thing you are not supposed to after you get out of rehab is…well…I don’t know…GO OUT TO PARTIES.

Quite the Resemblance

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Here is lovely Emma Roberts and the premiere of “Nancy Drew.” Every year she looks more like Auntie Julia. Seriously…from what I’ve heard she is a lovely little actress as well. Let us just hope she stays very far away from girls named Lindsay, Paris, Nicole, ect…

Honestly if I was the parent of an up and coming young actress I would lock her up until she turned 21.

Paris Back in Real Jail

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Paris has been transferred from the Twin Towers Medical Facility to Lynwood Correctional Facility where she was put in the first place.

She was transferred late last night and will serve out the rest of her sentence in her same cell. According to sources, Paris has been a bit less crazy now that that pesky case of ADD has been dealt with.

Sources tell TMZ that Hilton has been doing much better with the proper meds, and we’re told that there has been pressure on the Sheriff’s Department to move her back to the Lynwood jail when the medical facility was no longer necessary. We’re told that now Hilton has been deemed “medically stable.”

Paris won’t be back at Lynwood for too long according to friends of the celebutard. Evidently jail still doesn’t agree with her and she keeps getting severe panic attacks.

I wonder if any of the other prisoners don’t like prison?