Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Kim Stewart and Calum Best?

Kimberly Stewart Dating Lindsay Lohan’s Ex-Boyfriend Calum Best

Ah, D-list love.

Perhaps Kim Stewart was dissatisfied with the level of press coverage she was getting from porking Tommy Lee, or perhaps she was acting on orders from Paris Hilton, who was quietly managing to ruin Lindsay Lohan’s life even while waging war on jail recidivism rates by creating transitional housing for former female inmates having her hair extensions dyed. Or maybe these two just share that special bond two people inevitably forge when they’re both famous for absolutely nothing.

Whatever the reason, Kimberly Stewart and Calum Best were spotted leaving Il Sole together on Friday night, and the buzz on the street is that they were there on a date. Make of it what you will.

UCLA Student Gets Paris Hilton’s Old Phone Number

UCLA Student Gets Paris Hilton’s Old Cell Phone Number

It is such a slow news day that the L.A. Times ran a piece on the young lady who inherited Paris Hilton’s most recently discarded cellular telephone number.

Shira Barlow had her new cellphone number for only two days when the flood of calls began.

Birthday wishes, inquiries about locations for “in” parties, requests to get on guest lists at the hottest Los Angeles nightclubs.

Most of the calls were placed between 2 and 4 a.m. on weekends. Some were annoying. Many involved slurred words.

So what sort of juicy details do you learn when you’re the possessor of Paris Hilton’s old phone number? Nothing, really, because anyone who Paris actually gives a shit about already had her new number. Instead, you’re primarily hearing from hangers-on and brown-nosers.

Barlow was at her internship at a Westside production company May 4 when Hilton was sentenced to jail.

In short order, calls and texts that previously inquired about parties and nightclubs were replaced by dozens expressing their condolences.

“People were scared for her,” Barlow said.

The phone traffic trailed off when Hilton entered jail, even during her brief release to home detention.

But with Hilton now free again, a new crop of communiques is flooding Barlow’s telephone.

There was Hilton’s former bodyguard who sent his love.

A girlfriend called to commiserate and lend support. Barlow told the caller she had received good wishes from dozens of people.

Text messages also expressed love. “It’s disgusting how they treated you in there, but once again you have showed the world that you can do anything,” one wrote. Said another: “I’m so proud of you.”

“I hope you’re enjoying Maui,” one of the messages read Wednesday.

Ms. Barlow took it upon herself to text some of those people back with “thanks so much,” because she thought Paris would appreciate it.

Britney’s Got A(nother) New Man

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If I were Britney Spears, by now I’d keep a pile of Non-Disclosure Agreements in my bedside drawer, right next to the condoms. (Condoms? Who am I kidding?) Real-estate investor-slash-drug-counselor John Sundahl, 38, is the latest in a seemingly inexhaustible list of men who are happy to gab to the press about how much fun it is to fuck Britney. Sundahl stands out from the crowd, though, by being the first one to drag bowel surgery into this mess.

“When I was in the hospital [for bowel surgery]” he says, “she sat with me and held my hand all night long. She even sang and hummed to me while I was practically unconscious … I love being around her. She’s a sweet, caring girl and a good mom.”

Continues Sundahl, “When she visited me in the hospital, she even offered to take custody of all the painkillers they were giving me, because she knows I struggle with substance abuse, and she didn’t want me to be surrounded by temptation. She came every day, bright and early, to take those demons off my hands. And all that she asked in return is that I never speak the word ‘bowel’ in her presence.”

Spears and Sundahl reportedly met after she left Promises and sought him out as a drug counselor. You know, for the addiction problem she doesn’t have.

Okay, So, After Eva Longoria and Tony Parker Get Married Tomorrow, Can We Stop Talking About Them Forever?

Eva Longoria and Tony Parker Are Boring

I mean, I guess Tony plays some manner of sport, and maybe he’s still relevant in that context — I wouldn’t know — so if you sports people still want to talk about him, I guess that’s okay with me, but can we just never hear about Eva Longoria again, please? How this woman continues to be relevant baffles me. Desperate Housewives hasn’t been good since what feels like some point during the Reagan administration, her film career never even started (she has one movie coming out in 2007, and its plot is described on IMDB as “a ghost tries to sabotage her former boyfriend’s current relationship with a psychic,” and, if I’m not mistaken, her role in 2008′s Food Fight involves her voicing some manner of anthropomorphic grocery product), and, frankly, I don’t even think she’s that hot. I just don’t understand why we still care about her. There’s still a war on in Iraq. Britain has a new prime minister. We’ve got an election coming up here in the U.S. And, for chrissake, Nicole Richie is pregnant. Don’t we have more important things to talk about than Eva Longoria?

Eva and Tony were legally married in a French civil ceremony today, although the formal ceremony and reception are taking place tomorrow. And after that, please, guys, no more Tony and Eva, okay?